I sat at my desk for a long time, noticing the passing of time and not much else. I noticed the way the chair pressed against my back, a little too hard for my liking. I noticed how the snow outside the window fell against the ground outside and disappeared as if it never existed to begin with.

  Since I started noticing that, 10 minutes have passed and I’ve done nothing aside from watching each flake hit the ground and disappear.

  They say each snowflake is completely unique with its own special attributes and with a microscope, you could see the difference in each one perfectly clearly. I wondered if they put a microscope to me, what would distinguish me from the rest? Is there anything special about me?

  I thought about that for a moment and considered whether or not that would make for a good story. Writing about a snowflake trying to find its purpose in the world, trying to find other snowflakes that are just like them and failing.

  It’s kind of like what I’m going through but the opposite. I want to find out what makes me unique and maybe they’d see sameness as the goal. They don’t want to be different, they want community.

  I have neither.

  I have a roommate, we talk in passing but mostly avoid each other unless we don’t have a choice. And I guess, a cat friend who hangs around?

  I realize since I stopped going to the cafe I don’t have that either. She may show up every once in a while but it won’t be the same. I won’t be able to talk to her. I’m not even sure anymore that I want to. I couldn’t even live up to what she expected of me.

  I failed myself and I failed her. Now I’m stuck in this uncomfortable chair, staring at the snowflakes and waiting to disappear too.

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  I float away for a while, thinking of days when everything seemed easier.

  Winter break when I’d be cozy by the fireplace, the gentle crackling of the burning logs behind me, the warmth that filled the surrounding air. Wrapped in a blanket, writing every idea effortlessly into my journal for hours. My mother had to come in throughout the day and remind me to eat.

  Now I’m cold, can’t get a single word out, and there’s no one that cares about it.

  I’m taken out of my daydream by the sound of a tap at my window. Hail is coming, but the tap doesn’t sound like that. I look up, fully pullin myself from better days and see a cat at the window. I open it up, let her in and she shakes the snow off her paws and fur.

  I couldn’t help but feel a relief wash over me as I saw her, maybe she didn’t feel I let her down. But I still wondered: Why does the magic seem to work for everyone besides me? It even works on cats. But yet, it doesn’t work for me at all.

  I tried my best but I couldn’t seem to even get a word out.

  Sage curled up under my desk, still shaking the snow off of her coat, and found warmth against my rug.

  “I know you can’t talk right now. So, I’ll just talk to you, okay?” She looked up at me but didn’t even so much as meow. “It didn’t work. I’m not sure if you knew that. If that was the reason you left, if I disappointed you or something. But do you know why it didn’t work for me? Have you seen that before with anyone else? If you could give me a sign.” I said, reaching down to pet her.

  She looked up at me but didn’t even meow, she just stared blankly as if she wasn’t sure either.

  I knew my best bet was to ask when I go back to the coffee shop, a cat wouldn’t know any better. Instead of just trying to get answers from her, instead I decided to tell her what I’ve been thinking about. Say it aloud for the first time.

  “I think I’m going to give up on writing. Maybe it isn’t the infusion. Maybe, writing just isn’t meant for me,” I say, letting out a sigh, “I’ve been giving myself a little time to try to get it all figured out. But, I’m going to go back to my job at the bakery. I don’t want to but at this point, I feel like I don’t really have a choice. The good news is when you visit, I could have fresh baked bread for you.”

  She perked up at that and stood up, dancing around my chair.