“Ne, Ne. We are home.” Zash says while tapping on my head.
“Ah, thanks Zash.”
I unlock and open the front door, and Zash jumps off my head and lands inside. Turning around he looks up at me.
“Okarinasai.” (Welcome back.)
“Tadaima.” (I’m back)
After exchanging these two lines, Zash runs off to the living room.
“Tadaima” I say again softly to myself.
*Funyu* (Tired Sigh)
I enter our apartment closing and locking the door behind me. I walk into the kitchen and see that it was exactly how I left it. I approach the counter, gently life up my peculator and rock it side to side.
I hear the sloshing of liquid and know that it still has some coffee in it. Dumping the old coffee into the sink and throwing away the used coffee grounds, I clean out my peculator. After I finish cleaning it and setting it up to brew more coffee at a moment’s notice, I left a note to myself saying, “plug in for coffee.”
I leave the kitchen and enter the living room where Zash is playing videogames. I pat Zash on the head before sitting down in front of my laptop.
“Damn, I forgot to shut this down before I left, oh well.”
I knew it was on because the screen saver was on. I shake the mouse and soon the loan documents that I had been looking at before I left appeared. Blinking my eyes slowly so that they could adjust to the stark contrast, I close out of the documents.
‘Ah that’s right. Unicorn chooses its beta testers today. Despite all my grandstanding, I still don’t know if I will even be chosen.’
*Funyu*
‘Time to take the plunge I guess.’
I open my internet browser and log into my E-mail account.
‘The moment of truth.’
I look through my current unread e-mails and find one from Unicorn. I click on it to bring it up.
The words ‘beta tester’ catches my interest only for a second before I realize that this wasn’t what I was looking for, so I continued reading.
‘I knew it, I wasn’t chosen.’
L: ‘Wait there’s more.’
‘Ha… My strange luck strikes again. Don’t qualify initially, but gets picked in second selection process. What are the chances?’
L: ‘The odds are…’
‘Please don’t tell me, I don’t really want to know.’
L: ‘Okay.’
‘So you are telling me if something happens to us, it’s not your fault? Is that what your trying to tell us Unicorn?’
‘A hidden area on their site? And here I thought I read everything.’
‘Well as long as I opt in, I will be a beta tester.’
L: ‘It seems like it.’
O: ‘When are you going to opt in?’
‘After a nap. This day has left me tired.’
D:
I get off my chair and move it in front of the television, place Zash on the said chair and finally take his place on the sofa. Stretching out onto the sofa, I finally relax my body.
“It’s been a long and tiring day.”
Today’s events rotate through my mind for a while before stopping on Jessica-sempai’s blushing face.
‘Well at least I saw something good, today.’ With that final thought I fell asleep.
The smell of coffee woke me up. I was still sprawled on the couch but I was covered by a blanket.
‘Did Zash cover me? Nah I doubt it.’
The sweet aroma that is my life’s blood kept calling me. Not caring why or who covered me, I get off the sofa and climb onto my feet. Like a Zombie going after its prey, I make my way to the kitchen.
Standing there at the stove with her back towards me was a female profile and sitting on the counter watching her handiwork was Zash. If that was just Wakahisa-san, Zash would still be playing video games.
‘That profile… I’ve seen it before somewhere… Ah it’s Jessica-sempai. But what is she doing here? How did she know my address? Did Zash let her in? Why is she cooking for us?’
So many questions and just one really simple answer. This is all a dream. I’m married to Jessica-sempai and right now she is teaching Zash to cook and Alice-chan is off doing something somewhere else.
‘They say dreams express your true desires… Is this my true desire?’
I walk up behind Jessica and wrap my arms around her waist.
“Eek~” She cries out in surprise.
“Careful love, you don’t want to burn yourself.”
“Robert?”
“Mm don’t mind me, continue teaching Zash.”
Jessica was bright red, it seems that she is still not use to this then.
“I can’t teach him with you clinging to me like that, you know.”
“Mm, don’t worry love, I’ll be good, because I will be eating the main course after this.”
“You…”
“Me, what love?”
“Save that for the bedroom, okay?”
“Okay, but let me take a bite to hold me till then.”
“What?”
I kiss the nape of her neck. I could feel her body warming to my touch. Before she can respond, I let her go and pour myself a cup of coffee.
After preparing it the way I like, I sat down at the table and slowly sip at it while watching my son and his new step-mom have some quality bonding time.
‘It can’t get much better than this.’
Suddenly Father-in-law (Jessica’s dad) comes bursting in.
“Since you’re married to my daughter, it is time for you to learn the family business!” He says in a loud voice.
He picks me up by the collar, and carries me. On the way out of my apartment he calls out to Jessica.
“Don’t worry Jessica, I’ll return him when he is bone tired so you won’t have any trouble mounting him.”
“I don’t need you help Dad!” Was her response.
As I was being carried away, I continued to sip at my coffee calmly. (Imagine a robust old man bursting into your kitchen when you are drinking something, grabs you by the back of the collar and lifts you up and carries you out, all while you continue sipping your drink. Yeah that image is what just happened to me.)
Just as I was about to pass the threshold of my apartment the world faded to black.
My eyes snap open and I am immediately blinded by the light.
‘What a strange dream.’
‘I didn’t get to do naughty things to Jessica-sempai though.’
‘But he is so young!’
‘But he…’
D:
‘‘D’? If you are there then who was I…? “Him”! I was talking to “Him” the whole time… and I didn’t realize it… I can’t believe how much of a fool I am.’
D:
‘Don’t worry about it. Just my usual ignorance and naivety.’
D:
*Fu…*
‘How can I be that dense?’
Eventually my eyes got use to the light and my sight returned. Looking around I find that I am still laying on the sofa and I wasn’t covered this time. I blink a few times to clear my vision and notice that Zash was still on the chair I placed him on earlier.
So far it seems like real life. I take a deep breath and then let it out… I smell coffee…
“Zash?” I whisper to him.
“Hai?” He whispers back.
“Did you let someone in?”
“Hai~”
“Who?”
“That Onee-chan you like.”
‘That Onee-chan I like? Does he mean Jessica-sempai? She was the only one I took direct interest in…’
“Dinner will be ready shortly.” A feminine voice calls out.
‘I know that voice.’ There is only one person I know who has such a wondrously rich and pleasant voice like that and that is Jessica-sempai.’
Dear readers, as I explained before, I have a habit of trying to seduce members of the opposite sex who are even slightly interest in me. When this bad habit rears its hideous head, it makes it seem as if I am infatuated with my target. As long as it is in regards to them, my perception is tinted rose colored. So it makes everything about them ‘better’.
Don’t get me wrong, Jessica-sempai is a beautiful creature in her own right, and even if my perception was tainted black she would still shine, but I digress.
“Ah Jessica-sempai? To what do I owe the pleasure of you visiting my humble abode?” I call out to her from my spot on the sofa.
“Hello Robert, may I call you Robert?”
“You may call me whatever you wish.”
I hear her giggling, and it sounds like music to my ears.
“While I would like to say this visit is purely on my own initiative, it is not.”
“Let me guess, your father sent you here so that you could use your body to ensnare me?”
“Not a well thought out plan, huh?”
O: ‘Father-in-law has checkmated you.’
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
‘Who are you calling Father-in-law?’
O: ‘Obviously it’s Sempai’s father? If you get married to her, he will naturally become your father-in-law?’
‘What do you mean checkmated?’
O: ‘I am surprised you haven’t noticed it yet, Master.’
‘Noticed what exactly?’
O: ‘Your shortsightedness does you credit, Master. Shall I explain?’
‘Please do.’
O: ‘Explanation: Father-in-law wants you as part of his family and has a daughter and a grand-daughter to use against you. While the grand daughter is underage, she already has your oral promise to ‘eat her up’ when she comes of age. After the deed is done, Father-in-law can use this as the premise for a shotgun wedding, and force you into the family.’
‘Oh~’
O: ‘Continuation: You have already shown interest in his daughter as well, and due to your bad habit resurfacing, everything she does adds to your ‘Robert Points’. Basically if this was an Eroge, Sempai would be the main heroine, and you would be an optional romance path. While I am unsure of his awareness of your bad habit, by sending Sempai to you, he is utilizing it to his advantage. By being in close proximity to her, you attempt to raise her heart level, which in turn makes it more likely for her to pick you to be her mate.
If I recall correctly, earlier today you told Jessica-sempai the following and I quote, “If a beautiful woman such as yourself wants to marry someone like me, I would by no means say no.” End quote. As you might now remember, you gave away your power to veto when you said this line.’
‘Damn.’
O: ‘Conclusion: You are screwed, Master. In the figurative and literal sense, if she picks you within two years, you will marry into her family. If she doesn’t pick you, then you will marry her daughter and sempai will become your mother-in-law, and Father-in-law will become your grandfather-in-law. Either way, you are destined to become part of their family.’
‘That Old Man is crafty, I will give him that. Maybe it won’t be so bad if I learn under him after all?’
O: ‘Addendum: Master, when the deed is done, you might want to keep proof on hand, otherwise a certain ‘friend’ won’t believe that the final 1% is complete.’
‘You aren’t an assassin protocol droid by any chance, right?’
O: ‘Statement: No assassination protocols are installed on this unit at this time, Master.
Query: Perhaps when we enter Royal Road, we can remedy that?’
‘Jokes aside, I really did screw myself this time, huh?’
O: ‘That you did, Master.’
“On the contrary, now that I thought about it for a while, it is a very cunning plan. What else did your father include in his plan?
“Since we were living with my parents…”
“Wait, let me guess. He threw both of you out so you would have to find a new place to live that was either close to me, or even potentially living with me?”
“Correct, although he did promise to pay for our rent and other essentials because this was all part of his plan.”
“And your mother was okay with this?”
“She said not to come back until I made her more grand-children…” She said softly but I could still hear her though.
By this time, the sweet temptation of coffee and bathing in Jessica-sempai’s presence as too great and I got off the sofa and trudged into the kitchen.
Sitting on the kitchen table was a cup of coffee that I hope Jessica-sempai made especially for me.
“Is this for me?” I ask pointing to the cup on the table.
Jessica-sempai turns around and looks where I am pointing.
‘Ah sempai in an apron, I want to make her my waifu.’
L: ‘Silly Raijuu, waifu are for Otaku.’
‘But why~’
L: ‘Since you are a Riajuu, you can just get her to be your wife.’
‘Ah that’s right, then I’ll just… itai (ouch).’
“Yes, I prepared that especially for you.”
D:
“Thank you, Jessica-sempai.” I sit down and drink some of the coffee that sempai especially prepared for me.
L: ‘He is making so many careless mistakes that it’s not even funny anymore.’
M: ‘I know right? IF I was in Jessica-sempai’s shoes, I would have spiked that coffee with something, preferable an aphrodisiac to make him lose control, then tempt him so he will jump on me. Then I can use the ensuring guilt to force him into marrying me, and I will forever be in control because of the leverage I have over him. That is what I would have done if I was in Jessica-sempai’s shoes.’
O: ‘You know M.’
M: ‘Hmmm?’
O: ‘You say the scariest of things sometimes.’
M: ‘Well when you play as many videogames as I did, and witness countless failed attempts to seduce someone due to poor execution, it makes you think of ways on how to do it ‘right’.’
O: ‘Right~, forget I asked.’
“You didn’t spike this drink with anything did you, Jessica-sempai?”
“Father wanted me too, but I didn’t.”
“I humbly thank you for your benevolence.”
“You’re welcome, but do be more careful next time. You never know what others might do to an unattended drink.”
“Yes, Jessica-sempai. Oh, I have a question, how did you know where I lived?”
“It seems you are quite forgetful, Robert.” She pulls out a card from her pocket and waves it in front of me.
Ah that’s right. I forgot to mention this earlier but when I gave Jessica-sempai my number, I gave her my business card. And the card just happened to have the address of this apartment complex and state, "If you are looking for an apartment to contact me (the landlord)." Oopsie.
“Ah it seems that I willingly walked into this trap and even cut off my only escape by shutting and locking the door behind me…”
“I don’t understand what you saying.”
“Don’t worry too much about it, my dear Jessica-sempai. I just walked into a delightful trap of my own making and splendidly got caught.”
“Oh? Can I help release you then?”
“While I appreciate the offer Jessica-sempai, you are part of the chains that trap me.”
“Then does that mean I should never let you go?”
“Maybe until death do we part, but until then it is entirely up to you, as it has been since we last parted.”
M: ‘The cheese… It’s real!’
D:
L: ‘You basically asked her to marry you in a roundabout way.’
O: ‘And you even have the daughter as a backup plan, nice.’
As I said those words, Jessica-sempai’s face turned bright red, and she looks down at her feet.
‘Ah I really want to kiss those luscious lips, play with her heavenly hair, and whisper sweet nothings into those perfectly formed ears but I shouldn’t. She isn’t mine yet, and I have yet to receive permission so I will refrain.’
I am the first to break the awkward silence.
“You said your father kicked BOTH of you out, so where is Alice-san?”
Relieved that she had a topic we could talk about she looks up and at my face. I smile at her and her lovely face turns red again and she resumes looking at her feet.
“She went shopping for our daily necessities, since we are no longer able to go back to my Father’s place.”
“I see. Where are you planning on staying then?”
“Probably a hotel or something until we can find an apartment of our own.”
‘Hmm…’
O: ‘You are thinking of something crazy again aren’t you?’
L: ‘No matter how much you like Jessica-sempai, if you do what you’re thinking of doing, you will be falling completely and utterly for the old man’s trap.’
M: ‘Do it. Your libido will thank you!’
D:
‘I can’t help it, the bait the Old Man is using is too strong.’
O: ‘That’s why I said you were checkmated.’
“Jessica-sempai, even though I know I am just falling deeper and deeper into your father’s trap, if you and your daughter want to live with me or in one of my empty apartments, you can.”
“We can? Thank you!” She runs to me and hugs me. Her body is quite soft. I would enjoy a chance to hug her even more closely, but now is not the time.
“Now, I’ll take over the cooking while you talk out the details with your daughter.”
“Okay, thank you.” She left the kitchen and went outside, probably to make the appropriate calls. Needless to say, a happy and excited Jessica-sempai is very cute as well.
While I said I would finish the cooking, there isn’t much left to do. So I just make sure nothing would burn and left it alone to simmer.
‘Since I am now awake, let me opt in so I can participate in Royal Road’s beta test.’