It smiled and held out a hand coated with blood back to the elbow.

  When life offers you a hand up— I took the offered hand and she put her weight into heaving me up to my feet, disappearing from view as I rose. I felt something roll across my back and when I staggered forward and checked behind me, another spearman was stumbling away with a remarkably gnarly hair cut that left parts of his helmet sliding this way and that now that they were no longer properly connected to each other.

  I spotted my sword at the same time one of the garrison troops came around the truck-shaped hole in the gate and started toward Jenna. Knowing I’d have to clear a number of assholes before I could even think about keeping him away from my sister, I lunged for my sword and came up with it at the ready only to find Aine a few steps in front of me.

  I recognized the dagger that appeared in her off hand as she wound up like a major league pitcher. Part of me knew that was entirely not how you threw a knife, but the blue sparks flying off the knife as it continued to accelerate after it left her hand convinced me she might be onto something.

  Two spearmen along the flight path reflexively dodged out of the way. I blinked. The garrison trooper blinked. We both stared at each other for a brief moment, confused, before he fell over with torchlight streaming through the hole in his chest. Huh.

  I started forward, following Aine as fast as I could. The nearest spearman didn’t panic when the runes on his spear flickered out, instead he went for the shield slam to the face, which didn’t work as intended. Instead of accepting the slab of metal to the face, she slid under the upward traveling blow. I didn’t quite catch what happened but based on the fact her hand went up with a blade as she passed between his legs, followed by the man immediately crumpling, I didn’t see him worrying about having kids ever again.

  A moment of incredulity hit me, and I slowed long enough to scoop my pistol off the ground. I couldn’t remember how many I had in the magazine, so I emptied what was left into targets in front of Aine and dropped the mag with the ambidextrous mag release. I slowed long enough to tuck the sword under my gun arm, jam the fresh mag off my belt into place, rack the slide, and go.

  Trotting out the last few yards to Jenna’s side, I came up next to Aine and quickly wheeled about expecting to need to dodge yet another spear, another spell, or another raft of dumb motherfuckers teleporting in, but there was nothing but bodies as far as the eye could see. Well, bodies, my friends, and a handful of frightened faces peering out from shattered windows.

  I turned to face the garrison’s gate just as a wall of troops rounded the corner and came to a halt under their commander’s orders.

  Chest heaving because I was seriously trying to catch up on my breathing, it took me a moment before I loudly barked, “I’m not sure what you’re thinking, but I wouldn’t do it if I were you. Walk. Away.”

  The commander stepped forward, his sword drooping as he took in the carnage before him. “Who do you think you are?”

  While I enjoyed another lung full of fresh air, Aine settled into a low stance. I was pretty sure all the commander saw was the gore-soaked elf grinning back at him.

  “I’m just some dude here to save his sister. You, on the other hand, are trespassing on territory rightfully held by the Syr. Unless you fancy having to explain to your gods in person why you weren’t smart enough to walk away, I’d suggest you saddle up and get the fuck out while you still can. You have ten minutes. Anyone still here after that gets an express lane ticket to the afterlife.”

  A shadow moved atop the wall, above and behind the commander’s line of sight. Violet motes sparked off the arrow Cailleach drew as she rose, bow silently flexing in her hands.

  My pistol rose, matching the commander’s sword tip as it came back up. The man clearly thought he was only facing a handful of opponents who were clearly winded and bloodied from the unexpected asskicking contest on his doorstep. To be fair, he wasn’t wrong.

  Fucking hell. Just once, I wish they’d be smart. Just. Once. I trained my sights on the man’s chin. From this distance, I could be a fifth of Jack into the night and still make every shot in the magazine. Still, I’d love some fucking reinforcements right about now.

  —WE OBEY—

  My breath caught in my throat as I suddenly went from merely a bit winded to soul-achingly exhausted. Behind me, the ghostly, dragging rattle of spectral chainmail accented the echoing footfalls of heavy boots marching with clockwork timing. No matter how much I wanted to look, I knew it’d break whatever moment was making the commander’s eyes widen in shock. From atop the wall, Cailleach turned her head toward me and the bow went slack in her hands.

  For the briefest moment, the commander’s sword wavered and I had hope this was finally over, that no one else had to die tonight. And then I saw the look in his eyes, how they hardened with final determination. My pistol bucked in my hand, turning the start of his shouted command into a gurgle.

  “Please tell me your second in command is smarter,” I rasped, now barely able to stand from the weight dragging at every movement, every thought.

  The remaining soldiers exchanged worried glances. A sword fell to the ground, then another. The formation quickly broke and ran, scattering into the dark like metallic roaches.

  “About fucking time,” I managed to say, shakily guiding my pistol into its holster. Aine straightened, stowing the black blade in her hand into a sheath across the small of her back I’d missed earlier. She glanced back at me, and I answered the disappointment in her eyes with a guilty smile and a shrug. I turned to find only ghostly wisps of icy fog dispersing in the night wind behind me. Well shit, I was hoping to catch whatever that was.

  Stolen story; please report.

  Only dimly aware I was dragging the tip of my sword along the ground, I stumbled the last few yards between me and Jenna and sank to the ground.

  “Jenna,” I rattled with what felt like one of my last breaths. “Genevieve Byrne.”

  Her eyes cracked open as she stirred. They only stared in my direction momentarily before confusion tightened them on my face.

  I smiled, loosed a rattling cough, and weakly said, “We’ve been trying to reach you about your truck’s extended warranty.”

  My skin tingled and I suddenly felt light, paper thin, and I had the vaguest impression of the earth rising up to meet me. The world faded into only one thing, a bone deep need for sleep. What a great idea, sleep. Despite the creeping chill pervading what little I could still feel, I knew sleep would win out in the end. I sank deeper into the growing darkness, everything falling away bit by bit. Lost in the growing quiet serenity, I simply did not care. About anything.

  Distantly, I tasted something light and sweet on my tongue. Subtle warmth spread against my lips, soaking into me. The chill began to recede, and for the briefest moment I felt perfectly comfortable, finally ready for deep, dreamless sleep, but the sweet nectar gained a subtle burn that began peeling back sleep’s seductive call.

  The warmth ebbed, the sweetness in my mouth began to fade. Sleep beaconed once again, even more stridently this time, as if it knew the returning chill would only make claiming me harder.

  Caught between opposing forces, I felt static race through my mind and suddenly the decision made itself. I reached out for the warmth. When my fingers found purchase, I pulled it back to me and drank deeply. Warmth returned again, this time like a wildfire across a dry field.

  I became aware of weight atop me, that I was laying on my back. The silent expanse I’d been swimming in shattered with the cry of a nighthawk.

  The weight shifted as I opened my eyes.

  Flushed and eyes glittering in the torchlight, Cailleach licked her lips and only partially hid an eager smile as she sat back. “Not that I object, Sam, but this really isn’t the best time. You’re making our sisters uncomfortable.”

  I blinked and groggily wiped at my eyes when that didn’t help. “What was that?”

  “You reacting to the kain fruit with unexpected enthusiasm,” Cailleach answered and used a thumb to wipe my cheek. “Impressive as it was, you nearly killed yourself with that display with the wardens.”

  “Cailleach.”

  “Yes?”

  “Get off.”

  She flashed a grin at me and shifted her weight far more playfully than I wanted her to before doing as I asked.

  A familiar voice caught my attention. “Sam?”

  I sat up to find Jenna a few feet away, leaning up against Aine. While the assassin was curiously not covered in blood like I remembered, the moment I saw my little sister’s distressed, confused face, it was all I could focus on. “Jenna, I’m here.”

  “Sam, what the hell is going on? I— We— One second we’re driving through West bumfuck Virginia and the next you’re making out with some— wait, is she— No, elves aren’t real.”

  “Yeah, about that.”

  Wide-eyed, Jenna quietly pleaded, “Christ, please let me wake up before we run off the road. I’ll never fall asleep at the wheel again.”

  “Jenna, you’re not asleep.”

  She glanced about warily. “Are you sure? This feels like a ren faire nightmare. With elves. Tell me this isn’t a ren faire nightmare.”

  “Nope, not a ren faire, and before you ask, you and I are the only ones who speak English.”

  That seemed to square with her even worse. “What? Why? Are we stuck in some Ise— No, nevermind.”

  I grinned when she averted her eyes. “You were going to say Iseki, weren’t you? You fuckin’ nerd.”

  She made a sour face and swatted at me. “Look, it’s not my fault anime is the last bastion of storylines that don’t suck.”

  “Ah, yes, I was reborn as a toaster in another world and now my eleventy elven slave-wives butter my bread every morning.” She squinted at me. “Or how about I stubbed my toe, fell into another world, and now I’m on the run from the Demon Lord’s gay cousin who thinks I’m into him and I’m not even gay.”

  Jenna looked away again, this time clearly trying not to smirk.

  As I helped her to her feet, I added, “Or maybe then there’s I built a hentai ray gun in another world with an old CRT TV, some gently used tissues, and a magical personal massager.”

  “Okay, okay, there’s some real weird shit, but I never said all of it was good, okay?” Jenna relented and started looking around. “Uhm, Sam, why are we standing in the middle of a field of bodies? Where’d the truck go? Why’s the guy with the lute have your shotgun?”

  “So, yeah, about that,” I said, going out of my way to sound evasive. “I suppose I should go in order of believability. First, the bard has my shotgun because I lent it to him.”

  “The bard—”

  “Second, we’re in a field of bodies because they made some remarkably unfortunate life choices.”

  “That sounds—”

  “Third, you rolled the truck. Spacetime ate it. Your guess is as good as mine where it went.”

  “Spacetime doesn’t just—”

  “Oh, and yeah, as far as I can tell, this might as well be an Isekai.”

  She squinted at me, glanced toward Cailleach and Aine, and then squinted at me again before slugging me in the shoulder. “You fuckin’ nerd.”

  We both chuckled for a few seconds before she looked around again. “Did I really roll the truck? Why I don’t feel like I rolled a truck?”

  “Probably Aine over there. She got to you first and she’s pretty skilled at putting people back together.” I decided not to point out that Aine was just as good, if not better, at taking people apart.

  Gratitude seemed to be a fairly universal language, as Aine smiled when Jenna thanked her. Admittedly, everyone present could understand my half of the conversation, so that might’ve left less to their imagination.

  Jenna cast a suspicious eye toward Cailleach. “And the one you were making out with?”

  I breathed in and slowly exhaled. “Cailleach. The Bard is Tomas and the giant is Millwall.”

  “Holy shit. How did I miss the giant?”

  “Look, Jenna, as much as I’d like to keep talking, we should probably cut this short. The folks who sent these bodies might decide to go for round three.”

  “Oh. Well yeah, let’s get the hell out of here.”

  Cailleach held up a finger. “As much as I agree our continuing presence here is unwise, Samuel, we can’t leave just yet.”

  “Why’s that, Cailleach?”

  “House precept number two: leave no evidence.”

  I pointedly glanced about the literal field of corpses. “I think this is a bit beyond our ability to hide, dear.”

  She shook her head and leaned over the body by her feet. She came up with one of her black-fletched arrows. “The bodies themselves, I’ll concede, but anything of ours we can retrieve, we must.”

  I shrugged. “Eh, if we ever figure out enough, I guess we can reload the brass.”

  “Millwall, Tomas,” I yelled. “We’re not leaving anything behind. Gather up the shotgun shells, and if you see any of my brass, that too.”

  Millwall waved back and gave me a thumbs up. I turned my attention back to Cailleach before starting my search for brass. “If the second precept is about evidence, what’s the first?”

  Her hand drifted to the hilt on her belt, and I quickly glanced in the direction she was frowning. “Leave no witnesses.”

  A handful of what I took to be the local militia had turned out and were cautiously approaching with torches held high. The entire group appeared to be composed of military aged males and armed. They didn’t have their weapons drawn, but at this point they didn’t need to as far as I was concerned. Compared to my last deployment, my current ROE was a stiff sneeze from unrestricted.

  I directed my closed eyes skyward as I sighed, then press-checked my pistol. “It never ends, does it, Cailleach?”

  “Which ‘it’ are we referring to?”

  “People being pointlessly suicidal.”

  “Well, they are human,” Cailleach commented flatly.