I slept most of my time off.

  Something had left me drained.

  Can’t imagine what.

  Anyway, the next time I walked into the store, Clipboard Tyrant - whom I shall now call CT for short - was sitting there, as Tyrant-y as ever.

  “Minio - “

  “Boss - “

  We both started at the same time.

  Wait, really? Minion?

  “I worked QA.” I stated.

  “Good for you” he grunted back, back to looking at his clipboard.

  “Boss, that is seriously messed up.”

  He looked up at me, an eyebrow raised.

  “Please, don’t let me stop you now,” he drawled.

  I clenched my teeth.

  “You literally dilute the potions! That is so dirty!”

  CT actually set his clipboard down and waddled over to me, reaching up to place a warty hand on my shoulder.

  “Son, listen to me,” he spoke with an oddly sincere voice.

  I was immediately on guard.

  “You might not have noticed,” he heaved a great sigh of mock sorrow. “We’re goblins, son. One of the many perks of being a goblin? Nobody trusts you.”

  I was going to have to go look up the definition of ‘perk’. Because I am pretty sure we had completely different ideas for it.

  “Now,” he continued sagely, “If no one trusts us, then they expect us to rip them off.

  It would be entirely unsafe for me to sell products at their correct price.”

  He had his hand on his chest now, looking to the sky.

  “In fact, it would be utterly unethical for me to deceive my customers in such a way. I could never deceive my customers in such a way! I simply must give them what they expect.”

  He continued staring off into the distance, nose pointed up.

  I realized something at that moment.

  I was learning. I was learning how to be a villain.

  This.

  This is how villains are made.

  CT looked back at me, an eyebrow raised.

  “I…said that out loud, didn’t I?”

  CT picked up his clipboard and smiled, all goblin teeth and shooed me away. “Get to work, Beeg.”

  The story has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  —-

  I realized when I got to Aisle Three (which was open again for business), that I had forgotten to buy my new mop bucket.

  Which could very well turn into a decidedly deadly mistake.

  I also had to wonder just what exactly happened on Aisle Three for it to be shut down. I had seen the store eat TWO customers my last shift, and the aisle stayed open.

  I eyed the shelves warily. I also made sure to do an extra good job dusting the shelves.

  Sometime during the day, It slouched into the aisle.

  It. Not Stupid. Not Ugly. It.

  I never saw It.

  He stood there and stared at me.

  No expression. Just…blank.

  “Uh, hello?” I tried.

  He sat down in the middle of the aisle and pulled out a lunch sack I hadn’t noticed before.

  “Lunch,” he finally spoke, voice just as monotone as ever.

  Wait, was It offering to have lunch with me?

  I slowly collapsed to the floor. First lunch break of the job—what a start.

  “Beeg, you don’t take lunch,” he stated.

  That got a wry grin out of me.

  He dug around in his sack and pulled out something wrapped in brown paper, offering it to me.

  “Uhm, thank you?” I choked out, far too flabbergasted to do anything else.

  Inside was a slimy, wet fluorescent blue lizard, gooey eyes still oozing.

  “I… uh… the food—wow,” I choked. “It looks… really… wonderful.”

  It stared at me, before offering a brief smile of his own and dropping back to his own lunch.

  I had no idea what it was, but it made me glad I had the lizard.

  A moment later he looked up at me, clearly expecting me to eat.

  I smiled tightly.

  Surely I didn’t survive this long, just to die to lizard bacteria…right?

  He continued to stare.

  Please, someone save me.

  At that moment, I heard a sound I never thought I would be happy to hear.

  “Beeeg!!!” Stupid screeched as she careened down the hall.

  “Stupid,” I cried out in relief, hurriedly glancing over at It to see if he noticed.

  He seemed too engrossed in his…lunch to notice.

  “Stupid paid taxes last night! Bed is perfect now!” She twirled happily.

  It snorted without looking up.

  My jaw dropped to the floor again.

  “Also!” She happily continued, “Look what happens when Stupid sneezes!”

  She proceeded to sneeze.

  The sound of thunder straight from the hand of a lightning mage exploded and my entire vision flashed pink.

  A blast of wind careened down the hallway, blowing my lunch who knows where.

  Oh no. How sad.

  When my vision returned, I saw It keeled over in front of me, choking on his lunch - the surprise flashbang from Stupid just too much to survive.

  “Oh!” Stupid cried “Beeg! It eez choking! Stupid will fix it!”

  She started wagging her finger and screaming nonsense.

  It looked at me in sheer terror.

  Dragons Above, she is going to kill It I thought in a daze.

  It reached out a trembling hand towards me, body spread out on the floor.

  “Stupid, STOP!” I screamed.

  She stopped in surprise, mid gibberish rant. Then she sneezed and coughed.

  I watched It catapult off the ground and crash into a shelf - his lunch blasting free and flying who knows where.

  “Stupid helps!” She cried, dancing in happy circles - her ears flapping wildly.

  It crawled up slowly, using the shelf for support.

  “Beeg,” he wheezed. “Thanks for the save. I’m going to…go,” he croaked, hobbling down the aisle.

  Stupid waved after him happily.

  I really hoped Stupid never mis-aimed one of those sneezes towards me.