I was halfway through sweeping up what I hoped was glitter and not powdered gremlin teeth when I noticed something odd.

  Aisle Three had shifted.

  Not like… “someone moved a display” shifted.

  I mean the whole aisle. Bent slightly to the left. Like it was trying to listen.

  I blinked. Looked again. Nope. Still crooked.

  “Stupid?” I called.

  She popped out of a nearby barrel, ears flapping wildly. “Yeth?”

  “…Wait. Is that the soul pickle barrel?”

  She looked me dead in the eye. “No.”

  I looked at the label.

  “Stupid, it literally reads ‘Soul Pickles - not for minions’” I said in exasperation.

  Without breaking eye contact, she reached down and peeled off the label, proceeded to eat it.

  And then smiled happily.

  As if that solved everything.

  Not my problem.

  “Ok. Right. This is fine. Moving on! Was that shelf always at a 32-degree angle?”

  She looked. Shrugged. “Store likes to stretch sometimes.”

  “…Stretch?”

  “Yeth! Like a cat! … Or a corpse that’s been in one place too long.” She finished thoughtfully.

  She smiled happily at me.

  I reconsidered my life choices.

  Not for the first time in….

  Two days.

  Yep.

  Two Days.

  “Ohh!” She exclaimed, popping out of the barrel. “Watch this!”

  She stood in the middle of the aisle, her arms raised above her head - which was comical enough considering her ears towered higher still.

  “Ohhh great mageeeek store!” She screeched.

  “Stupid, shut up down there!” I heard the store manager bellow from the front of the store.

  My ears agreed. How could one tiny creature be so dang loud?

  As if on cue, the ugliest creature I had ever seen skittered around the corner and stopped right in front of Stupid. She paused and looked at him.

  “You not mageeek store, why you here?” She asked.

  “Stupid, the last time you screeched like that the store tried to kill you. What are you doing?” The surprisingly articulate creature - which I now realized was a goblin - spoke.

  “Nooo, last time store come to help Stupid!” She beamed.

  The new goblin, which looked like a mix between a waterlogged rat and…well yea, a waterlogged rat, turned and marched up to me.

  The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

  I always thought goblins were three to four feet tall, but they just keep getting shorter here. This one can’t be more than a foot and a half I idly thought to myself.

  The creature eyed me up, before stopping on my nametag.

  “This is an outrage” he spluttered furiously. “An abomination! A catastrophe!” He blustered on.

  “I’m sorry….what?” I responded.

  The tiny creature raised a furiously trembling finger to point at my nametag.

  “This is an INSULT!” He squawked.

  I; in turn, looked at his nametag.

  “Little Ugly.”

  No.

  “THIS IS AN OUTRAGE” we both screamed at the same time, turning in sync to find the manager.

  —-

  “What do you idiots want?” Clipboard Tyrant snarked, not even looking up from the half-formed sandwich he was making.

  Ugly puffed out his chest. “That one!” He pointed at me, furious. “This… this insult to goblinkind is wearing a nametag that mocks all of us!”

  I looked at my nametag and then at Stupid, who was casually examining a nearby shelf like this whole thing wasn’t happening.

  “I’m not—”

  “Don’t you dare say anything!” Little Ugly (whom I decided to call just Ugly) screeched, waving his hands. “You’ve crossed a line!”

  “What line?! I didn’t do anything!” I exclaimed.

  The manager glanced at my nametag and just sighed. “Not goblinkind Little Ugly - just you. And honestly, it fits. He is just as ugly as you - in a different way. Get over it.”

  Ugly froze, looking horrified. “You…”

  I was pretty sure I had never been so insulted in my entire life.

  No, I was absolutely positive.

  This waterlogged rat was offended I was named after him. I was offended that I am named after him.

  How the HELLS are we on the opposite side of the argument here?!?

  “You two get along, or you’ll both be cleaning the rat urn.” the manager growled, tapping his finger on the counter

  The little goblin paled. “Not the rat urn…”

  A rat.

  Urn.

  A what.

  “Don’t ask,” Little Ugly the goblin said, voice full of dread. “Just… don’t.”

  I gave him a half-hearted nod, then turned back to Clipboard Tyrant (who ironically was the tallest goblin I had seen since I got here), who was already turning back to his sandwich.

  I removed my name tag and slowly ripped it in two.

  Tyrant raised an eyebrow.

  I repinned it to my shirt.

  Now, I was just Beeg. Albeit still in bright pink crayon.

  Ugly stared at me before nodding in approval.

  “Yeth!” Stupid suddenly screamed, popping up from behind a shelf like a jack-in-the-box. She stretched her arms over her head in a gesture that could’ve been endearing if it weren’t so ridiculous. “Thank you for the help, oh great mageeeeek store!”

  Little Ugly slapped his face in frustration. “Stupid, would you shut up before you get one of us squashed!”

  “Mageeek store no hurt Stupid! Mageeek store is friend!” She beamed, flailing happily down the now perilous Aisle Three.

  “Is it…really alive?” I whispered slowly, eyes darting around.

  Ugly glanced at me.

  “Yeah…but it’s a special kind of alive,” Ugly responded thoughtfully, ushering me back to my aisle. “Not like you are alive.”

  He stopped to think for a moment.

  “More like… it knows.”

  I wasn’t sure whether that was more comforting or terrifying. I glanced at Stupid, who was still happily skipping around the aisle. She had no idea what was happening—or maybe she did, and I was just behind.

  I caught the store manager’s eyes as he waddled by, a vague look of amusement on his face. “It’s fine,” he said flatly, before disappearing into the back again. “No need to make a fuss.”

  Yeah, sure, no need. Just a living store that rearranges itself on a whim, no big deal.

  “Safety First, right?” I laughed weakly.

  The store creaked back.

  “Alright, I’m out of here,” I said aloud to no one in particular, turning to head toward the exit. But as I walked, I felt the floor shift again, ever so slightly, and I knew the store was still… watching.

  “I think tomorrow I will clean the floor on Aisle Three extra nice, just because” I said to no one in particular, eyeing the store warily.

  I could have sworn the shelves leaned back and the light increased ever so slightly.

  Right. Day Three.

  Cleaning so I don’t die day.