Phima’s nails were digging into my wooden countertop, while baring her teeth at me.

  “You believe what that filth has to say?”

  “First of all.” Doing a motion with my hand to present yours truly. “I am the filth too, you know.” Moving over to my FoodLocker to start the process of restocking. Considering I now had a sweet amount of dosh to effectively “make it rain”, in the broader sense anyway. “How about I fix you up a mean sandwich and we can talk about this rationally, ye?”

  She huffed, but her pointy ears did a cute little wiggle that told me she was more curious than furious.

  “What’s a sandwich… n-not that you’re out of the woods yet, I’m just asking is all.”

  The fact that these adventurers and monster people were all but oblivious to modern words and food, I couldn’t help but snicker at what future interactions would look like. Like, will I have to start printing menus with translations? The idea making me snort a little.

  “Hmmm, what do you dragons prefer diet-wise? Is it mostly sheep and other unfortunate animals that cross your path?”

  “I let you know, my kind… or what’s left of it, are noble hunters that only kill the most worthy…”

  “So sheep and cows then.”

  I didn’t turn, but there was something about the air that screamed “if you turn now, you’re finished”, and I wasn’t about to confirm that feeling.

  After scrolling for some time; longer than I care to admit. Shut up, I love sandwiches and a guy has to have some range, sue me! I found a combination that I hope she’d like.

  Lucky for me, my latest guests had paid me in perfect change, so now I could select without the fear of being scammed by my own pantry.

  My first coin effortlessly slid inside the smile-like opening beneath the interface and the payment message was confirmed.

  [Please Wait]

  I stood back with my arms crossed, listening to the clatter and hissing of whatever it was doing in there. My imagination giving me the funniest scenery, when I heard shoes scraping up behind me.

  Phima was right at my back and was waiting anxiously like a child on their first day of school. “What’s that magical device do?”

  Right… their world would probably revolve around magic as well as skills. Not that our worlds were that far apart now—thanks to that door. “It’s a.” I paused, trying to come up with a medieval time that wouldn’t overload her RAM. “It cooks things.” Sometimes KISS is the best approach in life.

  She flinched at the upbeat chime, confirming my order had been completed.

  I moved forward, feeling her sharp knives for claws retreat from my back, and I opened the door. “Oh good god in heaven.” The smell was—mouthwatering. You know when you wake up at 2am for a snack and find a leftover grilled cheese sandwich? That! I was looking at a perfectly grilled ham-and-cheese sandwich. Every inch of that gold-brown delight having me question, why I hadn’t ordered 2.

  Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

  Hhhh… sighing heavily and grabbing the paper plate and placing it gently on the counter. The smell, so intoxicating, I was biting my lip subconsciously. You dirty little sandwich, looking all juicy n shit.

  “Please, dig in.” Pulling my chair out and offering it to her.

  She hesitated, for like a split second really and then sat, as I pushed her chair in like a toddler’s.

  “Can you explain what this ‘mean’ sandwich is now?” Her hands resting on her lap and looking puzzled.

  “Ok, you guys have bread right?” She nodded. “Ok, so… my people baked bread and then said ‘fuck it’ and baked it again, but with a twist.” Her eyes were following my mouth, like I was teaching her quantum physics or something. “They put selected food inside, in this case.” Making a ta-dah motion with my hands. “The legendary Ham-and-Cheese Sanga.”

  “What’s a sanga? I thought this was a mean sandwich.”

  “Sh sh shh. Just enjoy this bread, we can teach you further culture later.” Then stepping back slowly, standing there like a man about to document history in the making. To be fair, it kind of was.

  Phima grabbed the steaming item so clumsily, I had a mind to go over there and cut it into baby sized portions.

  She then peeled the first layer off and began eating the insides with precise pokes of her nails. Making me cringe in disbelief. “It’s like watching someone grab a knife-and-fork for a burrito—blasphemy.” I whispered to myself, but hearing subtle moans from the table.

  “Enjoying it, are we?” I smiled while approaching her from the side, since if she was a type of animal, you’d not want to approach from the back.

  In the time it took me to walk over, my eyes closed for the briefest of moments, the plate was empty and her red eyes glued to mine.

  “Do you have any more of this ‘mean’ sandwich?” Her voice now, so much softer and polite, almost angelic really.

  “It’s not.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. Greg you need to be careful what you say, these people take things very literally. “It’s just a sandwich.”

  “Well, can I have another just a sandwich please.”

  “Sandwich. That’s the thing you ate. And yes, I can make you another.” I mean, technically the locker provides. As I moved back to the interface and proceeded to my selection process.

  When I was interrupted AGAIN by hissing, growling and cursing.

  “Relax young miss, we’ve just come to speak with sir?” Waiting for me to confirm.

  “Reed.” There was no point in arguing about what title to adopt at this point in time. Adventurers would make them up as they wanted.

  “Sir Reed, yes. We have come to, well.” The leader nervously stuttering along. “Originally, we wanted our previous arrangement, but the winds have turned I’m afraid.” The men in the background nodding in unison, like a weird set of background dancers, that were only paid from the neck up.

  “Air huh. Smelling like this?” I had keyed in my entry, while the man had fumbled his words and was now holding a brand new sandwich.

  “This one is for the lady though.”

  The group stepped out of my kitchen almost like I had ordered it. Oh Ramsay.

  “People who want food are to sit at the table and wait to be served, understood!”

  The men nodded again and swiftly departed to my newly, but shitty dining arrangement, while I presented young Phima with her next helping. “Hope you enjoy. But please—eat it like this.”