Day 17

  To serve a Lord is to endure hardship. I have starved in the mountains of Iga. I have sat motionless in a cesspit for three days to assassinate a corrupt magistrate. I have taken an arrow to the knee and walked it off.

  But nothing prepared me for the "Pink Shame."

  I stood before a wall of mirrors, illuminated by harsh, unforgiving light. I was clad in the accursed garment Aoi had washed with red towels—a t-shirt the color of a cherry blossom’s dying breath. Below, my black ninja hakama were tucked aggressively into white tube socks.

  "Stop posing, Masa," Aoi yawned, scratching her stomach. "We ate the Molten Cheese Chakram yesterday. Today, we burn it."

  We were in a place she called Anytime Fitness. But as I surveyed the room, I knew the truth.

  This was a Penal Colony.

  Everywhere I looked, men with muscles the size of sake barrels were engaged in futile, torturous labor. They lifted heavy plates of iron, groaned in agony, and then—in a display of utter madness—put them back down in the exact same spot. It was the punishment of Sisyphus, industrialized.

  "Why do they suffer so, My Lady?" I whispered, hiding my face. "What crimes did they commit to be sentenced to the Iron Dungeon?"

  "They pay forty dollars a month to do this," Aoi said, shoving me toward a row of black machines. "Now get on the treadmill."

  She pointed to a mechanical contraption. A simple belt of rubber. I stepped onto it cautiously.

  "Walk," she commanded, pressing a button on the Oracle Slate attached to the machine.

  The ground beneath me lurched.

  "Sorcery!" I hissed, grabbing the plastic railings. The earth was sliding backward! It was a landslide simulation! A trap designed to throw the unwary into a pit of spikes!

  "It's just walking, weirdo. Don't fall off." Aoi put headphones on her ears and began checking her own Slate, ignoring my peril.

  I walked. The machine hummed—a low, predatory growl. I looked at the console. Numbers flashed in red. Speed: 3.0.

  "You mock me, spirit of the machine?" I muttered. "You think Hattori Masanari walks at the pace of a grazing cow?"

  I saw a button marked with a 'Plus' symbol. I pressed it. The ground moved faster. I matched its pace.

  I pressed it again. And again. Speed: 10.0.

  My legs began to pump. The wind from the air conditioner—Lord Glacial’s cousin, perhaps—blew against my face.

  "Is this your best?" I challenged the machine. "I have outrun horses! I have outrun arrows! I have outrun my own father’s disappointment!"

  I slammed the button until it read MAX.

  This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

  The belt screamed. I abandoned all pretense of civilian jogging. I threw my arms behind me, leaned my torso forward to cut the air resistance, and engaged the Hayagake (Rapid Running Style).

  My legs became a blur. To the observer, I must have looked like a pink streak of lightning hovering above the rubber. The machine whined in protest, struggling to keep up with the fury of the Iga Clan.

  "Hah! Hahaha! You cannot catch me!" I yelled at the stationary timer.

  "Sir?" a voice called out. "Sir, please stop screaming at the equipment."

  I leaped off the machine while it was still moving, landing in a perfect crouch. I was sweating. It felt... good. My heart hammered like a war drum.

  "Excellent training, My Lady," I panted. Aoi looked up from her phone, blinking.

  "You were on that for three minutes," she said. "Whatever. Take a break. I’m going to use the elliptical."

  I wandered deeper into the dungeon. That is when I saw it.

  In the corner lay a massive purple sphere. It was soft, rubbery, and vibrated with potential energy.

  A weapon?

  I poked it. It bounced.

  A trap.

  I observed a man sitting on a similar ball, lifting weights. It was a test of balance! A challenge for the core!

  "I accept," I whispered.

  I approached the sphere. Instead of sitting, I leaped atop it, landing on one leg in the ‘Crane Stalking the Fish’ stance. I closed my eyes, centering my chakra. Perfect balance. The sphere did not wobble. I was one with the rubber.

  "Look at that core strength," I heard someone whisper.

  My ego swelled. I decided to dismount with a flourish—a backward somersault.

  I pushed off.

  The laws of physics in this era are treacherous. The rubber sphere did not remain still. As I pushed back, it shot forward with the velocity of a cannonball.

  Thwack.

  "MY FACE!"

  I landed my backflip perfectly, arms crossed. Then I opened my eyes.

  The purple sphere had ricocheted off a wall and struck a man—let us call him the Giant of Iron—squarely in the nose. The Giant dropped his dumbbells. They crashed through the floor mat.

  The room went silent.

  "Masa!" Aoi hissed, rushing over. She grabbed my arm. "Time to go. Now."

  "But the battle is not won! I have yet to lift the heavy rocks!"

  She dragged me to the exit, but not before handing me a plastic shaker cup filled with a thick, brown sludge.

  "Drink this. It’ll shut you up. It’s protein."

  "Protein?" I sniffed it. It smelled of artificial chocolate and chalk. "The Mud of Strength?"

  We stood outside in the parking lot. The Giant of Iron was staring at us through the glass window, holding an ice pack to his face.

  I downed the sludge in one gulp. It was thick. It coated my throat like river clay.

  Suddenly, a sensation washed over me. My stomach gurgled. My veins throbbed.

  "By the Gods..." I looked at my hands. They were shaking. "I feel it. The power of the Ox God! It flows through me!"

  I grabbed an apple I had saved in my sash for a snack. "Observe, Aoi! With this elixir, I shall crush this fruit into juice!"

  I squeezed. I strained. My face turned red. The veins in my neck bulged.

  The apple remained perfectly intact.

  "It’s... a very sturdy apple," I wheezed, my arms trembling.

  "You’re an idiot," Aoi sighed, walking toward the bus stop. "And put your shoes back on. You got us banned for being barefoot."

  I walked behind her, arms held wide to accommodate the phantom muscles I was certain were currently growing. The path of the warrior is long, but at least now, I am fueled by the chocolate mud of the gods.

  Masanari’s Cultural Notes

  ? The Penal Colony (Anytime Fitness): A strange temple where citizens pay tribute to lift heavy objects that serve no construction purpose. It operates 24 hours a day, suggesting the torture never ends.

  ? The Scroll of Endless Earth (Treadmill): A conveyor belt designed to simulate the sensation of running from a landslide. The "Incline" feature is a simulation of Mount Fuji.

  ? The Sphere of Instability (Yoga Ball): A deceptively bouncy siege weapon. When stomped upon, it retaliates with kinetic fury.

  ? The Mud of Strength (Protein Shake): A viscous brown potion. It tastes like dirt mixed with sugar, but the locals believe it grants the strength of ten men. I mostly felt bloated.

  Countdown Update

  83 Days Remaining until I become a Legend.

  Next Episode Preview

  Episode 18: Masanari discovers the concept of "Online Shopping." He attempts to buy a katana on Amazon but accidentally orders a box of 500 plastic spoons. Also, the mysterious "Porch Pirate" strikes!

  “My Lady! A thief has stolen our supplies from the doorstep! I shall track him to the ends of the earth... or at least to the neighbor's apartment!”

  Ko-fi.com/ninjawritermasa