Hidden Love, Exposed Loss

  What was he supposed to do? He could only stand there, looking around at the consequences of weakness. Something he had not felt in a long time, and now? He did not know how to deal with it. Millions of thoughts, millions of situations, yet none to tell him what to do. While he was spiraling, a voice pierced his daze.

  ?“Brother!”

  ?It took a second before Blade registered the voice and looked to see Aisha, yet she seemed hurt. How long had she been running? No, how had she found him? Yet none of it mattered as she reached him.

  ?“Brother, I’m glad I found you.”

  ?She had a small smile, though she also looked distressed at the damage and pain around them. Yet Blade’s eyes were only on the slash on her cheek. Holding her shoulders, he asked.

  ?“Are you okay? How were you hurt?”

  ?“Brother, I—”

  ?Though she did not get the time to say anything, as Blade gripped her stronger.

  ?“Tell me, Aisha, who hurt you? I swear I'll make them pay. I'll make sure you are never hurt again, okay?”

  ?He saw the fear in her eyes, which just urged him on further to find out.

  ?“Tell me, Aisha, it’s going to be okay.”

  ?Blade could not afford to lose more people. He had to protect her, he had to. What other use did he have? What else was his purpose?

  ?“Tell me—”

  ?“Brother, stop it!”

  ?Aisha screamed, knocking Blade out of it, as he stepped back.

  ?"The one who hurt me was you, okay!?"

  ?Aisha continued, bruised from how hard Blade had gripped her.

  ?At the words, Blade felt dizzy. He had caused it? When? Why? He would never hurt her. She was someone precious to him, he only wanted to protect her.

  ?“I'm sorry, I'm sorry… Please forgive me.”

  ?He repeated the words, again and again, as if trying to make up for an unforgivable sin. Wanting to hold her, to soothe her fear. Blade was losing it, he was lost.

  ?He thought he probably must have done it while using Dawn of the Fallen. As it was his first time, the control must have been bad, coupled with the euphoria, it was not surprising if he did not notice. Even so, it troubled him.

  ?He did not understand it, he only wanted to protect the last one he had left, yet all he got back was fear, as she said.

  ?“Shut up!”

  ?Aisha said. She was trembling, her hand clutched above her chest, but most of all, all the fear she had harbored. Though some of the fear was towards the surroundings, most of it was pointed at Blade, at the man who now stood in front of her.

  ?“But Aisha, listen to me—”

  ?“No, you listen!"

  ?Aisha said, more resolved now than Blade had ever seen her.

  ?“I’m not a child who can’t handle anything. Who are you?”

  ?“I… I’m Blade—”

  ?Blade said weakly, though yet again met with a retort as she shook her head.

  ?“No, you are not. My brother wouldn't act like this. My brother is strong, he wants to protect others. He wouldn't freeze up now at a crucial moment like this.”

  ?Aisha was pouring out her heart, saying everything she believed in. The fear was forgotten, with only a strong resolve left. It shook Blade, made him take a step back, and held him from falling. Yet it was her next words that truly crushed him.

  ?“My brother wants to save people. Yet he knows it is selfish. What you are doing is selfishly trying to protect everyone, without realizing it.”

  ?She said as the tears began to fall.

  ?“We care about you, Blade… it's scary seeing you like this… I want my brother back.”

  ?She was crying, she was sad. But most of all, did she truly only want the one person she could call family, yet he was not acting like it?

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  ?A second passed between them, then another. And before he knew it, he was on the ground. Not that he cared, though. Blade simply hung his head as Aisha walked past him. As she began helping the wounded and grieving, Blade could only sit there in his own worthlessness

  ?He had wanted nothing more than power to be able to finally be able to protect and save everyone, especially the ones close to him. Yet to gain that power, he had to lose the ones closest to him. And when he accepted the power, he turned worse than the ones he wished to protect people from. Was this just the reality of being human? Longing for power and having it corrupt you. Did he deserve any of this? He had simply been lucky, gifted. It could not be his fault, he was just brought here. Despite all this were the words that left his mouth.

  ?“I’m… pathetic.”

  ?The words were weak, slow, and dragged out. Yet loud enough only for him. Excuse after excuse. All he did was make excuses. The same one who had said he would protect everyone was acting this pathetic. Maybe this was what Severance had meant when she called him pathetic.

  ?Summoning his Severance, he put her against his own neck. He did not deserve to live, did not deserve continuing this path, did not deserve everything he got. The trust of his friends, the powers from Severance, the care they all had for him.

  ?A drag, a quick slash, and blood would spray. A pathetic death for a pathetic man. Someone undeserving of all he had gotten. At least it will be over now. When he went to hell, maybe he could look back, maybe he would be granted the right to see a world where someone better got this chance. Where someone deserving did this. "It would be much better," was what Blade thought as he closed his eyes.

  ?Yet it refused all of it. He was not dead, he was still breathing. There was no blood. His mind knew what it wanted, yet his body refused. Because through it all, the word rang in his mind.

  ?Care.

  ?Aisha had cared for him. Severance had cared for him. Iris and Indra had both cared for him in their own ways. Yet he had thrown it all, but not away.

  ?Getting up, he finally understood it. They had cared for him, wanting him to live how he pleased so he could chase his dream. Yet he had only wanted them safe, not caring about himself or how they felt about it. The euphoria he had felt when fighting that thing… If it truly was a foreign feeling, he would have rejected it. Those feelings were the true him. The one who wanted to protect. It was never about saving or caging others, but to save them so they could live out their dreams. That was who he was.

  ?Blade. A name so familiar, yet it felt as if he just understood. A blade that would cut anything to make sure people could stay safe.

  ?Ignoring the time that had passed and ignoring the people who only saw a sulking man running, he looked for Aisha. Finding her in an empty, ruined house.

  ?“Aisha! I’m glad I found you.”

  ?Blade was smiling. It was not a large grin nor a smile of sadness. Simple one of someone who found themself.

  ?“Bro… Blade, what are you doing here?”

  ?“I wanted to talk… no, I needed to apologize."

  ?“Apologize for what?”

  ?“For everything. I ignored the care you all have shown me, I let my own greed and selfishness consume me. I know an apology can't make up for that. I threw everything away."

  ?Aisha was left surprised. She had expected an apology, yet not one with such feelings. At least wanting to listen, Aisha patted the space beside her, though still refusing to look Blade in the eyes.

  ?He was not surprised by this, sitting beside her, he said.

  ?“No more secrets, no more hidden agendas. I'll tell you exactly what I want and mean. Anything you want, and I’ll answer.”

  ?“Why would you do that?”

  ?“Because there should be no hidden agendas between families, especially between people who care for each other.”

  ?“And how would you know?"

  ?“I don’t. But I know I want to protect you, and to do that I need to be able to protect myself. So that the people I care about don't have to continue to worry. Am I really protecting them if they have to live in worry?”

  ?“That’s not it. I care about you too, I don't want to see you throwing yourself in danger. Can't you just stay?”

  ?“No.”

  ?To the response, Aisha looks defeated, tears welling in her eyes. She did not like it and did not truly want to accept it. Yet when his hand presses gently to her head, she looks up at him again.

  ?“I have never had a family, never had people to truly care for. And I never noticed the people who cared for me. I don't need your pity, I'm just a kid struggling to adapt. I'm sorry I can’t be the big brother you need. I can try my best, but it is up to you if that will ever be good enough.”

  ?Aisha curls into him as she beats her hand against his chest.

  ?“Stupid, stupid, stupid… you will always be good enough.”

  ?She says, crying freely. In the end, all she wanted was a family. She was not hopeful enough for the perfect family, nor idealistic enough to wish for the perfect brother. Yet to her, Blade was everything she could have wished for, and so it hurt her the most when she had watched him so depressed.

  ?After calming down, Aisha simply let herself stay in Blade's embrace as they talked. It felt nice and safe, warm even. A feeling neither of them had truly understood yet both wanted to experience more.

  ?“So is there something you want to ask me?”

  He wanted to hear, and answer any questions she had about him.

  ?“Why are you doing this? Why do you have to go?”

  ?“Raiden… the former protector of your village, and the one who took your voice, she took the authorities of my friends and killed them. I want to get them back.”

  ?“I see… so that's why… who are you then? You haven't really told me a lot… about yourself.”

  ?“Well, where do I begin? The first thing is probably… I’m not from the Origin Realm.”

  ?Blade was opening up. Gambling on the singular secret he had not planned to give to anyone. But secrets fracture relationships, and to reconstruct the bond between him and Aisha, he would have to tell her.

  ?Aisha looked surprised, she did not fully understand what he meant.

  ?“What do you mean? Aren't you from the Origin Realm? Where else could you be from?”

  ?“I come from a planet, probably far from here. My planet has no name that I know of, so let's call it Tersei. It's similar to the Origin Realm, but with a lot less diversity. It also doesn't have mora, and really it's just much weaker in general. The one who tried attacking me when we first met could probably defeat everyone there pretty easily, with little trouble.”

  ?Aisha seems a bit embarrassed to be reminded of that, as a blush creeps up her cheek, but she pushes through as a question still remains.

  ?“Well then, since you're not from here, what are you then?”

  ?Blade had known this question would eventually come. It was just a matter of time, really. He did not mind, though, he had said he would tell her, and no matter what, he would never lie to a friend, let alone family. Taking a deep breath of air, he finally told her.

  ?“I am… a human.”