I watched the smoke rise from the knight’s golden helmet as Dickhead answered my question.

  “While I can’t yet see the assumed carnage you’ve left behind, You Know Who’s messages indicate that you’ve completed a hidden, timed quest.”

  I’d only noticed the hidden part.

  “How can you tell it was timed?”

  “You had to be at the right place, right time to find it. Named NPCs are reserved for special loot, boss encounters, and unique questlines, which means there aren’t a bunch of copies running around in the World Dungeon. Named NPCs, outside of Instances, don’t respawn after they’ve been killed. You’ve also initiated a new world questline that alters the requirements for completing the second expansion.”

  “I did what now?”

  “You’ve added a whole new set of quests that’ll need to get resolved before anyone can complete the second expansion.”

  “Are you sure? Because one of them ran off.”

  “That’s… concerning. Partially completed steps in a questline usually complicate later ones. Hopefully, it won’t be anything insurmountable.”

  “The guy was a cowardly, unarmed bard who made people’s chests glow red when he sang. What the frank is he going to do?”

  “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

  “These guys better have more than a dozen gold on them,” I grumbled. They were royalty, after all.

  The knight didn’t have any pockets, so I went over to the nearest prince and picked his instead.

  [You’ve gained: 3,500 gold, 1 binding plate armor of sworn protection, and 1 card of diplomatic immunity. Total gold: 5,457.]

  Before I finished reading the notification, Dickhead blurted, “Do not put that armor on!”

  I hadn’t planned on it, but now he went and piqued my interest.

  “Why not?”

  “Any item that starts with ‘binding’ means once you put it on, you can’t take it off without destroying it. Also, ‘sworn protection’ is a type of oath, and You Know Who is pretty strict in enforcing them. You’d be bound by the oath even if you removed the armor.”

  “Noted.”

  That explained why I couldn’t get Sir Royale’s armor off. I’d have to see if it was worth anything the next time I was in town.

  “You should hang on to that card as well. I’d wager you’ll need it for the questline in the second expansion.”

  I bent down to pick up the mace, but my skin started sizzling the moment I grabbed it. I dropped it immediately. The injury didn’t hurt much, but I wasn’t about to lose a hand over a stupid mace.

  “If I slip this weapon into my inventory, I won’t, like, melt down from the inside or anything, will I?”

  “Whatever you just did counted as a hostile action, so I’m blind for another five minutes. But no, you won’t melt down. All items in your inventory immediately enter stasis. The same goes for the storage chests inside your Lair.”

  I snatched the mace and tossed it into my inventory before it cooked my flesh to a crisp. Once inside, I could read the name of the item: holy one-handed mace. My manager must have seen it at the same time.

  He said, “Ah, that’s why your Vitality dropped just now. Undead and demons shouldn’t handle holy items without protection.”

  I stared down at Sir Royale’s corpse, debating if I could put the whole thing in my inventory. I also found it odd that I’d gotten his armor as loot while he still wore his. The same thing had happened with The Executioner’s axe, like the System was duplicating items or something. That was fine with me; I didn’t really want a naked body in my inventory anyway.

  I could’ve just asked my manager, but finding out for myself was more fun. After taking him by his gauntlet and pulling him over my shoulders, I tried tossing him into my inventory.

  When his body disappeared, I said, “Guess I don’t need to cut their heads off after all.”

  My plan was to heal up before eating their brains. I valued Intellect more than gold at the moment. It only took me a couple of minutes to go around and pull the other three corpses into my inventory. I guess as long as they were intact, they only took up one slot. Handy.

  I felt my gravekey come off cooldown and used it.

  [Exiting the Overworld. Please wait…]

  [Welcome to your Lair.]

  I stepped up to my Lair terminal and tapped on the common chest first. After it spawned, I gave it a love tap and read the notification.

  [You’ve gained: 100 gold and 1 potion of healing. Total gold: 5,557.]

  “Hell yeah,” I said. “That little potion is going to save me 500 bucks—I mean gold, whatever.”

  If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

  Next, I summoned the first of my World-first rare chests.

  The System said, “Twice Dead! It seems not even death can stop you. You’ve spurned the Reaper by being the first player to finish a fight after dropping more than your max Vitality into the negative. Enjoy your new title: Revenant!”

  I kicked the first chest open to get my credits.

  [You’ve gained: 1,000 credits. Total credits: 3,451.]

  I tapped on the second rare chest and listened to the System.

  “Royale Hunter! Actions have consequences. By ending the tour, you’ve claimed a seat at the table for the coming Game of Courts. Let’s see how you play the hand you’ve been dealt. Enjoy your new title: Joker!”

  “A damn card game? Is that what all this fuss was about?” I shrugged and booted the rare chest open.

  [You’ve gained: 1,000 credits. Total credits: 4,451.]

  Next, I checked my achievements.

  UPDATED!

  +3 NPCs killed.

  +6 Guardians killed.

  +5 Resource nodes unlocked.

  +9,166 Total gold earned.

  +3,057 Max gold held.

  +2,337 Total credits earned.

  +1,358 Max credits held.

  +38 Lair size.

  +2 Quests & objectives completed.

  +1 Hidden quests & objectives completed.

  I exited the Menu.

  [You’ve gained: 172 credits from new achievement milestones. Total credits: 4,623.]

  I stepped into the storage room and bent over to touch the storage chest. My leather jacket kept catching on the stupid quills that’d broken off in my back.

  I growled. “Jesus, that’s annoying.”

  A portal opened right behind me, and a skeleton stepped out.

  “You called, sire?” Jesus asked.

  I spun around, glanced at the portal and then at Jesus. Asking for help was about my least favorite thing to do, but I’d rather swallow a bit of pride than have to sleep on quills.

  “Could you give me a hand with something?”

  Pepper appeared in the doorway behind Jesus. “I’m free to help, boss!”

  “No,” Jesus said, holding up a bony hand. “I’ve got it.”

  She huffed. “But you’ve already got an assignment!”

  “You heard the master. He called me personally.”

  I had to put a stop to this. “Hold up there, bucko. I’m nobody’s lord.”

  Jesus turned to ask, “How would you like us to address you, sire?”

  “How about using my damn name, Frank?”

  Jesus waved his bony hands. “Oh no, sire. That’s far too formal.”

  “What about boss?” Pepper asked with a tilt of her skull.

  Technically, I was their boss. I guess I could live with that one.

  “Sure.”

  “You got it, boss!” She said with a firm nod.

  “Listen, I don’t care who does it, but I’ve got some quills on my back—”

  “Say no more, sire! We’re happy to help.”

  Too happy, I thought. I nearly socked Jesus in the skull when he stepped up to me and started unzipping my damn jacket.

  “Back off, Jesus. I need help with the quills, not getting undressed.”

  Pepper stepped up beside Jesus with her hands behind her back. “Perhaps you should get back to your assignment. I can take it from here.”

  “Sorry, sire,” Jesus said as his shoulder bones sank. He stepped back and dropped his gaze, looking mortified. “I suppose you’re right, Pepper. I—I’ll see to the timber.”

  A portal formed behind him. Trees were on the other side. Jesus gave a polite bow and then stepped through it.

  Pepper waited patiently as I deposited the card of diplomatic immunity and the holy one-handed mace.

  “You sure you don’t mind?” I asked, doublechecking.

  “Not at all, boss. Would you be more comfortable lying down in your bed?”

  I finished taking off my jacket and placed it on top of the storage chest. This felt like the start of a poorly written dirty movie.

  “Nope! I, uh… I’m fine right here, thanks.” I debated asking Jesus to come back.

  The quills tore my shirt to shreds as I pulled it off.

  “Dammit.” I sighed. But it didn’t really matter; I needed to stop by the clothing shop for new pants anyway.

  Pepper made quick work of the quills with her bony fingers. Reluctantly, I had to drop the back of my pants for her to dig the rest of them out. But she was very professional about the whole thing and even made small talk to avoid awkward silences.

  “So, any idea when you might get around to installing a workshop?”

  “That’s next on the list.”

  “Oh, that sounds terrific. I can’t wait. I assume I’ll be turning timber into planks. But I can refine any raw material you come across.” She kept plucking away as she spoke, but all I felt was a quick snag on my skin every couple of seconds.

  “Dick tells me you’ve found another Instance. Will that be on your to-do list for tomorrow?”

  “I was thinking about giving it a go today, but I guess it’s getting late.”

  “If I may, I’d suggest running the starter Instance again. It’ll let you hire more Freelancers, and you already know the boss fights. It wouldn’t hurt to get some early wins before you take on a new Instance.” She clapped her hands together. “All done.”

  While I was running low on Intellect, I figured I’d gain more in the new Instance. Her advice was sound, but a new Instance would earn me way more credits than running one I’d already completed. Also, I didn’t want to wait until the weekly reset to get back out there.

  I got dressed and said, “Thanks.” I crossed the hall and slipped into my bedroom.

  If I waited until tomorrow to expand my Lair, I could save a bit on my next Wage Hour. It wasn’t so much about saving fifty gold, sure that was nice—it was more about sending a message to the System: frank you and your damn taxes.

  I remembered to take my boots off this time but opted to sleep fully clothed. Back before getting abducted by aliens, I’d usually sleep naked. Unfortunately, I hadn’t unlocked the blueprint for a door yet, and poor Pepper had already seen more than enough of my undead ass.

  Also, I don’t know if it was the bed, the System, or being a zombie, but I was lights out the moment my head hit the pillow.

  Day 4

  I awoke the next day to an expected System message.

  [The Wage Hour has claimed: 110 gold. Total gold: 5,447.]

  It was the exact same as yesterday. Good.

  I sat up in bed and stretched my arms above my head. I thought I was having a stroke when one of my arms didn’t reach as high as the other. Then I remembered I hadn’t healed up from my last fight. My neck made a horrible grinding noise and clicked when I rolled it from side to side.

  I’d need to get all that sorted before even thinking about taking on another Instance. The potion of healing appeared in my hand as I pulled it from my inventory, wondering if it’d be enough to get me back to 90%.

  “Dick, you up?”

  He answered immediately. “Always.”

  “How much does a potion of healing actually heal for?”

  “25% of your max Vitality.”

  “That’s it?” The green liquid sloshed in the bottle as I rolled it in my hand. I was surprised. Eating a brain would heal me by 40%.

  “Potions are combat actions, and restoring a quarter of your Vitality instantaneously is pretty good.”

  I frowned and stowed the potion in my Lair Inventory.

  “Looks like I’ll be stopping by doc’s office again,” I muttered.

  I’d almost forgotten about my FrankUp coin. With a simple mental command, it transferred from my player inventory to the palm of my hand. I flicked it high into the air with my thumb, its spinning metallic ting heralding the System prompt.

  [Choose one attribute to increase.]

  [Strength]

  [Dexterity]

  [Toughness]

  [Perception]

  [Willpower]

  [Fortitude]

  My plans hadn’t changed, so I tapped on Dexterity.

  [Your Dexterity has increased to level 14.]

  The next System message gave me reason to smile.

  [New feat triggered. Chance reset to 5%.]

  Frank yeah! It was time to choose my next feat.

  Tuesday – Normal chapter post, plus the second bonus chapter 4 hours afterward.

  Wednesday – Third bonus chapter posted at the usual posting time.

  Thursday – Normal chapter post, plus the fourth bonus chapter 4 hours afterward.

  Friday – Fifth and final bonus chapter posted at the usual posting time.