Felix was so shocked that Eugene of all people chose to help him out that he didn’t even protest as Eugene led him out of earshot of the group.

  “Hey, I wanted to ask you something. Why don’t you come with me for a minute?”

  He had no idea how Eugene had gone from the bumbling guy who’d stumble over every word when talking to his crush to how he was acting now in only a few days.

  “Hey, don’t mind them. Irene’s a little jealous of Lara, so she’s taking it out on you, and Marvin just takes his jokes a little too far sometimes. They’re really not bad people once you get to know them.”

  Felix’s disbelief must have shown on his face because Eugene at least had the decency to look embarrassed. Neither of them wanted to push the matter further, so Felix allowed him to change the topic.

  “Uhm, so, I know you’re probably having a hard time with the Ways, I want to help, we’re all old friends from the same homeworld after all. Why don’t we get together and discuss it sometime? Maybe we can come up with something when we put our heads together.”

  For a moment, Felix just stared at him, not quite believing what he was hearing, but then he remembered those monstrous beasts he had to face. Not for the first time that week, he felt the utter hopelessness of his situation. Somehow, he doubted ‘When sad things happen’ would be the grand magical tome he needed it to be if he were going to clear his gate.

  Before his mind had a chance to catch up with his mouth, he’d already blurted it out. “Ok.”

  He was so surprised by his own acceptance that he missed whatever Eugene said next.

  ‘Did I really just say that? There’s no way Eugene could help, or would help.’

  It was only when he heard Lara’s name that he was dragged out of his shock.

  “–aven't seen her in a while. Why don’t we all get together for lunch and brainstorm some of the issues you’ve been having? I’m sure we can come up with something if we work on it together.”

  Felix wanted to decline. He absolutely hated the thought of saying yes. But the strange cocktail of Eugene's changed demeanour and the gnawing desperation that had been haunting him must have made him delirious. Because before he knew what he was doing, he’d invited Eugene to their regular lunch for the next day.

  ‘There’s no way he’s actually planning on helping. Why in the creator’s shell did I agree to that?’

  Still in a fugue state, Felix completely forgot about dinner as he said goodbye to Eugene and headed to his room.

  It wasn’t until the next morning that what he’d done fully set in. He just wasn’t able to grasp what past Felix was thinking to invite Eugene of all people to lunch.

  ‘Ugh, this place is definitely filled with lumirels, that's the only explanation, one must have made a nest in my hair because I was definitely pecked in the head yesterday.’

  Dragging his feet down stairs, he plopped down on a seat in front of Agrona. As she always did so early in the morning, she sat at the counter, reading another bizarre cookbook. He’d asked to see it once or twice, but she rarely read one written in common, and while she claimed they were all cookbooks, some were definitely suspect.

  The one she was reading this morning had a rather substantial part of the top right corner melted off by some acid, and he was pretty sure the stains on some of the pages were dried blood. On any other morning, it’d definitely have sparked a conversation, but today he was too busy contemplating the madness that possessed him the previous day.

  “Good morning, child, what has you draped over my counter like an expired galigan forest ray?”

  Not wanting to get dragged into another conversation on some obscure ingredient that she could have made up for all he knew, Felix grunted out a good morning and mumbled something so incomprehensible it didn’t even make sense to him.

  “Oh dear, that bad, huh? I’d have thought you hung over if not for the fact that you’re a few centuries too young to sneak a bottle out from under my nose. C’mon, tell me what’s got you in such a pickle this morning?”

  Putting down her suspicious book, she started making him a cup of tea. Breakfast had become the highlight of his day by now, and half the reason was the tea. He never thought such a simple drink could have so many flavours and sensations. Agrona had taken it upon herself to show him just how amazing the world of tea could be during their morning chats.

  “I’m an idiot, that’s what.”

  Placing down the cup of tea in front of him, Agrona took the seat opposite him.

  “None of that, young man, take a sip and give me the real answer.”

  Unauthorized usage: this narrative is on Amazon without the author's consent. Report any sightings.

  He took a sip and allowed the tea to refresh his mind. Today's tea tasted like freshly plucked flowers from a meadow where young love once blossomed into a treasured memory. He’d probably never get used to the odd and highly specific things the flavours of tea reminded him of. In fact, he hoped he never would.

  The tea lent Felix’s mind the calm he needed to untangle his thoughts. He wanted to give Agrona a proper answer, but as he tried to open his mouth and tell her how silly he’d been, he found himself at a loss.

  He’d need to explain his relationship with Eugene, with Lara, his problems trying to pass the first gate, his promise to Lara that he’d pass the Ways in six months, his worry that he was holding her back, and his disgust at how he’d abandoned her. There were so many things weighing on him that he felt like he was being crushed.

  The weight made it hard to breathe, and in his near panic, he found the cup at his lips again and took a sip that kept him from the verge of panic. He kept trying to find the words to explain what he was dealing with to no avail. If not for the tea keeping him grounded, he’d probably have broken down a few times over.

  Eventually, after he was halfway through his third cup, he managed to raise his head and look at Agrona, his eyes conveying all the feelings, all the troubles his words weren’t able to. When he found a way to answer, he had to tell her in a whisper. As softly as he could, it felt as if he said it out loud, the world would hear his deepest fear and make it a reality.

  “I– I don’t think I can be a Traveller.”

  Agrona’s expression softened, she gently patted his hand, and turned her gaze towards the Ways through the glass wall.

  “Do you know what a Traveller is, child?”

  Felix was ready to answer with the obvious, people who use mana, but he knew that it wasn’t the answer she was looking for. Still, after a while of thinking, he couldn’t come up with a better answer. So he just shook his head.

  Agrona gave him a look of approval.

  “A wise man knows when he is ignorant. Keep that humility, it will serve you well.”

  “In truth, there’s some debate on the topic. Take the guardian, for instance. If tomorrow she decided she was happy with how far she’d come and gave up her journey, would she still be a Traveller?

  “Most people you ask would say that of course she was, after all, she could still use mana, couldn’t she? If you asked the guardian, however, she would probably disagree.

  “To many Travellers, once you stop, you’re no longer one of them. You are only a Traveller as long as you’re moving forward. It’s ok to be stuck, it’s ok to stumble or fail. What matters is that you keep trying.

  “The Alliance has rules for who they call Travellers. The restriction isn’t born from a genuine belief that those are the only people who are true Travellers. If they had enough resources to support everyone, they’d probably call anyone who was still committed to their journey a Traveller.

  “Unfortunately, they can’t do that, so they tried making a system that works for the greatest number of people. That means some people, those with a more difficult start, sometimes fall through the cracks, even if they have just as much potential to go far on their paths.

  “The Ways limits guides on the help we’re allowed to provide. I can’t give you the answers you’re looking for, I can’t tell you how to move forward. If I did, I’d be crippling your potential. All I can tell you is that the answers are out there. If you still want to be a Traveller, you just have to keep trying. If you want to stop, that’s ok too.

  “I won’t tell you it’s going to be easy. In fact, your start is pretty much as difficult as it gets. If you overcome it, I know you’ll go far, but if you choose to stop, that’s ok too. Not everyone can be a Traveller. Few people can truly go the distance.”

  Felix could hear the loneliness in her voice at the last sentence. Patting his hand one more time, she stood up.

  “I’ll go make your breakfast. You don’t need to be in a hurry to decide what you want to do. Your journey will last a lifetime. You don’t need to start with a sprint. Take your time and plot your course."

  Felix was so caught up in his thoughts that the rest of breakfast passed in silence. Even after he left the dorms, he didn’t rush straight to the library. Instead, he took his time wandering the Crossroads while it was still quiet. He even spent some time wandering the garden, after being holed up in the library for so long, he’d forgotten how much he liked being there.

  He might not have spent much time there, but he could still feel a difference. What once felt like a vague connection to the garden became something more. He could feel the life around him as he wandered the footpaths under the stationary moon.

  He reached out to the mana, trying to understand it more, but with no real idea of what he was doing, it didn’t accomplish much.

  “Sigh, if that spell wasn’t so useless, I might have known how to do it. Seriously, slightly better sleep? What was Alvara thinking?”

  Felix felt the stagnant moon begin to shift from moon to sun. As it did, a slow trickle of life flowed into the Crossroads as bleary-eyed aspirants started waking up to take on another day.

  Felix pushed off from the tree he was leaning on and slowly started making his way back to the library.

  ‘The answer is out there, huh?’

  He didn’t want to admit it, but a little spark of hope had taken shelter in his heart. As long as he kept trying, he was already a Traveller? It felt hollow, like she’d said it only to make him feel a little better, and yet it worked. It didn’t solve any of his issues. He still only had six months to pass the Ways, and even Agrona called his start one of the worst she’d seen.

  But just knowing that at least one person already saw him as a Traveller made it impossible to stop the corner of his mouth from twinging up in a little smile.

  Come lunch time, his smile was long forgotten. He’d gone through all his books one more time with his newfound optimism, only to be let down once more. After zealously studying them over and over, he’d basically memorised them. Flipping through one more time didn’t take very long.

  The only thing he had left to read was the children's book, and come lunchtime, he’d grown so frustrated that he was actually willing to read it. He might have done it already, but the book had become a talisman of sorts. If he read it and it didn’t help, he’d be truly out of ideas. As long as it sat on the shelf, he had somewhere left to look.

  Knowing that Eugene would be joining them for lunch, he’d put off reading it. Maybe they’d come up with something, then he could read it without being lost when it inevitably disappointed him.

  It gnawed at him, the thought that he was placing any hope in Eugene of all people. But with his only other option being ‘When sad things happen’, he didn’t have much of a choice.

  So it came to be that he sat in the dining hall, anxiously waiting for everyone to show up.

  Remember to rate and follow if you liked it! Your support helps the story grow. (?′?`?)