D:/PLEASE NO/

  EMERGENCY/ANTI_LICK.EXE

  CHAPTER 8

  A TACTICAL

  WITHDRAW

  [ SRC ]

  FLUIX CITY RELAY 9

  The air in Xu’s new-to-him dorm clung to his skin like a damp, unwelcome film.

  I don’t understand how we can have beautiful marble hallways, but my new room just feels like…

  Like it was built specifically to house someone you really, really don’t want staying any longer than absolutely necessary.

  Xu sighed.

  The next thirty minutes before his guests arrived were spent aggressively negotiating with his furniture.

  A single, flickering lightbulb cast long shadows over his very humble abode, making the water-stained, peeling wallpaper look like it was practically moving. And that was just the AC.

  “If you make a single sound,” Xu whispered, pointing a trembling finger at the closet door. Inside, the spear was currently bundled up in three layers of cheap blankets. “I will sell you to a Spec who uses you to… unclog industrial coolant pipes… Or unclog locals with a modded GI… or… something. Just… nod if you understand.”

  Neither the closet nor the spear nodded. But a faint, metallic grinding sound ceased.

  Good enough.

  Xu inspected the wall. It already had a hole rubbed into it, with flakes chipping at its edges.

  “If I have to pay for this, I really will sell you.”

  He turned his attention to the corner of the room. The Pit.

  The heavy iron lid was still securely lashed down—from the inside. Xu knelt and inspected it. It wasn't vibrating today, but it was straining. The sheets pulled taut, maintaining a deeply unsettling aura of suppressed, muffled rage—probably.

  Nothing to see here. I’m just a guy with a heavily restrained vase in his room. Looks completely normal.

  FLASH.

  Okay, so it looks like I stuffed an animal in there. What do you want from me, universe? My life literally couldn’t have gone any better even if I tried —

  FLASH.

  Xu gasped.

  EXCUSE ME!?

  A sharp, authoritative knock rattled the thin wood of his door. Three perfectly spaced raps.

  Taylor.

  Hmmm.

  Xu checked twice to make sure his sweats were unquestionably covering his bottom-left most eye, then pulled the door open.

  His eyes drifted to the floor.

  Could I have done better?

  Taylor stepped inside without waiting for an invitation. The cold night air charged in after her. She was out of her training robes, wearing a dark, techwear-styled jacket that made her look less like a cultivator and more like an assassin on her day off.

  I will never understand how that could be classified as comfort clothing.

  Lee trailed in behind her, overdressed in a fashionable black and yellow cyber jacket and cream sleek slacks. He paused at the threshold and looked down at his new, pristine white shoes hovering over the scuffed floorboards.

  He seemed to be deciding if he could afford to purchase replacements.

  “Uh—cozy,” Lee said, finally entering.

  He ran a finger over the edge of Xu's desk, examined the thick layer of grime on his fingertip, and wiped it meticulously on a silk handkerchief he materialized from somewhere.

  “I see you’ve fully embraced the minimalist lifestyle. And by minimalist, I mean ‘condemned by the health board.’ I’m not sure what’s more impressive: that you let it get this bad—” he paused, looking across the room.

  “—or… did I just see a piece of bread drag itself into your closet?”

  “Lee, I literally moved in yesterday.”

  “Remind me not to share a space with you,” Lee smirked.

  This is my life.

  “It… builds character,” Xu said, closing the door and leaning his weight against it to ensure the lock caught.

  “Even cultures, one might say,” Lee added, looking at the single, aggressively stained chair in the room.

  He decided to remain standing.

  “It’s a wonder the floorboards haven't dissolved.”

  “Oh, hey, you finally got new sheets.” Taylor chimed.

  She walked straight to the center of the room, stopped, and slowly turned her head toward the corner. Toward the Pit.

  “Yeah, they left these new ones on my bed after they moved my stuff over. It’s really nice to have them, but I can’t help but feel like they did it out of pity.” Xu replied.

  She stared at the vase. She stared at the white satin binding the lid.

  Xu's heart turned in his chest.

  “Did the exterminator come?” Her voice was an absolute dead calm. “For the ‘termites?’ So they wouldn't accidentally get dragged along?”

  “Honestly… I was the closest thing here to an exterminator… and I couldn’t afford them… even if I… did want… them…?”

  Holy shit, that worked.

  Taylor slowly switched her gaze from the vase back to him.

  “So Cai…” she said abruptly.

  Xu let out a breath.

  “What? That he’s an asshole?”

  “He is an asshole, that’s not up for debate, but he’s an asshole who moves at the speed of a Resonance Realm cultivator,” Taylor replied, her tone sharpening. “And you read him like a book, Xu. You slipped into his guard, practically moved like an instructor, and landed a clean strike to his sternum.”

  “Don't forget the face,” Lee chimed in. “The face was the most important part. But… she’s right. What you did today shouldn't be biologically possible for someone at your stage, but this isn’t news. We all know this shouldn't be happening.”

  “Xu,” Taylor stepped closer, invading his personal space.

  “You are a fourth-stage Zero. Yesterday, I wouldn't have been shocked to hear that you died buying groceries. Today, your reaction time was good enough to counter-strike an Inner Sect prodigy? Explain.”

  “I’ve been… handling seemingly impossible situations… that have resulted… in me getting stronger…?” Xu offered, his voice pitching up slightly.

  Hell yeah.

  Xu straightened somewhat. “Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. Have you no faith? It’s not like I’m a liability—”

  FLASH.Motherf—

  ME!?

  “Maybe sometimes I make things worse. Look, I don't know. Maybe it's the eye… eye… don't know?” Xu carefully stammered, rubbing his chest to mask the burn.

  Close. Way, way too close.

  Lee raised a lone eyebrow. “Do you have heartburn, or are you just extra dumb tonight?”

  “I just have… felt better.” Xu conveniently left out the part where his calf was trying to stare through the cloth at Taylor’s shins.

  Xu casually pushed his sweats down further with his other leg.

  “Fine, whatever,” Taylor said. The intensity in her eyes didn't fade.

  “But regardless, even if you have a new trick, cool. It doesn't solve a math problem. Fourth stage to the eighth. In seven days.”

  Xu exhaled, his shoulders slumping. “Saying it more often isn't going to fix it faster, guys.”

  Lee sighed. He suddenly looked very tired. “She’s right. It’s impossible. Cultivation is a brutal economic reality, Xu. To jump four minor stages in a week, you would need to clean your body deeply enough that the amount of Qi you’d need would probably physically kill you.”

  Lee paused, crouching and grabbing 2 bottles of water out of the fridge.

  “Even if we did have that—Which we DON'T. You’d need a high-tier gathering array, a spirit-spring, and a body constitution of steel. THEN you would have done all of that, just to HOPE that you can find someone crazy enough to do it for you—because you can’t even USE qi.” He finished, throwing Taylor the other bottle.

  “I have a dented drawer and a questionable rug,” Xu said.

  “Exactly my point. And if you don't hit the eighth stage, you fail the filter. Do you understand what that means, Xu?”

  “They don't just hold you back a year. You get tossed. Back to the CyberSEC slums kind of tossed. Back to fighting over scraps in alleys that smell exactly like… well, actually they smell like your room.”

  “Dude,” Xu replied flatly.

  “Look—weird that it lined up—but the point is—you’ll have lost your home. You’ll have lost your future. And we’ll have lost our friend OR our futures.”

  “I’m aware,” Xu said quietly.

  “Are you?” Taylor snapped.

  “Because I am not going back there. I’m not becoming another discarded piece of entertainment for some Spec gang. We have seven days.”

  “Why would any of this even affect you? I’m the only one who wouldn’t pass.”

  Lee and Taylor stared at Xu intensely.

  The silence that followed was heavy.

  “You know the answer to that,” Taylor said softly.

  Lee took a sip of water.

  Xu sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I love you guys, but seriously, we were kids. Kids promise crazy stuff all of the time. Life’s just not really like we thought it was, and I wouldn’t want you guys to—”

  “Are you trying to kill the vibe?” Lee interrupted casually.

  Xu wryly smiled and reached into his pocket. His fingers brushed against the smooth, strangely warm surface of the Golden Pill Cai had given him. He pulled it out.

  “I have this,” Xu said.

  Lee’s eyes widened slightly. He pushed himself off the wall, leaning in closer, the low light reflecting off his eyes. “The Priming Pill? You know, Cai wasn't joking. That’s pure, condensed essence. It’s designed to push a ninth-stage cultivator across their Priming into the Resonance Realm without anyone else helping you. Huge deal. Super useful. To… everyone in this room, actually—except you.”

  Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

  “Why can’t I eat it?” Xu asked.

  “Boom. Ninth stage.”

  Taylor and Lee shared a glance.

  “So you eat it,” Taylor said flatly, her voice entirely devoid of humor, “and Lee and I will get to appreciate your last work. A musty room, with walls painted with your own internal organs. How exciting.”

  “Ew,” Xu said, genuinely disgusted.

  “She’s not wrong,” Lee agreed, taking a step back as if the pill itself might detonate. “Your body is a teacup, Xu. That pill is a skyscraper. You can’t handle that much energy.”

  Xu stared at the pill in his palm. It felt incredibly warm, almost hot.

  Actually, it was hot.

  And it wasn't just the pill. His leg was twitching.

  “Xu,” Taylor said, her voice dropping dangerously low. “If you eat that pill, you will die. And if you die, I will personally resurrect you just to kill you myself for leaving us short-handed.”

  “Then what do we do?” Lee asked, crossing his arms, his face betrayed a masked, genuine panic.

  Xu looked at the Golden Pill. Then he looked at the closet, where the sentient spear was muzzled. Then he looked at the Pit, currently held shut by self-exile. Then, he felt the demonic eye blinking rapidly against the fabric of his sweats.

  Maybe I don't need to fit a skyscraper in a teacup. Maybe… I could feed it to the furniture.

  “I have an idea,” Xu said slowly, his eyes drifting back toward the vibrating closet.

  “Is it a good idea, or is it one of your ideas?” Lee asked warily.

  “You’ll probably think it’s a terrible idea,” Xu admitted, a slightly unhinged smile touching the corners of his mouth.

  “But technically speaking… It’s highly economical. Just—give me a minute. Don't touch anything. Seriously. It’s not worth it.”

  Xu turned and slipped into the cramped room he generously called a bathroom. He shut the door behind him, leaning his weight against the rotting wood of the counter, and exhaled a breath.

  He hiked up his pant leg.

  The demonic eye embedded in his calf was frantic. The pupil was dilated so wide it swallowed the iris, darting wildly toward the door. It was slightly more defined than the day prior.

  “Quiet,” Xu hissed, slapping his own leg. He felt like someone had jammed a finger in his eye… on his leg?

  You’re kidding.

  The eye blinked at him, completely unimpressed, and resumed its frantic twitching.

  A shiver crept up his spine.

  Xu turned on the faucet. Water sputtered out, it looked like rust-laced glass. His faucet continued coughing until it was completely clear—enough… to not think about.

  He splashed it over his face.

  Fourth to eighth.

  Am I doing this?

  He stared at his dripping reflection in the cracked mirror. The guy looking back had black hair and dark circles under his eyes that suggested a severe case of “haunted by his bedroom”. His sweats were torn. His shirt had a hole in the armpit that he was pretty sure hadn't been there this morning.

  Is this really… all that I…

  …

  I’m going to die, and my furniture is going to inherit my debt.

  He dried his face on a towel he desperately hoped was clean, took a deep breath, and opened the door.

  He was immediately blinded for the second time that day.

  The gloomy, depressive atmosphere of his dorm room had been entirely eradicated. The space had ascended into a blinding, purple flood of color. It was so pure, and so piercing, that it made even the water damage on the ceiling look like—well—purple water damage.

  Xu blinked the spots in his vision away.

  Lee was standing near the desk. He was holding a translucent, twisting purple crystal. A black box sat next to him, wide open.

  “What part of don’t touch anything wasn’t clear?” Xu said, his voice tight.

  Taylor was standing a few feet away, her arm raised to shield her eyes. She looked mesmerized, the purple light reflected off her irises.

  “What is that? It’s not crystalline mana. The structure is all wrong. It feels… heavy. Is this like an LED thing?”

  “I don’t know what it is,” Lee murmured. He touched his jaw with his free hand. “But… my face. It stopped hurting. The bruise from earlier—it’s mostly gone.”

  Taylor stepped forward, and its hypnotic glow seemed to pull her in. She reached out and plucked the crystal right out of Lee’s hand.

  “It’s warm,” Taylor whispered, turning it over in her palm. “It’s… is it… vibrating?”

  “Don’t get any ideas,” Lee stated unapologetically.

  His bruise had renewed its subscription.

  “Whoa…” Xu said, stepping between them and leaning in close. “Do you guys see that…?”

  Everyone leaned even closer, squinting into the blinding core of the gem.

  “It looks almost like—”

  …

  “It isn’t yours.” Xu finished deadpan, snatching the crystal right out of her hand and shoving it deep into his pocket.

  “Really, man?” Lee started, exasperated.

  The moment Xu's fingers closed around its smooth surface, a wave of conflicting temperature shot up his arm. He felt thawing fire bypass his meridians entirely, sinking straight into his ribcage.

  The sharp, stabbing pain from where he had been kicked suddenly cramped and let out a sickening pop.

  Xu gasped, stumbling back. The pain lessened immediately, and in its place, a maddening, bone-deep itch erupted beneath his skin. He could actually feel the calcium knitting itself back together in real-time, the damaged tissue rapidly sewing itself shut like an accelerated time-lapse.

  This is insane, and I feel like ants are crawling through me.

  Lee took a slow step back, putting some distance between himself and Xu. His eyes flicked from the purple crystal to the closet, and then to the heavily restrained vase in the corner.

  “Put that thing away,” Lee said, “Or better yet, throw it out the window.”

  “But the crystal people would worship this rock,” Xu argued, while scratching furiously at his ribs.

  “It’s not just a rock,” Lee deadpanned. “Nothing you own is "just” an anything. You found a snake that tried to eat my shoes. Your spear, which happens to be said snake, actively tries to bite people. No circumstance on Earth justifies you, of all people, holding a strange glowing crystal even remotely close to civilization. Let alone—my shoes.”

  “It did not try to eat your shoes,” Xu insisted.

  “OH!? YEAH? I’M TELLING YOU—HE DOES. LOOK!” Lee dramatically gestured toward the closet.

  The tip of the spear was barely visible in the dark crack of the door. As if sensing Lee’s accusation, the closet slowly, and mostly quietly, swung itself the rest of the way shut.

  Click.

  Taylor frowned, pulling her gaze away from Xu to look at Lee.

  “What are you talking about? And what the hell was that?” Taylor asked, her voice dropping an octave colder. Her eyes stayed glued to the closet.

  Before Lee could answer, a moist, leathery creak echoed between them.

  It didn't come from the spear in the closet. It didn't come from the Pit in the corner.

  It came from Taylor.

  Taylor froze. She slowly straightened like she was walking in wet clothes.

  Her lips pursed.

  “Xu…”

  Please don’t be something weird.

  The room quieted.

  A slurping sound echoed in the room. Wet. Fleshy. And painfully unmistakable.

  Taylor calmly took off her jacket and deliberately turned it inside out. A massive, thin, but glistening tongue had popped out of the middle of its lining and currently hung there like a wet, pink blanket.

  “Xu…” Taylor repeated.

  “No…?” Xu whispered, drawing out its vowel.

  As he watched in paralyzed horror, the metal buckles at the ends of the jacket’s arms unclasped themselves with a sharp snick.

  CLANG.

  They dropped onto the floor, gnashing together.

  Clack. Clack. Clack.

  They began dragging the rest of the jacket forward, actively gunning for Lee’s shoes.

  “WHY!? NOT YOU TOO!?” Lee yelled, slapping a buckle across the room with a broom that used to sit against the wall.

  The cap of Lee’s water bottle stood up, and walked away.

  Lee frowned, slowly set down his drink, then slid it away with a finger.

  Taylor went entirely still.

  “Xu,” Taylor said. Her voice was thin, but it vibrated with the promise of imminent and spectacular violence.

  “Why is my back wet?”

  Xu swallowed hard. The purple light washed over his terrified face. The itch in his ribs suddenly felt a lot less important than his rapidly decreasing life expectancy.

  “Look,” Xu offered weakly, slowly backing away from the snapping metal buckles. “I’m not saying you’re a bad owner, but…”

  …

  “When’s the last time you fed your Jac—?”

  Xu’s face mysteriously sported a new bruise.

  “Hey man… so…” Lee said, perfectly calm, already opening the dorm room door to step backward out into the hallway. “We’re going to leave now. Please don’t follow us, or I will make you unrecognizable. We’re never meeting in your room again—in fact, I'm never even stepping foot in here again.”

  “But we just started matching.”

  Xu was left standing alone.

  And—Taylor had forgotten her jacket.

  Click.

  The closet door slightly creaked open.

  “WHAT DID I TELL YOU!?”

  Click.

  Item Observation Log

  Purple Crystal

  Primary Application:

  Will instantly knit your shattered calcium back together.

  Observed Anomalies:

  Grants sentience to plastic water bottle caps and jackets. This converts them into carnivorous monsters that aspire to dine on expensive shoes.

  Verdict?

  Still cheaper and more efficient than the modern healthcare system.

  My life poses no threat to your healthcare system.

  My lips are sealed, and the crystal isn't real.

  [ PENDING_INQUIRY ]

  That said. We're still looking into why they're after his shoes.