[Inside, Find]

  McCracken Why Are You Here?

  Waking up in a magical tower possessing power that modern science hasn’t even dreamed of. Rooms that furnish themselves on command, talking mirrors claiming to be 2500 years old, that distribute first edition masterpieces. I told myself, I just wanted to see that she was safe for myself. I couldn’t understand how anyone would want to live somewhere where you had to use an outdoor privy when they could live with the comfort of flush toilets. Speaking of the bathroom there is a beautiful tub but no faucet or drain, so I assume you must have to use buckets to fill and empty the tub.

  I’ll ask Lu, she is much more approachable than Rose. Rose is one scary young woman. All smiles and laughter with her friends but that question and remark. ‘I wouldn’t want to turn you into a frog.’ I have a feeling that is not an idle threat, that odds are she’s done it before.

  I head into the library, looking at the titles on the shelves. Most I’ve never heard of before but they have plenty of recent Earth releases, mostly romance she seems to be a big fan of Kate Archer, three series over twenty books by the author are in a prominent easy to reach shelf with Jane Austen. I pull one of the Archer books off to see what it’s about.

  “McCracken, I'd never have pegged you as a romantic comedy fan.”

  I almost had a heart attack.

  “God Doug you startled me.”

  “Well this is my room, excuse me, Daisy and my room.”

  “Sorry Doug I didn’t mean to snoop, just Rose is a fascinating person and you can learn a lot about a person by what they read.”

  “That’s true, what do you read?”

  “Well I like mysteries, especially cozy mysteries Nancy Springer’s Enola Holmes Mysteries, Leigh Perry’s Family Skeleton Mysteries, but my favorite at the moment is Alan Bradley’s Flavia de Luce series.”

  “Good picks, so your not a Silence of the Lambs mystery lover?”

  “It was excellent but not something I’d ever reread. I like stuff that’s lighter has more of a puzzle aspect. “Thursday Murder Club” is quite good. I think the author is Osman but don't quote me.”

  “Richard Osman, author of two series and a game show presenter.”

  “Yes that’s right I forgot he was on TV, multi talented guy. Doug, do you know where they keep the buckets for the tub?”

  “HaHAHAHa, you’re joking right?”

  “No, I could use a bath and a cold one may not be appealing but it is necessary.”

  “So Rose didn’t show you how to operate the bathroom.”

  “Operate? What do you mean?”

  “Well what did you do when you used the privy?”

  “I haven’t used it yet, but now that you mention it, I gotta go talk later.”

  “Just say ‘flush’ when you're done.”

  “Are you joking?”

  “I am not. Fill tub steaming, empty tub. What did you do to piss off Rose?”

  “Ah, nothing but her last question to me last night was “You’re not here to screw up Paula’s happiness are you?” so I think that she suspects I might.”

  “Yeah that would do, she’s just a weak young girl but she charged into a kidnappers dungeon with Paula and Lu to rescue a little girl. They had to fight their way out, Daisy was with them and she has poltergeist powers so they took out the kidnappers pretty easily. But Rose didn’t know that when she went charging in. Her only thought was for the little girl.”

  “Last night after she made that remark about Paula’s happiness, she said she wouldn’t want to turn me into a frog but a threat was implied.”

  “Rose is like a mama bear with her friends or kids. You met Salome at the bakery, two very bad men made her life a misery, until Rose found out. She turned one of them into a weasel and the other into a toad. The weasel, Rose, turned him back and the guard sent him to prison, but the other one, the toad is now a toad for life. She warned him first and said if you tell one more lie, you’re a toad for life, even I won’t be able to change you back. He answered the guards first couple of questions then the third or fourth question was so shameful. He lied. Rose said now he looks like the toad he’s always been.”

  “I want the best for Paula, I swear it.”

  “Don’t sweat it McCracken, she isn’t the wicked witch from the west, you wanna see her blush, ask her about the first time she met me in the bathroom. I was hilarious. Yes Daisy, I’m sorry what I mean to say is that it was mean to treat Rose in that way. Please forgive me.”

  I went in and took a bath, steaming hot water instantly, cleaned and dry tub instantly. Wow, science doesn’t hold a candle to magic. When I walked out into the hallway I saw a little girl with rainbow colored hair creeping down the hall.

  “Hello, little girl.”

  “Eeep, who are you?”

  “I’m Nathan McCracken, a friend a Rose’s and Lu’s, I stayed her last night. You can call me Nat, that’s what my nieces and nephews call me. What’s your name? And why are you creeping down the hallway?”

  “My name's Opal and I’m creeping because I don’t want anyone to know that I’m out of bed. But I need a copy of the script if I’m going to learn my lines.”

  “Oh, so you’re an actress?”

  “I hope to be.”

  “What is the play you need the script for?”

  “Christmas Carol, I want to play Tiny Timothea”

  “You get back in bed and I’ll get you a copy of the script and I’ll even practice with you for a little while if you’d like that, because that’s what I do for a living. I am an actor.”

  I went into the annex and Doug gave a copy of the play, then I went into Opal’s bedroom. Where good to her word she was tucked into bed. Then we ran lines she played Tim, I mostly played Bob because most of Tim’s lines are with Bob. Then when she got tired I started doing all the other parts in different voices. Then she asked for the Hobbit, so I did Bilbo in Martin Freeman voice and Gandalf as Ian McKellen. She didn’t say anything about the Bilbo voice but when I started talking like Ian McKellen, she clapped and said you sound just like Gandallf did in the movie. You should be in the play too. Maybe Rose will let you play Scrooge. She fell asleep, so I thought I should go out and have a look around.

  I went out to the balcony overlooking a forest, apparently the builder had stolen the bigger on the inside concept from Earth TV. I went down two flights of stairs and out the door and headed toward the gate where a line had formed for entry so I got into the queue. But then I noticed one of the guards waving wildly in my direction. I pointed at my chest and he nodded.

  “You sir are from the tower, you passed by last night with Lu right?”

  “Yes, that was us, I'm Nathan McCracken.”

  “Tower folk don’t wait sir. If you’re good enough for Mistress Rose, you’re good enough for the town. Give Mistress Rose my compliments sir.”

  That was that, Rose’s name pulled some weight in this town, might as well head to the bakery for a little lunch and suggestions for sight seeing. The bakery was crowded when I arrived so I took the opportunity to look around. They had everything you could get at an Earth bakery then some strange named things as well. I noticed most of the people weren’t paying a cent for their purchases, they must have some kind of credit system. But now I was interested, they never wrote any purchases down, they took money from people but only the ones who were richly dressed. One guy they charged double what they’d charged for the exact same item. I noticed that because he began by complaining about all the unwashed clientele waited on before him.

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  Then it was my turn. Salome beamed like she’d beat out the other two women.

  “McCracken, what can I get for you, it’s the anniversary of our opening so it’s all on the house.”

  “Well how about a slice of pizza and an explanation.”

  “Coming right up. Here you go piping hot, careful of the cheese. Which magical bake did you want an explanation for?”

  “First, how can you make any money when you apparently only charge a very small percentage of your customers any money at all, yet one customer got charged double.”

  “We charge double if the customer is rude to other customers or staff, it’s a premium for being rude. We charge the well off clients a very fair price and we have the best bakes in the town, maybe in all of Emain Ablach. The poorer customers don’t have to pay. We don’t pay for the ingredients, it’d be wrong to charge poorer people.”

  “How do you get away from not paying for ingredients, is it a government subsidy?”

  “I have no idea what a government subsidy is. We don’t pay for ingredients because they never run. If they never run out you never need to buy. Lily goes out every morning and gathers magical ingredients. They are the only ones that run out.”

  “So your bakery feeds all the poor people in town, I bet.”

  “Yes, probably a fair share of them.”

  “That must be exhausting, baking all this food.”

  “Oh no the shop bakes all the non magical stuff on its own, we can still do it if we want to practice. We just bring it out from the kitchen and wait on the customers. Since Lu’s song about us we got kinda famous that’s probably why it was so busy today.”

  “Lu wrote a song about your bakery?”

  “Yeah” and she whispered, “and Rose helped, so the song is many times more powerful then it’s supposed to be. It almost compels people to shop here.”

  “Well they have no right to complain, when you’re giving away your food for free.”

  “That’s exactly what Rose said.”

  “What’s your favorite place in town?”

  “Oh that’s easy, Rose’s tower.”

  “I meant for a tourist to visit, I’m already staying at Roses.”

  “Oh I get it, probably Simon’s Scents, or the Library, or if you’re into weapons Bill’s Weapons, he’s one of the most famous weaponsmiths in the country.”

  “How do I get to Simon Scents?”

  “That’s easy you follow me.”

  “Aren’t you meant to be working?”

  “Hey Junior apprentice, I’m taking McCracken to Simon’s Scents.”

  “OK Senior Apprentice, see you later.”

  Salome led us through a maze of streets and alleys until we are standing in front of a small shop Simon’s Scents. We went in and I expected to be overwhelmed by scents like walking through Macy’s perfume department. But there was no odor at all.

  “I don’t smell anything Salome.”

  “That’s Simon’s best seller “No Odor at All” every house needs a bottle of this, except for Rose of course who just magics the smells away.”

  I must have looked mystified because she added.

  “It’s for the privy, it completely neutralizes odors.”

  “Try this one McCracken.”

  “Ugh, what is that?”

  “Baby vomit.”

  “Salome, why would anyone buy baby vomit?”

  “Couples buy it to be sure they want another child. Here's the flip side: men buy this to convince their wives to have another child. Smell it.”

  “It smells nice, but how does this convince a woman she wants another child?”

  “It’s what a baby’s head smells like. Lily said that smell somehow affects women, to desire having another baby. She claims it’s addictive. Here, smell this but don’t read the label.”

  “Ok but it better not be some stench. Oh that smells great, it's bacon and coffee and fried eggs and fried onions and beans. How do they possibly get all those smells in one bottle without them all mixing together and smelling awful.”

  “I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s magic, more a craft. This one says bubble gum, it smells really nice but I don’t know what that is. Try it.”

  “Yep, that's bubble gum all right. It’s a pink food stuff, you chew it but don’t swallow it. You can make pink bubbles come out of your mouth. When I come back, I’ll bring you some, or I’ll give it to Talbert to give to you. Well finally my world has something you don’t have”

  “You wanted to see the library right, we should go now. They usually close in a couple hours.”

  “Yeah, did you smell everything you wanted?”

  “I did, after four or five, my nose gets worn out.”

  “Do you want me to buy you one? As payment for being my tour guide.”

  “No thanks, the bakery has all the smell I need at home and we have plenty of “No Odor at All” for the privy.”

  “Well if you’re sure let’s go see the stage at the library, maybe I can help block out the scenes for the play. I have to pay back Rose and Lu’s kindness somehow.”

  “The quickest way is this alley over here.”

  “Just don’t lose me Salome, I’d never be able to find my way back.”

  “Yes you would, every few blocks you come to a square, once you enter the square look around and find the tower.”

  “That’s really smart, Salome.”

  “Thanks, that’s how I taught Paula and now she gets around like a native.”

  A few more twists and turns and we were at the library.

  Eldara had a bunch of young kids following her through the library, like she was the mother duck and they were her ducklings. Salome took me to the stage area, the stage itself was only about six inches tall, it was round, and about twenty feet across and would work well for two to three actors, anything else and the actors would be bumping into each other. It reminded me of the summer I was in summer stock my freshmen year of college. The actors entering carried in that scene’s props, those leaving the stage carried off the props and scenery that was no longer needed. Now we needed a room off stage to keep the actors, scenery and props. It didn’t need walls, sheets would do, just a small private area would be required. I knew exactly how to direct this play. Our touring company was on summer holiday so I had the time. All I had to do was convince Rose.

  “When is Samhain, Salome?

  “Nine days from now, we’ll need to start on the costumes very soon if we’re to have any chance of getting them done. But tomorrow night is book club, so hopefully we'll have all the club members cast. You should come to book club, it's fun.”

  “Let’s say hello to Eldara, and then head back to the tower, Salome.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  Eldara still had her flock with her so we just said our goodbyes and hurried back to the tower.

  ***

  Salome yelled out. “Hello anyone home?”

  “We’re in here honey.”

  That’s when Salome and McCracken arrived.

  “Hi Salome, hello McCracken.”

  “Hello Rose, hear me out before you say no OK?”

  “Sure McCracken shoot.”

  “Salome was nice enough to be my tour guide and she took me to the library. The stage is small, but when I was in college I spent a summer in summer stock, which is mainly plays for old people. The point is we have a slightly smaller stage but I know just how to stage this play, from blocking the actors to moving the props and scenery as needed. The real point is I want to direct your play if you’ll let me, say that you’ll let me.”

  “I say sure, I don’t know if anyone else even knows how to do half that stuff you just said so OK by me, just say the same thing at book club and I’m sure everyone will agree.”

  “Thank you, you don’t know what this means to me.”