Cascadia rode perched behind the seats while Parson and I sat in front. We made a quick stop by the neighborhood boss so Parson could get the neighborhood map and then headed directly to the borough boss. I was starting to get a little nervous but Cascadia and Parson seemed to be completely relaxed. It’s true that we had all progressed quickly, Cascadia and I were more powerful than some crawlers were halfway through the second floor, but they had no way of knowing how dangerous borough bosses were, especially on the first two floors. I tried to match their confidence and I focused my thoughts on how powerful we had become. The two neighborhood bosses had been almost trivial.

  We arrived at the zoo exhibit in the enormous intersection. I stowed the speeder and we examined the supposed boss lair. It was a large, flat, grassy expanse with an animal shelter and scattered boulders. There was a transparent plastic barrier around the entire enclosure.

  Since we had no idea what this battle was going to look like, we hadn’t been able to prepare any specific strategy. We made sure we all had healtech injectors ready and our personal nanite healing boost abilities in our hotlists. Parson said he had also figured out how to modify some of his healtech injectors into “Stimjets” that would grant a temporary, percent based enhancement to physical stats but dealt a small amount of damage to the user and decreased effectiveness of healing while the buff was active.

  There wasn’t anything else we could do to prep so we approached a small employee door on the side of the enclosure. There were eighteen hours left until the season premiere. We looked at each other for final confirmation.

  “So do we do the dance? Like you do before team events? I know you prefer the individual circuit but you must still like the dance. Everyone likes the dance.”

  Cascadia eyed Parson V suspiciously.

  “How do you know about me?”

  “You’re on the national team. It’s not exactly top-secret information.”

  “I’m a reserve, basically on the practice squad. Not exactly a household name. And you don’t strike me as the sports fanatic type. You some sort of creep or something?”

  “Well, I was actually a pretty big fan of the Butcher of the Undercity. Terrible name, but you were free money for a long time, till the oddsmakers got wise. Anyway, when I started watching footage to design product for some of your teammates, I recognized you. Never imagined that we would be working together on an interstellar survivor show though.”

  “My teammates were taking boosters?! Which ones? It was Magenta wasn’t it? I knew she was. Cheating hag.”

  “Magenta. And Stella. And Jordan. And Lyssa, but she wasn’t using boosters, she needed a hardener, a topical application. She wasn’t handling the rule adjustments to apparel thickness very well.”

  “Wait, that’s a thing?”

  “Oh yeah. I don’t think that one will even be prohibited if the regulations adjust for new emulsification techniques for topicals. The mass manufacturers just haven’t picked it up yet, so there hasn’t been any regulatory momentum.”

  Standing outside the boss chamber watching my sister discuss illegal, performance enhancing drug use with some space-marauder looking dude wearing a living spike cannon on his arm was a surreal experience for me. These moments, the slower ones, felt stranger than the actual fighting. I had tried to prepare for the fighting, for the loot, for the admins and the NPCs, and I felt ok doing all those things now that I had gotten past the initial jitters, the ones we had gotten to at least. This strange interaction made me feel like I was living in some bizarro world. Which was, I suppose, basically true. But I didn’t like it.

  “Ok guys, you can talk drugs later. We are almost halfway through the first day already; let’s just secure this achievement, and then you can reminisce or whatever it is you are doing.”

  “Wait, Gel. Parson is right. We should do the dance.”

  “I am not doing a dance.”

  “It’s not a dance Gel,” Cascadia said, “it’s the dance. A millennia old tradition designed to bind the mind, will, and rhythm of warriors together before battle. Through it we embrace the entwining of our essential essences to ensure a glorious victory. It’s not just a dance, it’s our ancestral legacy Gel. A legacy of which we are now among the few remaining representatives.”

  Cascadia: This rousing speech better make the show.

  Parson V: Hell yeah sister

  Gel: This is so dumb

  Cascadia held her arms out. I reluctantly grasped her elbow and Parson’s. I had the good fortune of being on his right side and he used his Spitter Worm’s tongue to hold onto my arm. I tried to follow along as we hopped from foot to foot; right, right, left, right, right, left, right, right, left, going lower each time. Parson followed along with Cascadia's primal call and response vocalizations. I did not. The ritual ended with us breaking grip, executing a complicated spin that I missed, and finishing in a kneeling, closed-fist salute towards our shared center point. We stood, Cascadia and Parson laughing. I felt like an idiot, but I reluctantly acknowledged to myself that I did feel more connected.

  We shared one last nod and Cascadia opened the door. As soon as we entered, the door slammed shut and the music started. A trilling electro-flute overlaid ominous, building vocals as the boss lair transformed. The ground we were on rocketed backwards to the very edge of the intersection. The lair had expanded to completely fill the gigantic chamber. The animal structure in the center expanded, stretching nearly to the ceiling. Boulders multiplied, spreading around the enclosure as the music built. The top of the structure opened up as the music crescendoed, sustaining a wall-shaking chord as a gigantic machine gun platform raised up out of the structure.

  B-B-B-Boss Battle!!!

  You have discovered the lair of a Borough Boss!

  Put your most distal appendages together, viewers, for just the 4th attempt this season! Will they find gold and glory? Or will they find themselves in the next version of Premium Kitty Chow?!(Kitty Chow products do not contain actual crawler flesh. Contact an official company outreach associate for complete nutritional information)

  The boss leaped out of the shelter up to the machine gun platform, lifted his head and roared, tentacle mane shaking. Cascadia raised her axe, pointing it at the boss. Parson and I just stood there stupidly as the world froze. The scanning sequence of the previous boss battles repeated, populating a virtual screen with our pictures and names.

  Versus!

  The Cephalomammal King!

  Level 15 Borough Boss!

  Unlike a standard male lion, which is only good for one thing, The Cephalommal King is good for two things! Operating fixed gun emplacements and spreading his extremely potent seed. There is no creature more fecund than The Cephalomammal King. It is said he can repopulate an entire pride in just 30 seconds. In actual fact, he can do better than that. The Scientists for Cephalopod Supremacy engineered The King as a mobile troop generator, capable of creating as many front line soldiers as necessary and providing them with ranged support. He will continually calibrate his pride size based on their success rate.

  As the Cephalopod Supremacy is not currently prosecuting an expansion campaign, The King is only concerned with protecting his territory. Territory on which you are currently interloping!

  If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

  “The naming convention on these mobs is not very consistent,” Parson complained as The King turned his enormous machine gun towards us and we ran for cover. Other than the mane of tentacles, the targeting lens he wore on one eye, and the oversized reproductive organs, the King looked basically like a pudgy lion. There must have been some differences because he was sitting upright, operating the double joystick gun controls with his paws, but the general form seemed mostly unchanged. Which should mean he would die just like a normal lion if we could get to him.

  Rock chips scattered down on us as machine gun fire peppered the boulder we had taken cover behind.

  “We need moving cover, or a smoke screen or something. We are way too far away,” Cascadia said.

  “Maybe we can use the speeder. The lair is big enough. It will get shredded but the re- Oh Fuck!” I cut off as a rubbery skinned feline pounced at me from the top of the boulder. This mob looked like a female lion but with rubbery, furless skin and a pair of tentacles sprouting from the chest. Their skin could, apparently, change color to match their surroundings which had the added effect of hiding them on the minimap. I raised my arms to protect my face as the lioness tackled me to the ground, a tooltip popping up.

  Cephalolioness

  Level 10 minion of The Cephalomammal King

  The cephalolioness makes up the core of the light infantry component of the Cephalopod Supremacy. They also do most of the work around the den, including the dispatching of terrified prey as they cower behind cover. With their chromatophore filled skin, you’ll never even see them coming.

  I activated my healing burst ability as the lion's claws ripped into my midsection. I had just enough reflexive control over my drone to start shooting the mob but the damage was pathetic. Parson shot a few yellow tinged spines into it before being pounced on from behind, but whatever was in the spines knocked my attacker out almost instantly. I scrambled out from under it and threw down my turret, which made quick work of Parsons mob. Cascadia had cleanly dispatched two lions herself and stepped over to finish off the unconscious mob next to me.

  Parson activated his heal ability and got to his feet. “This is quite different from the hallway battles. Wait, listen to that.”

  The machine gun fire had stopped. We cautiously peeked out from behind the boulder. The King had disappeared from sight, but he was still on the mini-map. Actually, on closer inspection, there were multiple dots on the mini-map, at least two. They had overlapped so much I hadn’t noticed them, something must have been in the shelter underneath the gun. I began to point this out when the sounds reached us.

  It was a rhythmic thwaping noise with some soft roaring undertones. It was remarkably obscene.

  “Ooohhh I get it, this is our chance to move!” Parson exclaimed. “Quick! But stay together!”

  I guess the dance was good for something because we smoothly took Parson’s cue and dashed towards another boulder, one slightly closer to The King. Right as we got there the King climbed back into the emplacement and started blasting again. We hunkered down and I noted a quick blip of six red dots on the mini-map before they disappeared.

  “Oh shit oh shit! Six mobs incoming!” I shouted, and deployed my turret in front of us. Prepared as we were, the lionesses were not too difficult to handle and we dispatched them with only minor injuries. Cascadia was at full health, Parson was only slightly damaged, and I was at about seventy percent health, waiting another minute for my cooldowns to reset, courtesy of my abysmal constitution.

  Moments after we killed the last lioness The King abandoned his machine gun. We dashed to another boulder. We eyed the next boulder, some fifty yards away, but we didn’t dare chance getting caught out. A few more seconds and the sensual roaring was replaced with the cracking of the machine gun. Eight dots flashed then disappeared on the mini-map.

  “The description was accurate,” Parson noted, “The King needs just under thirty seconds.”

  The eight lions leapt over the boulder and whirled on us. Between my autoturret and Parsons spikes we downed four of them before they closed the gap but then they were on us. Cascadia again killed two cleanly, and my autoturret saved the melee combat deficient of us, but not before we had taken significant damage. The machine gun fire stopped and we frantically dashed while activating our healing boost abilities and using our injector pens.

  While we ran I flew my drone up and looked at the overall layout.

  “Fuck! This will take us at least five more rounds at this pace. We’re fucked!” We dove behind a boulder as the machine gun started up.

  “New position!” Parson yelled. “Cascadia out front, as far as you can staying under the gun line of fire. Try to keep them off us.”

  Seconds later ten lionesses leapt the boulder. Cascadia whirled, striking at them with her axe in wide, sweeping blows. The new formation worked better and Cascadia succeeded in keeping the mobs at bay while Jasper and I utilized our ranged weapons. We ran again.

  “Four more rounds will be eighteen lions, we can’t handle that yet, ” Parson said.

  “We need a way to kill whatever he is breeding with. Maybe I can fly my drone in there and take it out,” I panted. My improved constitution made this running much easier, but I was still lagging behind. Our strategic discussion was cut short as twelve mobs came for us. With so many, some came around the boulder instead of over, which was disastrous for our formation. I kept the turret focused solely on protecting Parson and I and it still wasn’t enough to keep us safe. We each had two lions targeting us and only had time to take out a single one each before we were leapt on. Cascadia was like an angel of death, single handedly battling eight lions. She could sever limbs or split skulls with single strikes of her vibro-axe and she bounded around, slicing and kicking, trading glancing blows for killing strikes.

  She spared a glance for us and sent her axe spinning through the air to cut through the spine of the lion who was busy disemboweling me. I turned the turret to finish off Jasper’s assailant as Cascadia activated her wrist blade, stabbing a lion through the mouth even as she was dragged down by the remaining three. With space to breathe, Jasper and I made short work of them.

  “DONT MOVE!” Cascadia shouted as soon as the last lion fell. My health was in the deep red and I still had a minute before I could do anything about it. Jasper was in only marginally better condition and even Cascadia’s health was in the yellow.

  “If I kill the boss will his minions die?”

  I was having trouble thinking and responded by instinct. “I don’t know…prob-“

  “Stop fucking around Gel! Will they die or not?”

  “…They might, but even if they don’t they’ll stop fighting.” I was reasonably sure of this, as the early floor boss mechanics were more fixed than deeper levels.

  “Your drone, fly this to the ceiling above the boss and attach it. Hurry!”

  She handed me her adhesion disc. I tried to focus through my guts bleeding out and succeeded in grabbing the disc with my drones claw attachment. Jasper was suddenly beside me, sticking me in the leg with an old fashioned syringe. I gasped as clarity of mind became mine again. I was still bleeding and in pain but I could think clearly. The drone shot off at top speed, reaching the gun fixture just as the lion returned to his post. I placed the adhesive side against the ceiling and signaled to Cascadia. She activated the disc, sealing it in place, and I brought the drone back, watching fourteen lions emerge from the animal shelter.

  Parson tossed a green, glowing jet-injector to Cascadia and nodded, understanding her plan. She slammed the injector against her arm, let out a guttural sigh, and dashed out from behind the boulder.

  She turned sharply and plotted a direct course to the boss’ tower. Machine gun fire blasted her shield away as she accelerated to top speed. She had activated her Enhanced Gravitational Coupling skill which, at this angle, was pulling her forward towards the boss and making her about fifty percent lighter. This combined with her stats, the stimjet, and her skills, gave her tremendous speed. She threw herself into a slide, skimming across the ground in a blur, nearly horizontal. The lionesses paused, confused at the sight. They pawed at her ineffectually as she whipped past them.

  Her staff extended in her hands and she thrust it into the floor as she reached the base of the tower. At this point her Gravitational Coupling skill was pulling on her almost vertically, making her nearly weightless. The staff launched her into the air, snapping as it did, and she rocketed directly toward the gun platform. She deactivated her coupling skill and grasped on the platform as she flew past. She pivoted in the air around her hands and swung down onto the platform, activating her Seismic Smash skill with a kick. The King went flying backwards off of the tower. Cascadia had also deactivated the adhesion disc which she caught out of the air then hurled to another point farther back on the ceiling.

  She dove after The King grasping onto the flailing figure in midair. Using a grip on his mane she flipped onto his back and thrust her hands into his mouth, grabbing his upper jaw while clamping her legs around his back. She glowed orange as she simultaneously activated her Friction Manipulation and Gravitational Coupling skills. She extended with all her might, pushing down with her legs as she pulled up and twisted with her arms. Her coupling to her adhesion disc added upward force and The King’s neck fractured, his health bar disappearing completely. Cascadia threw herself into a spin, maintaining a tight hold and ripping the tentacle-covered head from the lion's body, showering gore onto the ground below.

  Her effective gravity was close to zero and she floated in the air, barely descending as she pendulumed back and forth under her adhesion disc. She held the head out in front of her as the world froze for a moment.

  Winner!

  “Holy shit man,” Parson said.

  “You’re telling me.”