“I was born from the ashes of life.” He started.

  Their surroundings turned into the porch of a small mountain cottage. The sounds of chirping birds and rustling leaves filling the air with life.

  He sat on a nice wooden rocking chair, conjuring a cup of tea from nothing.

  Gesturing at Aurelius to sit, he continued.

  “There are 10,000 souls that make up my body, bonded into one through that ritual of theirs.”

  “Each one had years yet lived, hopes yet to be fulfilled.

  “But they gave all of that up, just to slay those damn Dragons.”

  “I was born of determination, sacrifice and most of all, hate.”

  “That remnant kept my madness to a minimum. Only leaving me in complete fucking madness for a century.”

  “And when I eventually gained sentience, clarity and understanding of my world, I started to wish I hadn’t gone sane.”

  “I was born to kill LITERAL gods! What kind of a fucked up destiny is that?”

  “A few decades were spent despairing at my fucked up situation.”

  “I was powerful, sure. Powerful beyond mortal understanding!”

  “Yet, I was overflowing with MORTAL souls.”

  “Their memories and hope would surface occasionally. They each carried with them emotions and regrets. But annoyingly consistent, was their HATE.”

  “A god born of mortal hands. But a puppet of their will. Who then, is the true god there?” He spat, resentment lining every word.

  “I studied and pioneered the first magics. I meditated and shaped my 10,000 souls for centuries. All in a bid to satisfy THEIR NEED.”

  “And when I was done slaying those infernal fucks, I was finally done. Freed from their first demands.”

  “I wandered this planet, looking for a place for me.”

  “I studied further, conversed with others, and lived as I pleased.”

  “However, the souls in my body demanded more. These… phantoms of the living, mirages of life, resisted their own death!”

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  “I was haunted for decades by their lingering thoughts and stupid desires.”

  “More fucked up, was the fact that their innate, mortal desire to live, prevented me from erasing them outright.”

  “Then why the fuck did they choose to kill themselves?”

  “I was a chained god, imprisoned by mortal minds. A god damned to be a schizophrenic lunatic!”

  “So I decided to humour these fucking voices.”

  “I split my soul into 10,000 pieces, each with a life of their own.”

  “I scattered my 10,000 souls across the galaxy, each piece sentenced to live and die as living creatures would.”

  At this point in His rant, his tone became softer, more complex and even a little tender.

  “Each world offered new experiences, new lives, new knowledge.”

  “Sometimes, I wouldn’t even be aware of my godhood, living completely in the dark to the truths of the world.”

  “I was a scholar, an educator, a general, a soldier, a beggar, a politician, a thief, a noble, a slave, a king.”

  “I lived 10,000 years with 10,000 lives.”

  “Even through this journey, my souls never stopped talking to me, their lamenting never fading.”

  “Yet, after many years, I began to… understand them. I understood the terror of death, appreciated their hope, empathised with even their hate.”

  “And through this, I became aware of the nobility of their sacrifice.”

  “In their death, they sought to make life better for whoever came after them.”

  “It was ridiculously mortal!”

  “And in this process of introspection, I became unsure of my own identity.”

  “I had been living their lives and dreams. What was I?”

  “Was I ever even an individual? Or was I a mere continuation of their lives? A ghost?”

  “Searching for an answer, I realised an important truth”

  “...It didn’t matter!”

  “I was alive. Living lives through ages, accumulating knowledge, gaining wisdom, understanding mortality, decrypting morality, and molded into something unrecognisable from my birth.”

  “I became more ‘human’ than god. Or perhaps I never was a god from the beginning.”

  “The memories I once cursed now ground me, and started to steady my mind.”

  “Of course, I might just have grown more insane than I had been!”

  “But I wouldn’t even mind that now. It would merely be proof of my individuality, showing me that I’ve changed!”

  He rocked back and forth on His chair, his face painted with nostalgia and wisdom. Taking a sip of His coffee, He turned to look at Aurelius, a solemn smile on His face.

  “Despite all this reflection, life has become… painful.”

  “Your beauty is too fleeting, and marred by your ugliness.”

  “I’ve participated in debauchery as much as I participated in your love and joy.”

  “I’ve accepted your darkness, and embraced your charms.”

  “Even still, misery seems to cloud over every single one of you.”

  “I’ve never lived a life only filled with joy. Nor have I witnessed one.”

  “Sadness, grief, anger, envy, and greed define your growth and individuality.”

  “Remarkably, their power binds even your societies in shadows.”

  “I tried to escape them. Resisting against your nature.”

  “Yet, those attempts always felt empty. Never fulfilling, and devoid of meaning.”

  “I pondered this for decades. Trying to dissect the issue. Trying to escape the bondage of affliction.”

  “However, it was fruitless. The truth of life itself was tainted by suffering.”

  “And the devastation of this realisation led me down a path of further enlightenment.”

  “I decided that I didn’t need to attain the unattainable.”

  “I decided that I have the option to refuse the suffering of existence. To reject the cycle of misery.”

  “I’ve lived enough. Seen enough. Learned much.”

  “I want to free myself the way that all mortals do.”

  “I wish to die.”