A sharp rap on my door pulled me out of a light half-sleep. Sitting up and wiping the drool off my face, I blinked the sleep out of my eyes. The sound of rain and the smell of petrichor filled my small room.
A soft snore rattled behind me. Looking over at my bed, I saw that Tristan was passed out under my covers, my pillow over their head. They'd shown up when a heavy rain started around midday and had fallen asleep on my bed almost immediately. I continued reading at my desk, not minding the company.
The pitter-patter of rain outside had been so soothing, I got tired too, but, not wanting to wake them up, I'd drifted off in my desk chair while reading some book about dragons that Arden had given me weeks before.
There was another rap on the door.
"Coming," I said, trying to be loud enough to be heard but quiet enough not to wake Tristan. I padded over to the door and cracked it open. One of the older templars stood in the hallway.
"Morning, Alex." Jorn, one of the senior Templars, was standing outside my door.
"Morning, Jorn. What's up?"
"It's my day off, so I thought I'd be sleeping all day, but it looks like we're leaving to patrol the villages later. Ro-Saleh said he wants to talk to you before we leave, so here I am."
"Sorry, man. That's rough." Jorn and I weren't close, but we'd trained enough together to be friendly. He was an old face around the temple and acted like everyone's semi-sleazy uncle. Despite that, he was well-liked by nearly everyone, but he was lazy as hell and didn't hide it. In fact, he often said that laziness was the virtue closest to the Goddess's heart.
"Right now?"
"Yeah, we're heading out in the next few hours."
"We?"
"Yep!" He slapped my shoulder. "Now that you're fighting fit again, it's time for you to go out on a real job!"
What about Tristan?" I glanced back at them right when one of their hairless legs kicked out from under my covers.
Jorn looked past me. "Ah..." He grinned. "I see..." Grabbing my wrist, he pulled me out into the hall. "Come out into the hall and shut the door. I've been dying to ask you something, but the mixed blood is always with you."
"Mixed blood?"
"Come on out here with me!" His harsh whisper echoed off the stone walls of the hallway.
"Fine, fine." I shut the door until it was open a crack. "Ask away, you big weirdo."
He leaned in and asked, "So, you and the waif?"
"The waif?"
"The one in your bed right now."
"Oh! Yeah? What about us?"
"You know, I figured something was going on between you, but seeing it in person is something different. Not bad. Not bad at all."
What the hell was he talking about? "I don't follow, Jorn."
"It's not that complicated, my friend. Obviously, Tristan came clean, and you both figured things out the way two young, attractive people would."
I got the implication, but didn't. "Figured what out? Spell it out for me, Jorn. I'm dense."
He threw his arm over my shoulder. "Tristan's come a long way over the past year. Finally hit the change, and right when you showed up, too." His eyes gleamed at me. "We all know what that means..." He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
"I'm not following."
"Don't play coy, my friend. That only happens to her kind for one reason. And, word is, you stay up late getting 'tutored' night after night. It doesn't take much to piece things together, especially for someone who's been around the villages a time or ten as I have."
"I don't... what?"
His grin faded, and he squared his shoulders. "Look. You don't have to play innocent. We're both grown-ups here. I'm happy for you. For you both." He stepped back and looked at me with a serious expression for the first time probably ever. "And you seem like a great guy. I don't have many worries about you. But I'll tell you this: that one's as pure as they come. If you harm a single hair on that waif's head, I'll cut your balls off and feed them to the hogs. And I'm not even close to the worst you'll face. Renard'll string you up by your ankles and use you for target practice, and Na-Ya..." He shuddered. "You don't want to know what she'd do to you."
Oh... Oh! "No! No. That's not what's happening."
"Come on, boy..." He sighed.
I shook him off. "No, really. It's not like that."
"What do you mean? You two aren't..." He left the sentence hanging.
"No, definitely not. We're just friends."
"You sure about that? You two spend an awful lot of time together." He nudged my ribs, and his big grin returned to his face. "Tristan doesn't spend that much time with anyone else, save for Na-Ya and Maven. And I've seen those blue eyes hovering over you. Those are lovers' eyes."
I stepped back. "I'm sure. And I'm sure it's mutual."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that."
"Well, even so, Tristan's not my type."
"Oho, look at you. What's your type, then? You got a thing for blonds?"
"Not really, no."
"Ooh, redheads?" His grin grew. "That's my type. Love 'em."
I shook my head. "No, I love black hair. I love all hair, really. Dated a girl with dyed purple hair once, too. She was fun." I laughed. "I just prefer women."
He stared at me. "What?"
I stared back. "What do you mean, what?"
"I mean, what do you mean you like women?" He scratched his forehead.
"I'm attracted to girls. Women. Maidens. Ladyfolk. You know, with the long hair and the high voices and the pretty eyes." And the hips. Couldn't forget the hips. Hips were great.
Where the hell was he going with this?
He pointed toward my door. "Yeah. That's what I'm saying."
This conversation wasn't one I'd wanted to have. Not at all. I'd been avoiding it forever, but it looked like forever was ending. "Then why would you say all this? Tristan's a..." I hesitated. "A guy? I think?" Even if Reial's language had a gender-neutral term, one that I'd been using for Tristan since I'd learned the language here, it was easier to think of them as a guy.
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His head tilted to the side. "You think..." A smile split his face. "Hooo boy."
"What?"
"You really are dense."
"Okay, so spell it out for me."
Jorn laughed. "The waif's a girl." Slapping my shoulder, he added, "Well, now she is. Took a while for the change to clear up, but now that it has, she's as woman as they come."
"That's not..." Is that why Tristan never got any more manly? I just assumed puberty was different here, or the terms changed for young people and children. That, or Tristan was just a feminine guy and was weird about it. "Really?"
Chuckling, he said over his shoulder, "Well, now that I dropped those quivers on you, Ro-Saleh's waiting for you by the statue. Don't keep the elf waiting too long, now." The knight snickered as he walked away, his footsteps echoing lightly on the stone floor.
I watched the man go.
Turning around, I reached for the handle and froze. I could hear Tristan yawning behind the door.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and stepped into my room. Not wanting to look at my friend, I sat down and started pulling on my boots.
I didn't want things to change. If I didn't look at Tristan, things wouldn't. Right?
"Hey..." Tristan's voice was heavy with sleep.
"Hey." I kept my eyes on my boots.
"I was so close to falling asleep." She yawned again.
"You think you weren't asleep?"
They sighed. "No. It takes me forever."
"You were snoring. Loudly."
"I do not snore!" Their high-pitched voice shot up three pitches.
I chuckled. "Okay, buddy." I finished with one boot and started with the other.
"Did someone just knock on the door?"
"Yeah, it was Jorn."
"Is everything alright?"
Pulling my second boot's laces tight, I stood up. "He said I need to go talk to Ro real quick. You too, if you're ready."
"Anything important?" I saw them stretch in the corner of my eye. Under their robes, curves.
"I don't know, exactly. They're heading out to the villages to do some patrols. Ro wants to talk to me before they leave." I went to walk past the bed, but Tristan's hand grabbed my wrist.
"Are you okay? You seem off."
Finally, I looked at her. "I'm fine. Really."
They shook their head. "No, you're not. Talk to me."
I tried pulling away, but they gripped tighter. They weren't taking no for an answer.
"It's stupid."
"I'll be the judge of that."
"Um... Jorn said..."
"Jorn says lots of things."
"Tristan?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you a girl?"
Tristan's eyes widened. Their face grew redder and redder. "I... Um... As of this year... Yes?"
I felt my face heat up. "Ah. That makes sense." It did not, in fact, make sense.
She bit her lip. "Is that a problem?"
My face grew hotter. "No, I think that's great... I just..." A wave of irritation washed over me, replacing the awkwardness completely. "Why the hell didn't you say anything?!"
"I explained it! Like twenty times!"
"Did not!"
"I knew you were just nodding and pretending to understand!"
"You should have tried again! You knew how shitty I was at your language. I needed all the help I could get!"
"I gave you all the help in the world!" She swung her legs off my bed, stood, and thrust a finger in my chest. For the first time, our size difference stood out in my mind. She barely came to my collarbone. "You're just dumb!"
"Yes! Very! We all know this!"
Despite the heat between us, she broke out into a grin and laughed. "I'm sorry. That was mean." She patted my chest. "You're not dumb. Just dense."
"You don't have to sugarcoat it, woman."
She shuddered. "It's weird hearing that out loud."
"Why? Were you a guy before or something? I'm so confused."
Shaking her head, she said, "I told you before, I was a silver leaf."
"Oh, yeah, a silver leaf. That clears everything up."
Her eyes flashed. "Why do you even care that I'm a woman, huh? Does that change anything?"
Her thick brown robes were hanging loose around her neck, and she wasn't wearing another layer underneath. At the angle we were at, there was no way for me to miss the view inside. She was definitely a girl.
"Yes."
"Why yes?!"
I flinched. "Well... you know... Things happen."
"Things..." Her brows scrunched, then went wide, and her face turned beet-red. "You're sick!"
Snorting, I shot back, "It's not like I haven't caught your eyes lingering on me. Everyone has!"
She sputtered for a good minute. "T-that's neither here nor there!"
"Look, it doesn't matter." I held up my hands. "I promise nothing will change between us."
"Why not?!" She stepped forward, pushing me back until my calf bumped my desk chair.
That was an unexpected segue. "Wait. What?"
She huffed. "Um..."
"Wait, wait, wait. Are you saying you want things to change?"
"She blushed. "Well..." Taking a breath, she said, "You and I are friends. Best friends. And that's how it's going to be. So you get your head out of your ass, because you and I are staying in each other's lives. Got it?!"
"I, uh, yeah. Got it."
"Promise me."
"Huh?"
"Promise."
I could see something behind her eyes. Worry? Insecurity? "Of course, nothing'll change. You're my best friend. Nothing will change that."
She visibly relaxed. "Good."
Wait. What the hell? "But don't turn this on me! How is it no one in the temple let it slip that you're a woman, huh? I can't possibly be that dense."
She snapped back. "You're an idiot, that's why!" Her eyes looked to the side. She always did that when she was hiding something.
I stepped forward, forcing her back a step. "No. You did something. Out with it."
She looked at the ground and mumbled something I couldn't make out.
I placed my fingers under her chin and forced her head up. "Speak up."
"I told everyone not to say anything."
"Why the fuck did you do that?" So that's what Jorn meant about her coming clean.
A cloud crossed her face. "I wanted to be the one to say it. Plus, I didn't want you to treat me differently. And I was worried things would change."
"Tristan..." My anger vanished. "Yeah, I felt the same way."
That seemed to shake out some of the insecurity. "You took me on as your friend so easily. I never had anyone do that before. You were sweet and thoughtful, and I was comfortable with you right away." She smiled a shy smile. "Plus, you made me feel seen. I'm not the most open person, you know? It's not easy for me, and I didn't want to lose that."
"Why would you have lost it?"
"I was worried that you'd act differently because of..." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Reasons. Plus, once it went on long enough, it was way too awkward to bring up. So I decided to let it go and figured we'd talk eventually, when the time was right."
That made sense. I wouldn't want anything to change our friendship, and I couldn't imagine my life without her. "Well, I feel like an ass."
She frowned. "Don't. I should have talked to you about it sooner." A smile crossed her face, and she laughed. "It would have happened soon, anyway. These stupid robes won't work much longer." She gestured down at her chest, then placed her hands on her hips.
With the fabric pushed in, I noticed how wide they'd become. They would have put Devon's to shame.
Nope.
Look away, Alex.
Don't be weird.
My eyes found the ceiling.
She huffed and punched my shoulder. "Don't make it weird!"
I laughed. "I'm not the one showing off my hips."
"Oh, fuck off. You know how many times I've had to see you with your shirt off? And it's not like the baths leave much to the imagination. You've been flaunting your bits all over the place."
"Bits?" I'd always wondered why she never bathed with me...
Shit!
I'd been hanging dong in front of her for a whole year!
"Uh, sorry. It's not like I was trying to show off or anything. I just got used to everyone here being so casual about it."
She blushed furiously. "Well, it's not like you have anything to show off..."
"Excuse you?!" My pride challenged, I reached for my belt. "You sure about that?"
She looked at the ceiling. "You touch that belt, and I swear..."
"You sure? Because I just heard you say I've got nothing going on, and that's a serious challenge to my manhood."
She giggled. "Okay, that might have been an exaggeration." Slapping my hands away, she said, "Down, boy."
I laughed. "Yes, ma'am."
"Goddess save me." She sighed. "Do you know how long I've been dreading this conversation?"
"For over a year?"
"Well, yeah." She laughed. "I'm going to kill Jorn."
"It's not his fault. He saw you asleep in my bed and assumed."
Her cheeks went red all over again. "What did he assume?"
"Well... You know..." I grinned. "It's not that complicated..."
She scoffed. "What kind of woman does he think I am?"
"One who sleeps in my bed."
She smacked me. "It's more comfy than mine! And it smells nice in here." She looked away. "And I like spending time with you."
"Yeah, me too."
Her eyes found the ground again. "What a day."
"Yeah, I didn't expect today to go this way."
"Me neither."
There was a long pause. I normally hated those, but this one wasn't so bad. Her sapphire eyes found mine again, and she smiled.
After a few moments, I said, "Well, I guess I'll go talk to Ro now."
"Yeah, you should go do that."
"What about you?"
She sighed. "I think I'm going to stay in here and die on the inside for a bit."
I chuckled. "Have fun with that."
"Oh, you know I won't." She sat down on my bed, elbows on her knees, and cradled her forehead in her hands.
I stepped toward the door.
"Alex?"
"Hmm?"
"Even if the timing wasn't the best, I'm glad we talked."
"Same."
"Thanks for not making things weird."
"Thanks for being honest." I looked back at her and smiled. "Enjoy your existential crisis."
She nodded. "Thank you, kind sir. Enjoy your talk or whatever."
Stepping out of the room, I took a deep breath and turned to pull the door shut. As the door closed, I saw her flop back into my bed. Throwing my pillow over her head, she deflated like a balloon.
Latching the door, I turned and walked down the hall. With each step, I realized that, as much as I didn't want things to change, things were absolutely going to change between us.
Hopefully, the changes would be good.

