“Where’s my damn money, Roddy?”

  He glanced up from where he was pouring three glasses of Golden Jack, pausing with the decanter held almost horizontally.

  “A lot of money was riding on that last bout, and you damn near fucked it up with your hippy dippy making friends bullshit,” he grumbled, resuming the pour when I flicked my eyes to a glass.

  “It was very kind of you to take on my fights, Bob, but I’m a werewolf. No adventuring team is going to want me,” Alicya said.

  “Well, you’ve got two choices. The Fighting Dolphins are a couple of native humans led by an Outremonde and an asshole of an elf. The Bonkers are system-printed people? I think that’s the term for being generated by the dungeon. There are a couple of orlics in there as well. I doubt they’ll be too bothered about your lack of hair care. But back to the important stuff: shinies, Roddy. Give me my shinies.”

  Roderick passed me a glass and extended one to Alicya, who took it suspiciously and sniffed at the amber liquid carefully. A long tongue snaked out to touch the best liquor on Helstat before she nodded slightly.

  “The bets will all be settled in the next couple of hours. You can relax here if you don’t want to come back tomorrow. It’s looking good, Bob. That Stocks fellow really threw the crowd for a loop. He injured you enough that a lot of money got laid on Alicya here winning.” Roderick smiled warmly at the werewolf who was lapping at the GJ in her glass.

  “And Dalgliesh?” I growled. I’d put some clothes on, but I was still barefoot. I sat down and pulled a pair of woolly socks from my storage space.

  “He is a regular sponsor.”

  “Don’t be evasive. Did he put you up to making me face the unkillable furball?”

  “Hey!” Alicya snapped.

  “He suggested that someone like Alicya would be a suitable challenge to drive the betting. He had a number of ideas to make the most of his advertising costs. He just wanted to make money.” Roderick shrugged as he sat down in a leather armchair opposite me. He hitched up his trousers and crossed his legs. He appeared to shave his legs, based on the section of pristine skin I could see.

  One furball, one hairless weirdo. Sometimes I hated this world. Why couldn’t things just be normal?

  “Bastard.”

  “It seemed like a good idea at the time!” Roderick glanced over at a large painting on the wall, fear in his eyes. My tongue flicked out. Beneath the wet-dog smell Alicya exuded, there was the faint tang of fear coming from the impresario of the arena.

  “You got played. Whoever is lurking in the secret passage can’t stop me if I decide to act. You think you’ve got enough guards to deal with me?” I growled. “Dalgliesh and I had… have a deal. I supply him with certain minerals, he pays me and runs interference for my business ventures in the city. Our relationship has soured since I discovered he had screwed me and was supplying my products to the people he claimed to be outbidding.”

  “You’re not very bright, are you?” Alicya said.

  I turned my head to her as showers of gold exploded around me.

  “I have a nose for these things,” she said with a shrug.

  “I am tempted to rescind my offer.”

  “Too late, Bob. Half the city knows what you did now,” Roderick said quickly. “If you back out, your reputation will be destroyed.”

  “Do you reckon I care what mammals think about me?” I was lying. I really did. Maybe it was Vanity, maybe it was my draconic ego, but perhaps it was a holdover from the human part of me that was obsessed with status and how I was perceived.

  “Mammals rule the world,” Alicya said. “Speaking as a peak mammal, I kind of like it that way.”

  “A peak mammal to me is like a peak cockroach is to you.”

  “Rude. We need to establish some ground rules. Respect me. I need regular walks, brushing and a bowl with fresh water. It can be refilled daily. I prefer fish to red meat, but arachnoshrooms are an excellent alternative.” She crossed her arms.

  “Could you transform back? Or at least put some clothes on? I had a girlfriend with hairy nipples back home, and it’s giving me flashbacks.”

  “You can’t shame me. I’m beautiful just as I am,” she snapped.

  “That’s what she said. I tried to shave them when she was asleep one time—”

  “Alicya is correct,” Roderick interrupted.

  “About the nipples? It takes all sorts, but I wouldn’t have tagged you as that way out.”

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  “No, Bob. About respect. You’ve earned a lot of it today from the ‘mammals’ as you call us. You’ve shafted your enemy. Dalgliesh left in a hurry shortly after your little public service announcement to the criminal underclass.”

  “Hah. Good.”

  “Why do you think the Madson was here? He never uses that box. His dad was a big fan of the fights.”

  “If I had to guess, Roderick, it’s because he owes me a bunch of loot for clearing the Library.”

  “Is it always money with you?” he snapped. In the corner of my eye, I saw Alicya look up, her tongue hanging out, half submerged in expensive whisky.

  “No.” I lied. Well, kind of lied. There were more things than just shinies that mattered, but I’d be hard-pressed to pass a lie detector if someone asked me whether money was the most important thing.

  “I’ll be real with you. I don’t know why he was here, but it was a big deal. You’ve had dealings with him in the past, and now he’s gracing my establishment when you’re the headliner.”

  “I’ve never spoken to the guy! Lady Artington… I’ve dealt with her. She purchased an item I’d put up for auction.”

  “The Immortality Injection.” Roderick sounded smug. Alicya’s tongue flicked expensive booze onto the carpet in front of her chair.

  “You’re very well informed.”

  “You stuck your head through the privacy screen and yelled at the bidders. Everyone knows it was your product.”

  Shit. “And you want me on the hook. If you’ve got a billion gold, I can sort you out.” Why did I suddenly feel like a drug dealer?

  “I don’t need it,” Alicya offered helpfully. “Already a true immortal. If you’d burned me to ash out there, I’d have regenerated. Lycanthropy is weird.”

  “But ancient vamps were a piece of piss to deal with. I just had to tickle them with my wings.” I saw Roderick perk up and glared at him. He settled back down and stroked his chin thoughtfully.

  “IMPS likes the furries,” Alicya said with a shrug. “Not so much the vamps.”

  “Oh, great. The god of gods that runs the multiverse has a Furaffinity account.”

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “Never mind. Something from my world. So even if I burnt you down with acidic fire, you’d eventually regenerate?”

  “Yep. Takes longer depending on how much damage I take, but sooner or later I’m back.”

  “You were the perfect weapon to throw against me.” I tracked my head back to Roderick like a tank cannon spotting a target.

  “I needed a solid third round! You weren’t supposed to talk it out like teenage girls!”

  “You would have won, I think. You killed Kenny; you bastard. You could have melted me into a puddle. Creatures with fur don’t like fire. But it wouldn’t have been the end of me.” Alicya looked briefly sad for some reason, then tipped her head back and poured the booze down her snout. She got up and went for a refill, staggering ever so slightly as she did.

  “Have you considered the role of tank within a party? You’re immortal, regenerate your bits in seconds, you’d be perfect.”

  She removed the cork from a bottle with her teeth and poured herself a generous measure. Swirling the liquid for a second before lapping up a couple of samples.

  “You know what dogs want?” she asked softly.

  “Bacon and chicken and attention?”

  “Kind of. But we really want to serve and protect.”

  “You don’t have to join up with me, Alicya. I can kick the shit out of whoever this douche throws up against me and… I don’t care about it.”

  I genuinely didn’t. I’d only tried to be merciful because I didn’t want to turn into Mr Blobby mid-fight. Killing the beasts or the humans wouldn’t have bothered me on an emotional level. I was losing touch. It was probably a good thing that my capacity to kill and gain shinies had been removed.

  The gods move in mysterious ways.

  “What’s a douche?” Roderick asked.

  “An entertainer,” I snapped.

  “I’ll join up with you. My kind are hunted. Why do you think I haven’t revealed my human form?”

  “Hairy nips?”

  “Piss off, Bob.”

  “Speaking as an entertainer, I can see some opportunities here. The dragon and his hound! Fur and Scales are holding an all-challenger competition. This is something we could really make some money from.”

  “I’m interested.” The words had left my mouth before I could even think—goddamn dragon bullshit.

  “We’d need to pick the fights carefully. There are slayers, specialists, who could be a good match. It would have to be a team… perhaps… I should speak to my import guy. We could get some pack beats in as well. Yes. I can see this working amazingly well for all of us.”

  “We need to talk about percentages, Roddy.”

  “Will you stop calling me that?”

  “I didn’t agree to shit,” Alicya snapped. “What percentage?”

  “We can talk about it. But I think we could be generous, hell, even a modest cut would make us all millions—lots. Maybe not millions in your case, but it’s my establishment. I have all the running costs, promotion costs, plenty of overheads, but you could both do very well out of it.”

  There was a thumping knock on the door, and all our heads turned to stare at… highly polished wood. Shiny.

  “What?” yelled Roderick, his voice over magic kicking in.

  “His Imperial Majesty would like to join you for canapes and drinks.”

  “That’s not… Who the hell are you?” Roderick rose to his feet and began inching slowly towards the painting that I was certain held some kind of secret passage and guards.

  “Justavius Polliquinus, Immortal Defender. The Emperor and Lady Artington will join you now.”

  The door swung open. Madson was shorter than I’d expected. His clothes were surprisingly simple, although they were obviously expensive. Clean purple lines, hints of gold thread here and there. He didn’t wear a crown or anything crass like that. Lady Artington drew all eyes anyway; next to her, the universe seemed to fade into the background.

  “Bob!” Artington rushed forward and embraced me in a warm hug. I was getting better at controlling my blood flow in my mammal suit, but this was a close-run thing. “I knew you’d win. Miss Caine, a pleasure to meet you in person.” As she let go of me, she turned and curtseyed at the surprised werewolf.

  “Who the hell are you?”

  “She’s my personal assistant,” Madson said. “Lozenge Madson, Emperor of the Realm of Men, titles, titles, titles.” He bowed courteously to the wolf monster.

  “You got the loot from the Library?” I asked before the stunned werewolf could reply.

  “Of course.” He tossed a pouch of holding at me that I snatched from the air. I stuck a finger in the mouth of the bag and grimaced.

  “That’s… more than I was expecting.”

  “Keep your friends rich, especially when they’re giant greedy lizards.” Madson smiled thinly at me. He had an… aura. He didn’t strike me as the average mammal.

  “How did you and Jemima meet?” I asked.

  “Nursemaid,” he replied immediately. I glanced over, down a little, then back up as Lady Artington’s cheeks flushed red and she threw a cup from the table next to us at the Emperor of Mankind’s head.

  He caught it without looking away from me. “We need to talk about the civil war, Bob.”