“Now… you dog-eating scoundrels,” I said, dropping into the seat across from Stevin and Enna. “I’m waiting.”

  “Your Grace, I…” Stevin started, shrinking a little into his chair. “I was busy repaying the elves for all their help and, you know… catching up with people.”

  Enna stared hard at the floor. “I was asked to heal a few of them. In exchange for my freedom.”

  “What happened to all that ‘Leave it to me,’ stuff?” I asked her, staring into her eyes.

  “I-I was getting to it.”

  I stared at the two of them. They looked guilty. Worse, their explanations were justified.

  I let out a long, exhausted sigh.

  I’d slept for an entire day after the fight with Relia, only to be dragged back to the land of the living by starvation. The moment I woke, I checked on Relia, then came downstairs for breakfast… and this is what greeted me.

  “Fine,” I raised my hands in defeat, turning to the food laid out on the table. “Did you two at least take care of all your stuff?”

  “Yes,” Enna nodded.

  Stevin, however, suddenly found something fascinating in the wood grain of the table.

  “…What?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

  “Can’t I just stay here?” Stevin blurted. “My life here is… decent. And they treat me decently. If I go back, even if by the combined miracle of several Gods they don’t hang me on sight, I’ll still end up dead. If not in a week, then a month. If not in a month, then by next year. Your Grace, please.”

  “Here you go again with that bullshit,” Enna sighed, dropping her fork into the food. “You act like a brat when convenient, then like a starving dog when it’s not. You’re a noble, heir to a noble house. How can you not defend yourself as an Earth Dancer?”

  “Because everyone in that damned place is one,” Stevin groaned. “Your Grace, I only came with you two because I had no choice. But now I do have choices. What’s the point of escorting me back when this is the only safe place I’ve ever known? Isn't this escort mission of yours enough if it ends here?”

  Suddenly, my appetite decided it had better places to be.

  “And what would you do here, Stevin?” I asked, staring him down. “Build walls? Lay foundations? For how long? What happens when you’re found? What happens when they send the next batch of adventurers after you? Then what? Where do you run?”

  “Then allow me to serve you, Your Grace,” Stevin said, bowing his head. “Your Castle is hidden, never seen before by others. And with you there… what safer place exists for someone like me?”

  I sighed and set my plate down, the clatter louder than intended.

  This boy had been a headache from the day I dragged him and the woman beside him from the snake’s mouth. And the Directive said nothing about taking on stray nobles.

  But if he really thought he’d die out there… what was I supposed to do?

  Enna clicked her tongue. “I’m not risking my future, my way of life, my freedom, for your tantrums and family feuds.”

  “Oh, fuck off,” Stevin snapped, pointing at her. “You? Priestess? You’re as holy as the shit I took an hour ago. You care for life as much as Warlords care for peace. So fuck your High Temples, fuck your Road, fuck your way of life, fuck your past, fuck your future, fuck your freedom, and fuck... you.”

  “You bitch,” Enna growled, jaw tight as she stood. “I accepted your tongue only because His Grace was present, but if you’re so intent on staying here, then fine. I’ll bury you in this village myself so you can rest in peace for the rest of eternity.”

  “Fine then,” Stevin barked, slapping the table as he stood. “A challenge it is.”

  Yep. There was Rabies in the dogs they ate.

  “Sit your asses down and be silent,” I commanded, my voice cold, already exhausted. “I want to eat in peace. And I will eat in peace, one way or another. Which means you two will remain silent. So either you shut the fuck up, or I'll make you. Your choice.”

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  Don’t believe a word of what I said; I was talking straight out of my ass. But since they tended to cling to anything I said like it was divine law, I had to throw something out there before they actually tried to kill each other.

  As expected, they went quiet and kept eating. So did I.

  Truth be told, with how Stevin acted, his childish whining and these ridiculous tantrums, you wouldn’t think he was genuinely being hunted by his own family. You’d think he was some pampered little nepo baby, too bored with flying private and looking for something dramatic to complain about.

  But Enna was all the proof I needed to know that Stevin wasn’t exaggerating.

  His family hadn’t just sent letters or looked for him on their own. No... they outsourced the hunt. And Enna was one of those hunters. An adventurer. Which meant that, for all her sky-high ego and hair-trigger temper, she had staked everything on completing the job she’d been given.

  That weird quirk of this world, on its own, was insane. No doctor loses their career because a patient dies on the table. No ambulance driver is executed because someone didn’t make it to the hospital in time.

  The world didn’t, and shouldn’t, work like that. Meritocracy had its merits, sure, but pretending one failure erased every success? Absurd.

  Even Genghis Khan lost battles. And that didn’t stop him from being a conqueror.

  So their ‘problem’ was simple: they were opposites pulling at the same chain.

  Stevin refused to go home because he genuinely thought he’d be in danger. Enna insisted on taking him back because she genuinely thought she would be in danger if she didn’t.

  And there I was, standing dead center between them, brewing a brilliant idea.

  I let out a long sigh once I finished my meal, belly warm, mood high. At least on the inside.

  The sound made both of them look at me.

  “I may have an idea,” I said.

  After enjoying a cup of otherworldly tea and a quick rundown of the plan, I sent Stevin off to say his goodbyes to the elven woman he hoped to court someday. Meanwhile, Enna and I went to find the bastard who owed me a reward.

  “Dear guests,” the Chief beamed, lounging sideways in a gorgeous bed surrounded by the same three elven ladies, each of them far too naked for my monogamous eyes.

  “I came for my rewards,” I said, focusing firmly on the wall above their heads, refusing to register whatever shapes, curves, and questionable angles were occupying my peripheral vision. Julia would smite me with lightning for less.

  “Ah, yes,” he chuckled, pushing himself upright from the awkward position he’d been in. “You not only saved us the trouble of dealing with the Vampire, but also protected our cattle, preserved our way of life, and even made Stevin more tolerable. Tolerable enough that I might consider ignoring his attempts to court my daughter.”

  Oh fuck. Please don’t tell me it’s the same woman…

  “Forgive me,” I muttered, “But out of curiosity… how many daughters do you have?”

  “Two, of course,” the Chief replied. “My sons are elsewhere at the moment.”

  Thank God. For a moment, I feared Stevin had set his eyes on that flirty grandma.

  “Don’t worry, my friend,” he grinned. “I know about the deal you made with Airina. While I can’t give full approval yet, I’ve allowed her to accompany you for a while. If something happens between the two of you… Well, haha, who are we to stand in the way of the Gods?”

  HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SOLDIER!

  What in Jesus’s holy name is this pointy-eared, handsome fossil talking about?

  “Chief,” I said, completely lost. “I’m not sure what you mean. I didn’t make any deal with her except agreeing to help you with the Vampire.”

  “She said she offered herself to you as a reward, and you accepted shortly after,” he explained, frowning.

  Take that frown, double it, staple it to my face, and it still wouldn’t match how confused I was.

  “But that sounded like a joke,” I said. “Who in their right mind would take that offer seriously?”

  “Then why did you accept it?” one of the naked women asked, far too amused.

  “I had just been imprisoned for no crime,” I sighed, turning toward her. “And given a task to kill my own kin, which was somehow supposed to prove my innocence. Forgive me for not paying attention to whatever my captor was muttering while I was busy calculating my odds of survival, or deciding whether I should just kill all of you instead and walk away.”

  That shut them up.

  The four elves went still, the memory snapping back into place, the one they had oh-so-conveniently forgotten.

  In their minds, I was still a dangerous creature. And my words just now had more or less confirmed it.

  How was I supposed to convince anyone I wasn’t a Vampire anymore, when I was literally carrying one’s shadow on my back at this very moment?

  But hey, the running joke had to end at some point, no?

  “Un-unfortunately, Elven promises are always kept,” the Chief stuttered as he rose to his feet. “We cannot take her back now. But I promise you, Y-Your Grace, she will not be a liability to your Greatness.”

  What’s with the sudden switch-up, dude? Just get me out of this place, please.

  “Whatever,” I muttered, shaking my head. “What about the other rewards?”

  A grin bloomed on the panicking elf’s face, his earlier sheepishness vanishing in seconds, right back to his usual self.

  “Come with me,” he said.

  And so, with a raging priestess at my left, a hormonal, annoying teenage Earth Dancer at my right, a grinning old elven lady leading the way, a Cataclysmic-level Vampire tucked between my clothes in shadow form, a sassy voice living rent-free in my head, and every supply and gold the elves could spare, we made our way through the forest toward my next Directive.

  May my beautiful Julia protect my thoroughly exhausted soul.

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