How did I end up here? I had such a cushy gig back at the company. I was an office cat, well technically I am voidspawn, but right now I was feline. It was the form I most enjoyed and would probably stay like this until I got banished back to the void. There were ways to banish me. I was pretty sure I am demonic by most mortal standards. Or eldritch as I am pretty sure HP Lovecraft met someone famous from back home.

  But instead of my keyboard, central heating and cushy lifestyle back in the office. I was no longer an office cat; now I was a battle cat. Wading through armies of monsters and slaying them all with my void powers. I will admit I looked cool, but this was such a hassle. I would much prefer lying in front of a good computer, belly full of tuna and sleeping happily.

  "What is that thing?!" one of the dog people yelled to his friend.

  "It's that monster!" another pointed a claw at me.

  They were so noisy and rude; I wasn't a monster. I was a fluffy and cuddly cat; they were monsters. I could tell just from their smell. Those filthy canines should leave my sight, or I will destroy them in my wrath.

  "Bring the mage, kill it!" the first doggy barked.

  What was a mage again? Oh yeah, the one that throws fireballs and sets taverns on fire. Or was that the wizard? I am pretty sure I remember Joey arguing with someone about the difference between mages and wizards. My musing took a backseat as a robed dog person arrived, wielding a glowing wand. It looked scared; it smelled scared; however, its fear lasted only for a moment before its wand glowed red. A small gout of flame spewed from the tip, condensing into a sphere of fire. That was indeed a fireball. Did that mean he was a wizard after all?

  "Kill it!" another yelled, really keen on killing me.

  "Assholes." I muttered as the fire leapt from his wand.

  Rolling my eyes at how unbearably slow the spell was. I just casually stop existing, vanishing from sight. No doubt they looked really stupid after shooting their shot. And I was just chilling in the realm of nonexistence, happily not existing. Now it was really difficult to describe this place since it doesn't exist. The closest description would be a sheer absence of anything real. Only my will remained. Being of the void, I could endure even the end of the universe. Not because I was exceptionally powerful; no doubt a powerful spell or the hand of the divine could kill me. But very few entities could get me here.

  I could remain here for an eternity, as not even time existed. Pondering my future and using as much time as I needed. It was a bad idea to linger for too long. Since it was extremely comfortable not existing and many of my kind decided to just stay. Fading from the physical world and never coming back. I would not be that kind of voidspawn. And so in that fashion I returned. Manifesting on the wizard's shoulder just as the fireball collided with nothing. The glee on their faces as the wizard's fireball decimated their supposed victim was a little creepy. But in the spirit of camaraderie, I wanted to get in on the action.

  "Did you get him?" I whispered.

  "Yes, I think we got him," the machete-wielding dogman said.

  "I didn't get any experience points." The wizard frowned.

  "Probably means he escaped." I shook my head.

  That was when the magic dude turned his snout to me, eyes went wide as he finally realised there was a cat on his shoulder. I sat prim and proper as one feline should. Giving him a brief nod before a formal void greeting.

  "May entropy bless your form," I greeted the mortal as I would any denizen of the void.

  Unfortunately, I spoke in the native language of our people, and mortals had difficulty with it. Not sure why though, it was just pure entropy condensed into the vocal range, nothing special. A typical conversation between us void dwellers. But every time I used my native tongue, it shattered their minds with bleeding eyes and screaming. Like right now with the wizard clawing at his ears, desperately trying to remove something from his head.

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  Deciding on my next strategy, I just started existing over here and then over there. Oh yes, I love existing over there; that's a cool place. Existing was fun when we could exist here and then there. I had so much fun existing. Oh, that place is wicked; let's exist there too. On every shoulder I existed upon, I greeted every single doggy with a formal greeting.

  "Hello."

  "Greetings from the void."

  "How about that void, cool, huh?"

  "Salutations from the event horizon."

  "I am Jeremy!"

  "I know Cthulhu; he's a buddy of mine."

  And as expected, every single word left these poor souls a jabbering mess. A few just clawed their way onto their scalps. Some fell to the ground, mouths foaming, speaking in tongues. However, not a single one of these pathetic dogs even survived a second of my incredibly welcoming greeting. They are nothing like Joey; he could listen to the void prattle on for three full minutes before getting a headache. Also, the undead person seemed unaffected, so I wondered why. Might chat with him later.

  After the last doggy was drooling in the sands, I just made way through the litany of mad pieces of meat to sit and ponder my next move. Joey was in trouble, that vampire was chasing after him. I could see the two flashing around the battlefield. However, getting to them was tricky. Even with my little movement trick, they would just speed away the moment I arrived. As I was considering this, I noticed the gaze of several figures.

  Stopping their battle, both sides eyed me warily. With their tails between their legs, the remaining doggies backed away. Different expressions were on the gargoyle and the dead man, however. With wide, shocked eyes, the gargoyle looked at me. The dead man seemed unfazed and almost smiling. The ghosts just stood vigil, ready to launch an attack.

  "What?" I asked the assembled people.

  They all looked away sheepish and unwilling to meet my gaze, except for the dead ones; they were pretty chill, as Joey would say. Good, they know not to defy their feline god; perhaps this is how the Egyptian goddess Bastet felt when the mortals gave the goddess her due. Not that I was anywhere near godhood. Void Gods were rare, but some existed. In one form or another. Since we of the void were weird even by the standards of the gods.

  But I was wasting time; I needed to help Joe. Thinking up a plan quickly, I tried a few probing jumps. Swiftly, I stopped existing, barely dwelling in the space between reality and unreality long enough to chat with the other not-real things. Existing again, I found myself just shy of the passing speedsters. This process repeated several times with constant near misses. I doubted either of them noticed me, given how slowly I moved.

  Frustration just mounted every time I nearly caught these crazy kids. I was a pretty chill cat and even a chill void dweller. But sometimes, doing stuff repeatedly made me a little nuts. It was the repetition I liked, when stuff worked out. However, they rarely did in this crazy realm of material matter.

  "Can you slow down, assholes!" That was a mistake, as the assholes indeed slowed down.

  Specifically, the vampire that exited that blur and looked around, sighting on to me with a savage grin. Fangs bared, blood-soaked lips and a feral look in his eye. He looked like he was going to eat me. I don't want him to eat me since no one has ever eaten me. Although he seemed like the type not to give people choices.

  "What do we have here?" The vampire glared down at me. One moment he was at a distance; the next he was atop me. "You're his cat. I wonder what you taste like."

  Before I could even react, his clawed hands were upon me, digging into flesh and dragging me to his mouth. The pain was excruciating, and I tried to stop existing. But it's hard to see yourself as a nonexistent entity when it hurts so much. Pain I have noticed solidifies my quasi-existence. How can I remove this?! Pain was such an inconvenient byproduct of physical reality. Maybe I should assume a form that didn't have pain receptors?

  "Get off me, leech!" I cursed.

  "I don't normally eat animals, but I need a pick me up." Flashing fangs, he went straight for my throat.

  Claws digging into my fur, I yelped and scratched, but no matter how hard I struggled, I couldn't resist, and it hurt so much. Desperately trying to become unreal, but the pain kept me grounded. With no options, I screamed obscenities in my native tongue. Not exactly my finest moment, but it hurt so badly that I needed to vent it all. Right into this prick's face.

  "Leech! Blood eater! Tainted blood! Parasite! Fell immortal!" I cursed with every vampire curse I could remember.

  As my devastating language fell from my lips, the pain intensified. Crimson eyes wide, the vampire screamed in pain and rage. No doubt the insanity was gnawing at his brain like a parasite digging into his skull. At least, that's how Joey described it in the early days. This vampire was unprotected by my words.

  "Let go of my cat!" A familiar voice screamed from the side as a blur barrelled into the vampire at full tilt.

  We all went flying as a coffee brain thought it was a brilliant idea to run at us full speed with no sign of stopping. The world spun; one moment down was up and up was down. I will admit I screeched loudly as I flew and slammed into something soft and shifting. Probably in the sand, I had sand. I hated as much as the guy from the sand world.

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