Han's heart was pounding; it had all seemed too real. He checked the sheets, but there was no evidence of the night before. How was it that he was naked?

  Confused but hungry, he went to the washroom to relieve himself and there found his clothes. They smelled strongly of rose petals and soap, folded with care. Badb must have stripped him, washed them, and left them here. How could he have not awakened through all that? What else did she do?

  His face flushed thinking how similar Badb was to Mars. Although shorter, with a slightly smaller chest, most other aspects were the same; from the color of hair, the color of skin, to the shape of their lips. Han checked himself for any marks; she had dug her nails in deep, but there was nothing. His face burned with confusion.

  “This place is going to kill me,” he muttered, scrambling into his trousers and shirt.

  He cautiously stepped into the main room and froze.

  Elea stood at the kitchen window, spooning dark, glistening blood pudding to Hebe. The tall eagle-woman leaned in, wings spread across the outside of the window, tongue licking the spoon before her lips closed around it. Elea’s fingers caressed her face while they softly kissed and giggled intimately, unhurried.

  Han wanted to tell them to get a room, but there was only one, and Elea wouldn't fit in it, let alone Hebe. But he really didn't need this right now. Things were already surreal enough, but at least they were distracted.

  Han needed answers, but Badb was outside picking flowers.

  Oshun sat in her chair, eyes closed, rapid eye movements flickering beneath the lids. A faint golden glow pulsed around her head, like she was in divine communication.

  Badb spotted him through the window and her face lit up. She quickly came inside to greet him, placing the flowers on the kitchen table.

  She wore a short green silk dress, the deep V neckline plunging between her breasts. She was hauntingly beautiful, and it seemed her life goal was to tease him.

  She rushed over and wrapped him in a hug that pressed every soft curve against him. The scent of night-blooming flowers flooded his senses once again, clouding his judgment and distracting him from his agenda.

  “Good morning, sleepy hero,” she murmured against his ear.

  Han’s arms came up automatically to embrace her back, but he quickly cleared his head and focused on clearing his confusion.

  With his voice low and urgent, he asked, “Did you… take my clothes off last night?”

  Badb pulled back just enough to meet his eyes, her smile innocent and wicked at the same time.

  “Of course, silly. How else could I wash them properly? It’s my job as your attendant.” Her voice dropped, eyes checking the others. “If I didn’t, I’d be punished.”

  Han pushed that excuse aside and got to the real question. “After your bath…”

  But Oshun's eyes snapped open and she stood up so quickly she knocked the bowl of fruit onto the floor. The room stilled.

  Her voice was commanding, layered with an echo that vibrated in Han’s bones and knocked dust free from the rafters. “The goddess is displeased with us.”

  It was the longest sentence he’d ever heard from her.

  “Nothing but Realm, Race & Appearance... in all this time... is unacceptable!”

  Hebe and Elea exchanged glances. Elea scoffed lightly, traced a finger along one of Hebe’s feathers. Hebe leaned into it with a smirk, and their lips resumed their embrace.

  The sky darkened in seconds. Thunder shook the ground, and a bolt of lightning split a large tree in half outside the window.

  Both women straightened instantly. Flirtation vanished. Elea turned back to the kitchen with hurried focus; Hebe quickly flew off to gather more food.

  Badb went pale. Real fear flashed in her eyes. She dropped to her knees at Oshun’s feet, voice trembling. “Please, Mistress, I'm sorry I failed you! It’s my fault!”

  Han stepped forward, placed a firm hand on Badb’s shoulder, steadying her as if shielding her. His glare locked on Oshun.

  Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

  “Tell that bitch I’m taking my time,” he said, voice low and hard. “This is my life. If it can’t be how I want it, just kill me now and save us all the trouble.”

  Silence swallowed the room.

  Oshun tilted her head. Then, flatly: “Sit.”

  Two chairs slid away from the table as the glow in her eyes faded. Oshun pushed the 3R’s book across the table.

  Han helped Badb to her feet, and they sat as instructed. The mood was thick and heavy.

  Elea crossed from the kitchen without a word and set a plate of hot food and a steaming mug of something spicy-sweet in front of him. Comfort in liquid form. Han nodded thanks. She seemed warmer to him, or perhaps her act was more sincere and polished.

  He opened the book to where he'd left off, keen to at least move the process forward to keep Badb from being punished.

  Badb leaned over, suggesting a few things. Han wanted to suggest a change of clothes; she was far too distracting. But if he told her to change, she'd probably do it right here in front of everyone.

  He tried to focus, and the drink seemed to help.

  After a few more moments, Han had made another decision.

  “Magic-user / Cleric / Fighter,” Han said, filling in the black spot in the tome with a quill and ink that Badb had retrieved from a cupboard by the door.

  Oshun: “Fighter / Magic-User / Cleric is the correct…”

  Han stopped her. “No.” He argued; his order matched more accurately the hybrid character he envisioned. Versatile. Adaptive.

  Oshun stared a moment. Lost in divine communication. “Granted.”

  The words hit the table like a judge’s gavel. Sharp. Final.

  Already the rules had begun to bend, and Han wanted to break them.

  Badb’s eyes sparkled. “With the heroic champion baseline. You get a generous stat and skill point pool to spend. Plus access to heroic skills others don't get!”

  Han quickly tested the waters. “Is there something above heroic?”

  Badb smiled and nodded eagerly, whispering in his ear.

  Han looked straight at Oshun. “Make me a Legendary Champion.”

  Oshun was processing the request for a good amount of time. The goddess was getting annoyed at having to answer mundane questions relentlessly and approve things she considered insignificant. In a meeting with the other gods, she had made it clear she had left them in charge of things. Approve him and get rid of him as quickly as possible. The command rang in Oshun's ears like a gunshot.

  “Granted.”

  Badb grinned, voice excited. “That's great! Congrats! You now get access to Legendary skills and have even more points to spend! Also, now you can invent new skills or traits not in the rules, and you get it free, plus two bonus points.”

  Han sat thinking a moment and countered, asking, “What if I invent something new that I don't want?”

  The question was confusing, even for Badb, and they turned to Oshun to await an answer.

  Oshun, responded, “Only one bonus point.”

  Han started thinking, not even looking at the book. Picturing his ideal powers.

  “I want to be able to bend and shape earth and stone at will.”

  Badb's eyes widened, but she was having fun. She had never been involved with someone like this before.

  Oshun responded, “Spell-like ability. Badb, explain.”

  Badb pointed out that spell-likes cost a lot of points. The higher the spell, the more they cost to have as skills. But restrictions could lower the cost or massively increase power. Or even both.

  She gave an example: the heroic skill "speed" was ruinously expensive, but with a 50% fail chance, a one-hour cooldown, and a limit of three times per day? It was not only cheap but buffed to "Super-Speed," although obviously not very useful.

  Han was reading up on magic and all the various schools of magic, and what each specialized in. He wanted to lean heavily into this aspect for his character.

  “I will specialize in the elemental school of magic.”

  Badb chuckled a bit. “Sorry, Han, but only pure mages can do that.”

  Han's face turned serious as he turned to Oshun, staring, waiting.

  Oshun: “Granted.”

  Badb laughed. “Ok then.” She leaned closer, whispering other possible exploits.

  They poured over the skills, spells, and traits.

  Han found the trait "Lucky" and selected it, although it seems to count as two. He'd always wanted to be "Charming," so he picked that too.

  Badb pointed out that for every two good traits you got, you were forced to select a bad trait, but it didn't cost you any points. However, you could cancel that bad trait by spending an extra point.

  Han quickly decided he didn't want any of the bad traits, whatever the cost. "Knowledgeable" looked very good after reading it, and somehow he'd earned the traits "Relentless" and "Wild" for free. He couldn't unselect them and didn't think much of it.

  Han floated the next idea. “What about a spell-like forcefield… but only activates when I level up? For only a limited amount of time.”

  Badb’s eyes widened. “That’s a massive restriction. I'm sure it would become an inherent skill and probably increase its power too.”

  Han added: “What if it also prevented sexual contact with anyone without their permission? Even kissing.”

  Oshun: “Minor bonus effect.”

  Han’s mind started racing. More restrictions. Compound them. Twist the system until it screamed.

  Badb matched his energy, suggesting combinations, counters, loopholes.

  His clerical spells would now come from magic, not some divine being, and he'd have no divine powers or communications. His mana pool more than doubled just on that one approval.

  Exploits kept coming. The rules slowly bent, until quietly they were broken.

  Oshun's blank face remained oblivious to the compounding problems she was creating.

  Han and Badb theory-crafted deep into the night. Eventually the others drifted off to bed. Hebe to her roof nest, Elea to her kitchen corner. Oshun even got up finally to stretch and check on Hebe, who was thrashing around from nightmares.

  Han leaned close to Badb, voice barely above a whisper. “Badb… what happened after you finished your bath last night?”

  She turned; their eyes met. No shame. Only that knowing, devious smile. She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, her tongue caressing his with the faint spices of the mead.

  “I crawled into bed,” she said.

  Han froze. The realization hit like cold water and hot at the same time. It wasn’t just a dream he thought, or maybe some was.

  "Everything happened," she added. "And it was amazing." Badb’s smile stayed, unapologetic. "I'm a bad Badb girl," she purred, batting her evil eyes. "You can punish me again later."