Name: Koko
Species: ?Idol?
Position: Maid (2nd Rank)
Title: “The Cutest Catastrophe Alive! ????”
Performance Overview: Koko doesn’t work—she shines. Every mop is a microphone. Every spilled drink is a dramatic stage cue. Every coworker is a captive audience member (“Ganbatte, Senpai~!”) whether they’re clapping or crying. Whenever she's asked to do a task, her answer is: “☆ Hai, master~! I’ll totally sparkle it up!!... Uhh, what was I doing again? Teehee~! ☆”
Strengths: Weaponized moe. Eye contact causes lightheadedness in weaker staff.
Commands a terrifyingly loyal fanbase. (Possibly hallucinated. Still dangerous.)
Sings at ultrasonic frequencies. Vaporized a grease stain once. Also a microwave.
Distracted a health inspector with a full choreographed routine. They left crying.
Weaknesses: Doesn’t know how to do laundry. Thinks detergent is for drinking.
Refers to chores as “side quests.” Doesn’t complete them. Once handed out “love letters” that were just contracts to attend her fan meet.
Notes from Management: Nobody knows who hired her. Nobody has the guts to tell her she isn’t technically employed. Himeko has allegedly attempted to fire her 6 times. Each time, Koko just hugged her and called her “Himeko-senpai~” until she forgot why she was mad. She has won “Employee of the Month” 12 times. Every vote was hers.
Coworker Interactions:
Enma: Calls Koko “the pink menace.” Koko calls her “En-tan~! ??” and gives her forehead kisses before running. Survived a full flamethrower blast by tripping into a pile of oven mitts. Miren: Koko tried to form a “duo idol group” called KokoMire?.
Miren responded by staring directly into her soul. Koko called it “a total yes~!”
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Nozomi: Nozomi pretends to sleep when Koko enters the room. Koko calls her “Zomi-senpai~” and monologues to her anyway. This seems to be working. Somehow.
Amaranth: Tried to exorcise Koko. Koko clapped, gave her a flower crown, and said, “Thanks for the light show, Angel-senpai~!” Amaranth has been quiet ever since.
Xyntra: Believes Koko is a celestial chaos entity in disguise. Koko believes Xyntra is her secret manager. Nobody has corrected either of them.
Employee Goal: “To become the #1 cutest maid idol in the multiverse~!! ?? And maybe clean a little… if someone really cool like Senpai is watching! ☆”
[ARC: THE HOUSE] // CH.06: LUST [Koko]
Isoka. I need a raise.
Today I got assigned to Koko.
I say “assigned,” but there was no formal notice. I just woke up to find her standing next to my bed holding a clipboard covered in heart stickers and saying, “It’s totally our big day, Isoka-chan~!”
I didn’t ask how she got into my room. I already knew it wouldn’t help.
She calls me “Senpai.”
No one has ever called me that before. It makes me uncomfortable. Which is probably why she keeps doing it.
“Ready for our cleaning collab~?” she asked, spinning in a circle and almost hitting herself with her own mop.
“Are we actually cleaning today?”
“Umm… sure! I brought snacks!”
She handed me a sparkly candy labeled “idol energy supplement.” I didn’t eat it. I value my brain cells.
Koko doesn’t clean. She performs. Every task is a concert, every stain a tragic backstory, every broom her co-star.
She narrated our entire shift like we were in an anime opening.
“Koko-chan enters the scene, sparkling with cuteness! Senpai looks away, flustered, but secretly impressed~!”
“Please stop narrating.”
“Senpai~! That’s your line~!”
“It’s not.”
“Such a tsundere… I love it!! ??”
She then tried to mop using two microphone stands and a string of holiday lights. Somehow it worked? The floor was clean. The walls were sticky. I don't want to talk about it.
Halfway through the day, she declared a “mid-shift fan meeting.” There were no fans present. That didn’t stop her.
She made me hold a paper towel as a pretend autograph book. Then she winked, handed me a plastic tiara, and said:
“You’re my number one supporter now, Senpai~! Don’t let the haters get you down, okay?”
“…What haters?”
“Reality! Responsibilities! Anyone who says you’re not sparkly enough!”
I… didn’t know how to respond. So I just nodded and backed away slowly.
Later, I tried to take a break. She followed me into the storage closet.
“I wrote a song about us! It’s called 'HYPER MEGA ULTRA LOVE' Want to hear it~?”
“No.”
“Here’s the first verse anyway~!”
She sang. I blacked out. When I came to, the room smelled like strawberries and my mop had googly eyes.
End of Day Six. I didn’t do any actual cleaning. Neither did she. Somehow our report says we completed everything.
Koko said she “manifested it with sparkle points.” I don’t know what that means. I’m afraid to ask.
She gave me a sticker on the way out that says “#1 Emotional Support Senpai ??”
I’m… keeping it.
I don’t know what’s happening to me.