Name: Nozomi
Species: Human
Position: Maid (6th Rank)
Title: "The Break Room Cryptid"
Performance Overview: Nozomi has maintained a consistent work ethic of doing absolutely nothing, yet somehow continues to receive “acceptable” performance reviews—likely due to the fact that no one has actually seen her conscious long enough to reprimand her. Her productivity is in a quantum state: it cannot be measured unless observed, and she bites if observed for too long.
Strengths: Completely unbothered by chaos (was once found napping in the middle of a kitchen fire).
Immune to Enma’s threats (slept through a death glare, a literal dagger, and a small explosion).
Somehow always knows where the snacks are.
Weaknesses: Has not completed a full task since being hired.
Refuses to stand unless absolutely necessary.
Sleeps with her eyes open, making HR assessments… complicated.
Once put herself on break during a break.
Notes from Management: Attempts to discipline Nozomi are often met with sleepy thumbs-up gestures or complete non-response.
When asked what she contributes to the team, she shrugged, rolled over, and muttered something about “emotional balance.”
Himeko allows her continued employment for unknown reasons. Possibly for contrast. Possibly because Nozomi hasn’t left the premises in six months.
Coworker Interactions: Enma has tried to kill her multiple times. Nozomi remains oblivious.
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Koko calls her “big sister energy” despite Nozomi being emotionally unavailable at best.
Amaranth once asked Nozomi to help with dishes. The request was never acknowledged.
Himeko has been seen handing Nozomi coffee with a resigned sigh. May secretly relate to her.
Employee Goal: Quote from Nozomi’s last self-evaluation (scribbled on a napkin): "I’m not lazy. I’m energy efficient. Also, please stop scheduling meetings before 4 PM."
[ARC: THE HOUSE] // CH.02: SLOTH [Nozomi]
Isoka, again. I’m not dead, yet...
So I got reassigned.
Apparently Enma “doesn’t need supervision anymore,” which is rich, considering she lit a ceiling fan on fire yesterday and claimed it was “a metaphor.” I didn’t ask for clarification.
My new assignment? Nozomi. Her title in the system is “Break Room Cryptid,” and no one seems to be joking.
I thought it’d be a nice change of pace.
I was wrong.
I found her exactly where they said she’d be: lying across three chairs in the break room, wrapped in a blanket that wasn’t issued by the House and sipping from a juice box that definitely came from a guest minibar.
She didn’t look up when I entered.
“Hi,” I tried.
She blinked slowly. That was it. No words.
“I’ve been assigned to assist you today.”
“…don’t,” she mumbled. Then she rolled over and fell asleep mid-sip.
Ten minutes later, I tried again.
I had a checklist. A literal one. “Assigned chores for 6th Maid: Vacuuming East Hall, Sorting Silverware, Inventory Reconciliation (Break Room Fridge).”
She accomplished none of it. I don’t even think she heard me read it. At one point, I think she just phased out of reality. Like, I blinked, and she was on the floor, face down, arms crossed like a corpse in a murder mystery.
“You good?” I asked.
“Thinking,” she whispered.
“You’re drooling.”
“Deep thinking.”
Later that afternoon, Miren came in to get a snack. She stepped over Nozomi’s body like it was part of the furniture. Neither of them said a word. Then Miren looked at me and said:
“She’s always like this. Don’t fight it. Let it happen to you.”
Miren was carrying a jar of mayonnaise and a single spoon, so I decided not to engage.
Eventually I stopped trying to make Nozomi do anything. It’s not that she refused — she just absorbed the concept of effort and neutralized it. Like a sponge for ambition.
I went to check the fridge inventory myself. It was already done. Labeled. Cross-referenced. Color-coded. With a sticky note that read:
“You owe me for this. Don’t wake me for the next 72 hours. – N.”
She did it before I got here.
How? When? Why? I don’t know. I don’t want to know. I’m starting to think she exists outside of linear time. Like a slothful oracle that only moves when absolutely no one is watching.
Nozomi is still in the break room. I don’t know if she’s asleep, dead, or ascending.
I’ve started napping nearby just in case.
For research.