"Jebbie-ity jebbie!" the short woman said, getting off me and bowing, seemingly not noticing I’d just tried to attack her. She followed up with a curtsy and some more words I couldn't understand mixed in with what I thought was an apology but the AAI had a hard time translating someone speaking that quickly.
Language learning is my number 1 priority now beyond personal safety.
She tried to reach down to pick me up back onto my feet but was more hindrance than help so I lightly brushed her hands off me and tried to subtly do a valuables check. Nothing other than the knife seemed to be missing. Not carrying a money pouch seemed to be a good decision.
I reached out with my AAI.
[You are attempting to initiate a connection with another party. Verbal translation only yes/no; Status: temporary/permanent; duration: <37>/<73>/<110>/<146 minutes>]
I wasn't sure I’d done it right until I understood as she said, "SODUS!” The acceptance popped up just as she started yelling. “I totally forgot you don't know your
"Uh, can I help you? Other than helping you practice your tackling form of course. I'm going to guess you know a bit about me given you mentioned something about me not knowing everything…" I gave the girl – as I was quickly realizing she wasn't just a short woman and was probably 12-14 or so – what I hoped was a withering look.
Brightly, she chirped, "Yup! I am supposed to deliver these! Big bro Stanny said you needed these drained qi stones for something. I think it was about using some sodus-level tech if they take things like this. Maybe about your Cap? Only about 5 charge left in them according to him. Got my daddy to grab them and then they heard you were leaving and sent me to run them to you because I'm fast like the wind! Said," and she put on a gruff voice, "'you go find that big handsome lad leaving through the east gate and give him these.' You're going to Velez to meetup with Uncle Gabor, right? Tell him he owes me a better birthday present this year!"
She handed over a bag that contained three small rocks that glowed gently with a white electricity that occasionally flashed to a light blue.
"Ah, so you are Miklos' daughter. Got it. Well thank you for these," I said as I stored the bag in my ring.
Her eyes lit up and she jumped up and down, grabbing at her dress. "Holy jebbie-ing sodus, you have a jebbie-ing spatial storage ring!? That is so cool! Let me see!" Before I could even make a decision, she had my hand in hers.
Fast little excitable sodus.
"You know, you shouldn't let other people know about this or they'll try to take it off you. Hell, if I were higher than Tier 1.1, I might try something!" She let out a loud laugh and danced around, pointing everywhere and pretending to grab all that her greedy beady eyes could see.
Finally, as we were only about 60 feet (20m) outside the gate and making quite a ruckus, a guard approached. In an exasperated tone, he said, "Uh, you two are making quite a commotion. If this is some secret rendezvous, make it a bit more secret, you know? Right outside the gates is just amateur hour. Wait, Zora? Just what the… what is going on here?"
As he swung around and got me into view, his face darkened and he reached for his weapon. "What are you doing talking to a young, upstanding woman?!"
Upstanding?
"Oh hush now Marko, this isn't him. This is the newbie. Even I heard about him, surely big bro Stanny sent you a message. Anyway, you owe me new guy. Deliver my message to Uncle Gabor or else!" She gave a dramatic turn and pranced back towards the gates.
The guard looked into the far distance for a second, presumably checking his AAI. "Uh, sorry 'bout that. But you have to get out of the city anyway so best to just move along. If you are visiting Gabor, tell him Marko says hi. And that he owes me some of that maple syrup the make in Velez." Without waiting for a reply – which would have been awkward since I presumably couldn't connect with him via my AAI anyway – he walked back towards the guard house.
Getting out of the way of a cart with a woman driver yelling at me to not be an idiot, I started looking for the throwing knife that’d gone tumbling away from me, seeing it off to the side of the road.
"YARP!"
Another strange noise emanated from my chest area. Slowly, I realized that my bandolier would indeed help me find my lost daggers. But given the noise earlier, it also 'yarped' as a dagger left the 10ft (3m) range too…
So not a viable stealth option… great…
***
An hour of running towards the east and I wasn't a bit tired. The road was relatively well worn and even if I turned my ankle in a wagon track, it did absolutely nothing besides bleed my momentum and make me feel slightly embarrassed.
As I ran, I watched a few language learning videos. The first ones were really boring and were just a little too over-the-top in their reactions. I switched to the one Alena recommended: Darko Defeats his Drills. It was good for learning a few basic phrases over the remaining trip – it looked like there was tens of hours a content – though I was sure my pronunciation was garbage.
It was no Klee-pak.
After about 30 minutes, I shut it off and lost myself in the repetitive nature of running and started to process.
Is this really my life now? Why was I so quick to accept this? Is this really real? There hasn't been anything too crazy like there always is in a dream…
Will I really never see my family again? Sure, we're not on the best of terms but I still call a few times a month. What will they think happened to me?
At least I don't have to deal with that Karen at my latest client ever again. Heh, her name being Caren made it all the funnier.
What am I actually doing here? I geared up like I'm an adventurer? I know between jack and squat about any of this… I'll have to get myself up to speed.
And be more aware, that little shit could have stabbed me to death four times over before I even realized what was happening. Yeah, more aware—
I felt the blood trickling down my forehead from a claw scratch before I started to really process what occurred.
Faster than I would have expected, I drew my morningstar – with only two tugs to get it free – and got into what I hoped was a good stance.
A white and green bat with extremely sharp teeth and claws that was about three feet tall – and eight feet wide with the wingspan – swooped from the sky and managed to easily dodge my overhead swing, latching on to the open wound on my forehead and began sucking, draining a small amount of blood.
Scalp wounds are really hard to stop but at least they don't have that much blood. Right? Wait, anti-coagulation venom is a thing. Sodus…
Deciding against swinging my morningstar at my own face, I drew a throwing dagger with my left hand and sliced at its wing. It hissed as I made a small cut and took back to the air. I was down to one usable eye as the other was quickly covered with blood.
At least three more of the beasts were heading in my direction. I swatted at the one currently attacking me, fending it off for the moment but started trying to assess my situation.
As I began to panic, two people arrived. Neither were the hunter from earlier but both were dressed in similar garb, only lacking the silly hat. They started yelling at me but this time I could actually understand.
And I'm wearing pants! Improvements!
"Do not interfere with our kill! We have claim to these beasts!" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw one pull a wide-headed spear and shield from his back and open his mouth. A translucent red shimmering light emerged and hit two of the three closest vampire bats to them. They immediately screeched and dove for him.
Before I could see the conclusion, my bat was back to harangue me. I tried to do a feint with my morningstar – feints worked against the hipposaur – but wasn't used to swinging it just yet and overswung.
I still managed to raise my dagger in time to fend it off from latching again. It circled and squawked almost like a chicken, once again dive bombing for my head.
Dropping my knife to use my morningstar with two hands, I made an overhead swing with all my might, crunching directly into the monster's face, impaling it.
I shook it off the spiked weapon and gave it a few more smashes on the ground but I was pretty sure even just the initial strike killed it with a spike to the brain. A small trickle of energy entered my core but not nearly as much as Stannis and Liene told me to expect for a kill.
Oh yeah, when not in a rift, the essence disperses more quickly.
It felt slightly sluggish and dirty, which I assumed meant it was not null affinity essence. Still, it was progress and they said I could almost certainly absorb any affinity essence without any issues despite the discomfort.
Realizing I might still be in danger and saving my self back pats for later, I turned back towards where the fighters were mere seconds before.
I saw the woman on the ground over three green and white bodies, quickly butchering them and stuffing them into a bag. It wasn't a spatial item and despite cutting them up, the soon-to-be-disgusting bag was still going to be bigger than she was.
The man approached, looking extremely upset. "Just what the jebbie was that!" He looked down at the bat at my feet. "I said we had it and look at this! It's ours but you still owe us for destroying our kill. This won't sell at all with a smashed skull. You've tainted the meat!"
I held up a hand, knowing the drill. I sent a temporary AAI connection request to both of them. [Error, no AAI present in the vicinity. Try again?] After a second try, I figured I'd have to go the tablet route. As it materialized from storage, the look on his face made me realize I might have made a mistake.
"You have a spatial storage item," he said warily, reaching slightly for the tablet as if to snatch it. "I don't recognize you, who are you?"
At least someone who doesn't know Cornelius. Is that good or bad here? Go xianxia or timid?
I pointed to the tablet and my words started to appear on the screen. "I am a noble's son visiting the area and am under their watchful eye via my AAI. I was attacked after you lost containment. I owe you nothing." Injecting more venom into my words, I said, "And I won't have you delaying me further. I have important business with the guard in Velez. I just sent a picture of you both to my contact there."
The man looked thoughtful and blanched slightly when I mentioned Velez.
Jebbie, I hope AAIs actually can take pictures. Or if they can't, that they don't know that.
Just then, the woman walked over. "Why are you talking funny? You jebbie'd up our kill you son of a horse's
I think ass is sickna?
The two walked off a ways and whispered. Only a few words were audible, most were likely swears as they weren't translated but finally she turned back to me, a look of loathing on her face.
"As stated by local law, the kill is ours. Should you like to dispute this, we may go to the arbiter in Zalano. Elsewise, I recommend you be on your way. There are many dangers out here that might catch you unaware, especially an attack from behind… my lord." The last part was spat with a venom I’d rarely seen matched, even by the university communists group when talking to, well, just about anyone else.
The anarchists were somehow the nicest group on campus though.
Isekonsultant survival tip #2: When some makes a pretty clear threat on your life and has the power to back it up, take it seriously. The adage of 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them' exists for a reason. Use animal survival rules and live to fight another day.
I didn't want the blood – tinged with glowing green streaks – fouling up my storage ring anyway so I pretended to consider it before nodding and backing up towards Velez, keeping an eye on them. Slipping but not falling in a puddle of blood, I tried to regain my composure but thought my ‘intimidation check’ was probably a fail.
Support creative writers by reading their stories on Royal Road, not stolen versions.
Once I was out of sight as I crested a hill in the road, I ran my full speed for at least 15 minutes, completely depleting my stamina. I considered hiding off to the side of the road but figured the hunters probably had something better to do. And it didn't sound like they wanted to go to Velez.
***
Oranges, pinks, and purples created a beautiful backdrop to a somewhat ramshackle city. The walls seemed to be cobbled together into a magically-reinforced conglomerate made of any material: stone, brick, wood, possibly clay, and even some large monster bones.
The guards were on alert, which I was hoping was because both they were expecting me and were, well, 'on guard' and competent.
The armor was far less fancy and more used than in Zalano but it looked well cared for at least. Still, seeing the mismatched gear made me wince slightly.
I guess this really is the boonies.
I waved and used my best attempt at pronunciation from Darko Defeats his Drills.
"Hi, you were of knowing I am the come," is at least what I tried to pronounce, based on the words I used. My AAI live-translated for myself and not only did I murder their language but I also apparently said something a bit more foul.
However, the two men wielding spears just chuckled and opened the locked gates.
"We were expecting you. I am Gabor, you spoke briefly with my brother Miklos today. He said you would be coming… well equipped." He threw a giant wink and used an elbow nudge to the open space around him. 'Sodus-eating grin' probably didn't cover it.
Normally, I would have blushed at the topic but it was hard to be care when I had feared for my life at least twice, and possibly several more times, during the day.
Hipposaur and vampire bat were both a definite yes. Probably not during the squirrel encounter, probably when Zora crashed into me, and almost certainly when the hunters were rather threatening. Maybe to Iveta in the awakening center too? Myriam was scary but not threatening.
I sent an AAI request to Gabor and he rejected it immediately. Looking at him confusedly, he simply responded, "You are going to be here for a while. Make it permanent. You can always revoke it later. And don't be a
Something like 'kurac' is dick or a swearword for a jerk?
He strode forward and laid his hand on my shoulder. I quickly amended my AAI request and sent it to both people, getting an acceptance acknowledgement quickly.
Both guards felt more powerful than the hunters but slightly less than Stannis. I realized I was going to need to figure out what certain feelings equated to in terms of power. But that was for another day.
"You look tired and are still bleeding a bit. Let's get you to the inn and get some food in you and a place to rest. I assume you weren't a kurac of a donkey and saved enough money for a few days at the inn?" Gabor was leading me through the gates, hand still on my shoulder.
"Oh, your kurac of a niece, Zora, said you owe her a better birthday present this year," I said, remembering to deliver my message.
Gabor suddenly stopped and looked at me aghast. "What did you just say about my niece?"
Isekonsultant survival tip #3: Don't insult the family of the only man in town who has agreed to help you. Especially if he could cut you in half.
I raised my hands to apologize.
"That little sodus! I swear, I brought her the finest dress that old Sofia could make – with the frills and everything like the picture she sent me – and this is how I get thanked. A second-hand message insult! I am going to give that girl the noogie of a lifetime the next time I see her." We had to stop because he started laughing too hard and was miming digging his knuckles into her head.
After adjusting his hand up a bit and smiling, I said, "I think she's hit a growth spurt, she was a bit taller. But more than anything, you need to teach her proper behavior. Not the potty mouth, that was pretty funny. But she bowled me… she ran into me and I thought she was sent to kill me so I almost pulled a weapon on her. I figured it was something about Cornelius or whatever."
I had stopped myself from admitting a small girl knocked me over. Was it not providing information about how weak I was comparatively or was it pride?
Probably a mix of both.
A sour look washed across his face. "Yes, she is a little too sheltered. There is a reason we call Miklos city boy. And he is raising his daughter to be the same. Sheltered. Not ready for the real world. Especially when sodus like this null zone happens."
After a brief pause, he hiked a smile back up onto his face. "Still, there will be time to talk sodus about my brother later! For now, let's get you to that inn. They have some bandages and their roast bat is to die for!" He did a little merry jig seemingly at the mere thought of it.
Slipping his arm through mine, he led me to the inn.
It was a homey two story building of white accented with red bricks and some exposed logs used as beams. The sign read, as translated by my AAI, ‘The Heavenly Rest and Vana’s Victuals’.
As we were separating so I could get settled in the inn, Gabor turned around. "Oh, and don't drink from the well that's outside, go to one at least six blocks from here. Someone has decided to dispose of their personal refuse in there."
Well shitter.
***
Apparently Stannis was also, as Alena had called him, a city boy. Instead of the ten silver per day he'd expected, it was more like four silver. So I had 240 days’ worth of capital on hand.
Better to have too much money rather than too little.
Isekonsultant survival tip #3 (overwrite): City folk don't know sodus about anything outside the city. Talk with as many people as possible to get the picture from multiple angles as likely, most won't have a complete idea of how the world operates in smaller areas.
That was similar to a rule in my old survival guide.
Consultant survival tip #16: Those at the top don't understand almost any of what actually goes on below them. Whether that is willful ignorance or just communication problems at scale is always something to dig into. Though similarly, those lower in the organization chart really only have visibility into a small area of the company. Speak with many people at multiple levels of the organization to get the broader perspective of what's happening.
After a brief bath and the innkeeper – a comely woman unsurprisingly named Vana – had run out to buy me some backup clothes to wear while she cleaned the ones with blood and bat secretions, I was eating dinner with Gabor in the spacious common room of the inn. It was a few minutes before I calmed enough to enjoy his company: how the jebbie had I forgotten to put clothes on my list of essentials? What else did I forget?
The pleasing scent of the roast bat wafted from Gabor's plate, slightly earthy and medicinal undertones like a nettle soup combined with something that smelled like just slightly gamey chicken.
After my earlier run-in, I’d chosen a pork stew with roast vegetables. They were under seasoned and I realized that was likely to be something I'd miss greatly from my old life.
Altering Trade Federation plans to include the spice trade. Sans the awfulness of Earth's early spice trade please.
Still, it was a rather enjoyable meal, especially with the mug of ale that tasted slightly sweet and paired well especially with the vegetables.
I asked a significant number of questions about cultivation and skills.
Yes, another question avalanche…
"I mean, I could tell you but my wife says I am 'the worst explainer of all time', so I'd prefer to push you to better teachers if that's acceptable. As soon as Miklos informed me of your situation – luckily I know enough about Cornelius because that is now apparently a state secret, even one I can't divulge since I served the crown – so I knew you wouldn't know sodus about sodus. You're just a mewling little babe, looking to suckle at the teat of knowledge." He laughed then made a face like he was going to imitate suckling.
Thankfully, Vana interrupted him. "You absolutely bizarre degenerate, I love you like my own daughter and probably more than my own son, but try not to put the other customers off their appetites? Things have been tough around here lately. That said, your meal is on the house since you brought me someone who prepaid for a month!" She pulled three mugs from behind her back – how the hell didn't I notice that? – and we cheersed to her good fortune.
She was wearing something that looked a bit like what I thought the female servers at Octoberfest wore with a rather plunging neckline and a short pleated skirt. It was not what I expected of an innkeeper but it did give her a sense of vibrancy that I rarely got when staying at a Bed and Breakfast with a girlfriend on our 'trial first away trip' that always seemed to go awry.
She seemed to stop and greet every customer, genuinely enjoying her job.
"For the land gives to us and we give in return," both Vana and Gabor said simultaneously.
"Is that a traditional cheers or something?" I asked. Vana gave me a disappointed look.
"And you, handsome boy, I know a bit about your background but you have to learn the damn language. Not all of us were ex-military or delvers and have AAI chips. But I can guess at the question and yes, Gabor has the most noxious farts you've ever smelled." Chuckling at her own joke, she twirled her skirts in a 540 degree turn, stalking off to talk to another table before I could even react.
But she has an AAI. She accepted my request. I shook my head in confusion, looking back to a smiling Gabor.
"She's right you know."
"About which part."
"Both," Gabor said solemnly. Then burst into a laugh so loud, all the noise died down as everyone stared.
"One more and the meal is off the house!" Vana hollered over and then bent back down, merrily chatting with a rosy-cheeked woman.
"Anyway, back to your questions. I've got a surprise for you tomorrow. I got permission from the captain to take you around for the day so you don't cause trouble, whether by your own hand or merely circumstances. Should be educational. And fun!"
I expected to be up all night with worry but my worn-out body won out over mind and I fell dead asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
***
Gabor was about 75% correct.
It certainly was educational.
And some of it was certainly fun.
But getting disarmed in sparring practice by a six year old girl that barely came to my waist was rather embarrassing. I wanted to pretend I was above the fact it was a girl but, well, I apparently wasn't. Maybe it was the screaming and jumping up and down when it happened.
At sunrise, Gabor pounded on my door until I opened and tried to physically drag me out. I got dressed and he took me around and showed me what he deemed the major spots in town.
Velez had about 33,000 people but had ballooned in size recently as people fled the quickly deteriorating null zone.
Gabor explained, “Many smaller villages and towns have seen a large influx of people. Unfortunately, despite the population boom, there’s been a downturn in the economy. Pitola was the largest city in what was the green zone, and it’s essentially stopped manufacturing goods, greatly impacting the area. Only about 200,000 of the half a million people still live there. Just a tragic situation.”
Our first stop on our tour was a temple of worship. He really did suck at explaining as I had no idea if they believed in gods, only worshipped the land, or simply gave general thanks at the temple. I wasn't even sure if there was only one temple in town.
The bakery was a nice early visit and I got some pastries I wasn't familiar with. They had a lovely slightly sweet fruit-based filling and were topped with pecans. The baker was an older woman who was missing most of her teeth but it looked like they’d been lost in a fight. Maybe she retired from delving to take up baking? I wasn't stupid enough to ask.
After a little over an hour past sunrise – what Gabor called one bell and I guessed was equivalent to 73 minutes based on my AAI interactions – he dragged me to a large, squat, unadorned building surrounded by around 50 children, all probably in the five to eight year old range, all playing with each other, many vigorously battling with essentially foam-covered weapons. It was a cacophony and my AAI couldn't help me translate anything. There was a ring of adults around the outside chatting and watching bemusedly.
A fresh-faced handsome man with a golden mop and grin that seemed to extend into his hairline, probably little older than my body was supposed to be, stepped out of the building carrying additional foam weapons. The children stood a little straighter and a few shouted with glee.
"Mister Risto, Mister Risto!" one small girl ran up and tried to help, grabbing a sword from the pile. Unfortunately, it was load-bearing and most of the weapons clattered to the ground. She began crying and quickly escalated to wailing. A woman, possibly her mother, made to swoop in but the man just held up a hand. He said something quietly to the girl and she immediately moved into only snuffling mode and nodded happily. She started calling out instructions to those near her and kids started to line up.
The man stepped forward and the children started to quiet down immediately. "Good, good, that means you are ready for your lesson, right?"
"YES MISTER RISTO!" the children screamed back at him and he smiled.
"Well, we have a treat. This," he pointed to me, "is Terry and he's new to Velez. He's even new to Putijama. And we're going to help him train to be big and strong like every one of you!"
I received an AAI translation request from Risto and accepted.
About 40% of the kids just stared wide-eyed at me. Only two of those picked their noses while doing so. Another 50% or so broke out into whispers. The susurrus was an odd aural backdrop to the final 10% who squealed with joy and started jumping up and down or rushing for the weapons on the ground. One turned to fire an arrow – blunted of course – directly at my head before Risto shouted a halt. The arrow was loosed but with only a slight tension, leaving it to plop harmlessly a few feet from the now scowling boy.
This is going to be fun…
And some of it was. Every kid who wanted to was given a chance to 'battle' me and I had to stay on my knees to eliminate the height differential advantage. The disarming was actually the second bout so I couldn't pretend it was from exhaustion. Mira was just an excellent rapier wielder and managed to strike my grip just so. Her mother was also a delver in the city, wielding a rapier, and had trained her for years.
Risto gave excellent pointers to both me and my would-be slayers while the other children either battled amongst themselves or watched me slowly get whittled down. A few shouted things as they charged and those were the easiest to 'defeat' because they were putting on a show. I refrained from yelling in English, even though only Risto and Gabor would know what I was saying through our AAI connections.
As they didn’t have a foam-covered morningstar, Risto had me work through mace – most like my morningstar –, warhammer, war axe, greatsword, longsword, and spear; after about four two minute bouts with one, I was forced to switch to another.
My muscles were aching but I was surprised it was my hands cramping more than anything. Maybe because the weapons were light enough for children to use? Apparently they didn't do a Core Ignition Ceremony until 13 or so here – though a few did it as young as six, they just weren't allowed to participate in school like this – so I had far more stamina than any of the little squirts.
I was mildly surprised as I usually hated being around kids. I think Risto maybe has a skill to keep them in line?
Either way, at the bell, I was given a reprieve. Risto and Gabor pulled me aside as the kids actually entered the building and another group came out, this time probably in the 12-14 year old range.
I guess that age guess is only accurate if years and aging work similarly here…
"You were atrocious and I will be working with you to correct this. We need you. The null rifts here are close to – or already are – breaking, expelling creatures into the world.”
He started to get worked up and moved his hands at a pace I could barely track. “These are dangerous and tax our already overstretched resources. You can absorb the null essence without it debilitating you. We need that. We need you. And we need you to be good. Have you never picked up a sword before today?" Risto was far less kind with me than the kids.
Do mall katanas count?
"No, not really. Especially not to do anything more than wave it around. My world doesn't have rifts or cultivation. I was someone who helped essentially large-scale merchant corporations do business better. If you have any operational friction in your school, I am happy to help." I tried to give a winning smile but knew it was fake and didn't land.
Unlike the quick strike blow to my head from Risto's hand.
"Ow, what the sodus!"
"Do not use that language with me young man!" I must have looked incredulous because he said, "I am far older than I look. But you must take this more seriously.”
He stood up and started poking me in the chest. “You cannot lose focus on delving to help a school for children. You must save this town!" Risto was flying off the handle and Gabor simply grabbed my arm and steered me away.
Once we were a few blocks away, Gabor gently released my arm. "He's great for training but I think I'll try to be there when he's working with you. He lost essentially his entire town to a dungeon break from a delving guild – which was mostly slaughtered in retaliation – playing games, trying to let it get as full as possible to reap the best rewards.”
Gabor sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “He'll get you to excellent – he's training my best friend’s daughter in private lessons on my recommendation after all – but he needs managing. Let's calm down and take you on a more leisurely stroll and a trip to Tilda's Trifles and Treasures." He got a look on his face that I recognized as someone about to make trouble.
As we entered, the slender, tall brunette wearing a bonnet and shockingly pink shiny shirt working behind the counter started speaking before looking up. "How can I help you tod—" It almost looked like she glitched. "Neily, fancy seeing you here. I think you still owe me for that last visit when you ran off early. Bounty hunters chasing your cute butt or no, I paid."
I heard Gabor giggle and the bell above the door tinkle lightly like he tried to sneak out.
Oh sodus, here we go again.