It fell to Bianca to expin that this was not something that any sane person should do, and that it would be really harmful for her to inflict her corruption without any regards for the people… but she struggled to get the words out.

  She herself had contempted inflicting this not on random people, but on those that came to her sect for protection and guidance. Compared to that, Xue Yaling’s proposal was almost better… almost.

  “I’m not doing that. Even if I knew exactly how that happened… well, I have a guess, obviously, but it’s not guaranteed. Anyway, that aside, I won’t be affecting the lives of so many people just for an experiment! Furthermore, there are doubtlessly going to be men in there… The idea of them falling for me and starting to chase me around with lustful looks on their faces is just… ugh.”

  “You know, I appreciate that st reason a lot more than the moral argument. Who cares what happens to the people – it’s you that matters most,” the kitsune stated, Bianca’s eyebrow rising in response, “What? You should know me well enough by now to know what I’m like, right?”

  “Selfish and willing to do whatever it takes for your own sake?”

  “You said the same thing twice, Bianca, but yes. Far too many out there will cim to be righteous, but even the most truly virtuous amongst them are worthless when they can’t uphold their words. Why pretend like we’re like them? We want ourselves and the people we love to live, and the rest… why should they ever matter?”

  “Don’t you try that… I won’t keep along with your nonsense.”

  “No, you’ll insist that you won’t, then you’ll go above and beyond. Come on, Bianca, you’ve managed to break through one of your limits. You overcame your fear of this world’s properties. How much longer will it take for you to come to terms with the rest of yourself?”

  “… What kind of person do you think I am?”

  “A lot like me, really. Driven by your own desire, doing whatever it takes to reach your goal… just think about it. You knew about corruption for a long while, didn’t you? You could see the way it spread, the way it affected that pet of yours, and yet… you’ve allowed it to grow more and more potent. And you don’t hate it, do you?”

  “…”

  “No, you can’t even pretend to hate it in front of me. And it’s only fair enough – Song Ming is yours, why should there be any risk to her breaking free?”

  “Shut up.”

  “Aw, am I hurting your feelings? You’re no child, Bianca, you don’t get to flee from the truth.”

  “Shut up!”

  “You could make me – or you could accept the truth. You want control, you want power, you want to be at the top of the world and for everyone else to kneel before you. If you could dictate the very ws of existence, you wouldn’t hesitate for even a moment.”

  Bianca gred at the kitsune, clenching her fists, but even she knew that her rage was entirely impotent. For it to be worth anything, to do anything, she had to be able to refute the things she said.

  And yet, she knew it all too well – she wanted to be in control, she wanted to have the power to do as she wished, she wanted to occupy a throne while all the others kneeled… Perhaps she had noble intentions, perhaps she had good reasons, but nonetheless…

  ‘Was there ever a Demon Queen, or did you just invent it?’

  ‘No, there had to be! I didn’t mean to take many of the lives I took, and I wasn’t in control all of those times-’

  ‘Just like you weren’t in control when you stole to satisfy your own desires. And yet, when you did it at Li Wusu’s ship, it wasn’t like that at all, was it? The same actions, the same desires, yet you finally accepted reality.’

  ‘No, just shut up! Who… who even are you?’ Bianca froze, finding sweat covering her back as she caught herself talking to someone in her mind.

  Was it her own voice this time? Was… was it a voice at all?

  “Can’t decide?”

  “Shut it! I… You’re the st person I ever want to ask, but what… what could be the cause of another voice inside my head?”

  “There are those that would insist on heart demons and the like, but unless your personalities split outright… it’s you, telling yourself what you can’t accept in any other way.”

  “If my personalities did split, then-”

  “Don’t delude yourself, Bianca,” Xue Yaling looked tired, sighing loudly before pointing at her, “You know exactly what happened back at the ship, as well. Did you really give yourself over to a Demon Queen, handing her control, or did you simply allow the feelings you typically keep contained to burst out?”

  “But when she comes out, she tends to mention how I-”

  “The two of you are the same, is it any wonder that you share the same problem? You reject that side, that side rejects you. You treat it as another person, that supposed other person inevitably treats you the same,” the kitsune withdrew her hand and shrugged, as though stating the obvious, “Come now, surely you understand that even without me expining it. It’s just one of those many things you refuse to accept.”

  ‘But… no, I’ve talked to her for sure, but… just like now, the voice could’ve merely been… Fuck!’

  Xue Yaling looked at her a while longer before she gave up, her shoulders dropping, “Clearly, you still need more time, and we ought to move on from here. I hope you’re not going to take too long to arrive at a conclusion.”

  She walked past, in the direction of their little camp, leaving Bianca to stand in pce and contempte… everything. She wished that the answers would be simple, and left her in a good spot where she could feel comfortable with herself… but clearly the world refused to allow such a thing. Hence, she had to determine an answer on her own.

  ‘You know the truth all too well. It’s time that you accepted it, for the sake of all around you.’

  ‘Shut! UP!’ she shouted in her mind, again failing to catch just what that other voice was… if it indeed was different to her own.

  Whatever rexation she had achieved thanks to her pet earlier was entirely broken, shattered, torn asunder without a chance of recovery. It wasn’t just the kitsune’s words, though they naturally pushed the matter to the forefront of her mind – she had already known and feared the possibilities regarding her own state.

  Putting the matters of Orbis aside… well, not that she had to try very hard to do so. As she tried to recall every moment of her shoplifting and stealing thanks to that constant impulse, she realised that all too many memories had blurred.

  She could barely recall her st day there, not to mention all too many other details. The faces of her parents, the way that any part of Antania looked, her girlfriend. A question loomed over her, casting its shadow over everything as it threatened to envelop everything she had thought she knew and understood.

  Did she even truly come from another world?

  So much seemed outright fantastical, albeit in a different way to how she felt in the Pnar Continents, so it wasn’t even out of the question entirely.

  ‘No, I can’t let myself get distracted like that. I’m just imagining more problems for myself… fuck, Xue Yaling really messed me up… or rather, she just forced the problems to the surface.’

  If nobody confronted the issue, it was easy to forget about it, but the moment that it was brought to the forefront in this manner, Bianca couldn’t stop thinking about it. What was the truth, what was the solution to it all – questions that she couldn’t answer, yet had to. The feeling that someone was standing just behind her, ready to reprimand her for any foolish thought, didn’t help in the slightest, especially when she couldn’t even identify that ‘someone’.

  ‘Is it truly just me?’

  While she was pondering, her body must’ve taken her back to the camp on her own, Song Ming’s yell being the catalyst to force her to pay attention to the present.

  “Mistress, what did… are you okay, Mistress?” her pet ran up to her, looking as though she had a wagging tail behind her, “Did that kitsune say something mean again? Did she try to rile you up?”

  “… She did, but it was only bringing something I was already worried about to the forefront. It would’ve come up either way…” Bianca forced herself to respond, although she couldn’t stop her voice from sounding despondent.

  Although Song Ming picked up on this, she must’ve been unable to pick the best way to help, as she just looked like a begging little kitten, eyes big and moist.

  Still, there was nothing she could do to resolve her pet’s worries this time.

  “Everyone else is here? Then we should move on already,” Bianca said, looking south, “No chance of getting to the town in time, but we might as well begin…”

  She couldn’t be bothered to check, but she knew that the others likely picked up on her mood as well. Rather than rising with excitement and optimising, they set off quietly, and time dragged along. There might’ve been conversations happening around her, but she couldn’t be sure, not even with the Weave’s aid.

  It was too difficult to focus.

  ‘Bianca… are you alright?’ a strand of energy reached her, Huang Su’s voice appearing in her ears.

  ‘I… what am I?’ the words spilled out via that bond, ‘I can’t figure it out…’

  ‘Did Xue Yaling say something?’

  ‘You should’ve heard Song Ming ask me the same thing… the kitsune merely brought up something I wanted to run away from.’

  ‘Is it your Demon Queen side? Are you concerned that you are solely responsible for all of your deeds in that state?’

  ‘… Is there truly a Demon Queen?’

  ‘Bianca… There’s no way for me to know. I have been attempting to decipher your energy and its nature, but I’ve only been able to get so far. However, I can guess what you’re afraid of – that the things you’ve done and regretted most were done by you and you alone, without the influence of an outside force.’

  ‘Mhm… It would make more sense than just some second personality that only creeps up when I need an excuse, or when I specifically bring out parts of myself…’

  ‘It is important to remember that all of us have parts and traits that we do not quite like. We can do things we regret, have desires we should not have, and end up putting ourselves and others in difficult situations,’ the Sect Master said through their link, ‘I cannot say for sure what affects you, but even if the deeds that haunt you were done by your own hands, without any influence, it does not have to define you.’

  Huang Su got closer as they spoke and walked, eventually ending up besides her and pcing her hand on Bianca’s shoulder.

  ‘… But what if I can’t find anything wrong with my actions anymore?’

  ‘With the world being as it is, and your company hardly offering the best example, being swallowed up by such feelings is only natural. The important part now is to consider your values and whether the path you would take if you gave in to these thoughts would be one that you regret,’ the Sect Master expined, ‘Once you do that, you will be able to better recognise these kinds of impulses, and fight them.’

  ‘… Mhm.’

  What Bianca didn’t say was that she couldn’t really think of anything the Demon Queen had done wrong, not truly. The most vile deed she had committed was done by her, after being shocked by the situation unfolding around her, and she couldn’t pin the bme on anyone else. She regretted doing that, even if Song Ming seemed to have moved on, and she had wished that she could’ve ended the matter of Xi Vilge better.

  The rest of it, though… when she was attacked at the Ghostfme Temple, self-defence was only rational, and the same at all the other instances. It was rare for her to have been the one to initiate fighting, so…

  ‘… What am I really?’

  Clearly, Bianca fell deep into thought, and trying to prod her at this point would help with nothing. Huang Su wished to stop her, to speak to her, to get through to her… but she knew that if she attempted to do so, she would do nothing to help her. If anything, it would just encourage the rise of the Demon Queen personality in rebellion to her actions.

  ‘ But I hate to see this… it feels like I am watching one of my own disciples struggling, and I can do nothing…’ she raised her hand to her chest, feeling the tightness within, ‘I cannot do anything to help her at this moment, but I can tell the influence that does the most harm to her.’

  She moved her attention to the kitsune that walked along them, seeming not to pay attention to her or Bianca. Although she was far from the mess that Bianca was, she didn’t seem especially happy, either.

  ‘It is safe to say this was not quite what Xue Yaling had been intending to achieve. If I had to guess, she must have intended to make Bianca embrace that side of her personality and instead caused this existential crisis…’

  The kitsune had a certain reputation despite her low realm – as a sver, thief, killer and bandit.

  She wasn’t sure how such a person happened to be in the path of such an innocent woman like Bianca, but she was clearly at the root of a lot of problems. Whatever issues Bianca might’ve had or developed over her time travelling the world, Xue Yaling appeared to be fantastic at aggravating them, constantly bringing them back, and forcing her to grapple with them again and again.

  It was beyond frustrating, but she knew that she couldn’t just eliminate the kitsune and make everything right that way.

  Even if most of the others would agree, Bianca clearly relied on her a lot, and depriving her of such a support would do nothing good. Furthermore, as much as she wasn’t happy with the kitsune’s actions, she was still someone with knowledge exceeding that which was typical of her realm, and she could be really useful thanks to her connections with Long Shiyi, provided that the dragon was able to endure the Exarch’s siege.

  ‘Why did Bianca have to live in such times… and the pce we are going to is awfully close to the Exarch’s domain, so we would be at great risk if it chose to turn west…’ the Sect Master knew, feeling frustration bubbling up within her, ‘Heavens, if only I had the opportunity to stay with Bianca for a while, keep her safe…’

  There was a strange sensation within her chest that tingled beside that frustration. It felt as though it wanted her to bring it forth, to unleash it, but she refused.

  Whatever it was, wherever it came from, she wasn’t going to allow it to take control. With the way that everyone else was compromised due to Bianca’s corruption, not to mention Bianca’s own issues, there needed to be someone who was able to keep a cool head and keep the peace while the rest weren’t quite able to do the same.

  ‘Besides, this feeling… somehow, I know that it feels violet, and that is not how I usually perceive my own feelings…’ the Sect Master frowned for a moment, before hiding her expression so that the kitsune didn’t have a chance of perceiving it, ‘Is it the small amount of corruption that influenced me? It should not be able to affect me to any extent.’

  Thus, she let it go, focusing back on the kitsune, entirely unaware of how the violet light settled into her body.