“Lady Kokoro,” Lemon begins, standing guard beside me in the throne room as usual. A room so large and grand I almost have to squint to count the number of knights standing guard across either side of the endless red carpet trailing off into the distance. “Will you be making time today to attend the annual Demon Burning Festival taking place in your honour?”

  “Oh, that was today, was it?” I reply. “Sure. Sounds fun.”

  Sounds a lot better than what I’ve had to put up with these last few days. Even if the whole event is a little painful to watch...

  Ever since that giant prison collapsed into the lake, my days have been annoyingly hectic. More than usual. The tournament a few days back was a nice break from it all, but that ended up turning into some whole ordeal too. Now I’ve got Lemon swamping me with work from dawn to dusk every day, meeting with people I don’t know, and making decisions I don’t understand about topics I know nothing about!

  I wince as the thought of all the trouble I’ve been put through recently crosses my mind.

  Lemon chuckles softly behind her golden helmet when she notices my face. “Ah, it is reassuring to see my Lady’s confident smirk despite all these recent troubling events. It reminds me that, no matter what problem our country might face, you will always be two steps ahead of it.”

  The grimace on my face only grows wider.

  What ‘confident smirk’ are you talking about?! I’m in pain! I’m in mental and emotional anguish because everyone is counting on me to sort out this kingdom’s crap despite me having no idea what’s going on whatsoever! One day I’m picking through the ruins of the city for sweet loot, the next, I’m being hailed as some kind of demon-banishing, all-knowing prophet and promoted to Queen of the whole damn country!

  Well, at least the food is nice. And I can basically have anything I could ever want. I suppose that’s a fair enough trade-off for enduring all of this nonsense...

  Thinking about it, that tournament ended up being more trouble than it was worth, didn’t it? I mean, it was entertaining enough, and getting to run around a collapsing stadium was kind of exciting, but I bet a lot of money on that Analyst guy winning the tournament and he got knocked out of it a lot earlier than I would have hoped. I mean, it’s not like I need the money anymore though. It’s all just for fun now, I guess. The real issue with the tournament, however, is having slavery coming to an end. I figured it would be fine at the time, but I didn’t realise how much trouble it would create for me after the fact. If I had known, I wouldn’t have made such a stupid decree in the first place...

  Well, whatever. Lemon seems happy with it, so I guess it’s fine.

  “By the way, my Lady...” Lemon leans over to address me once again. “Apologies once again for my lack of comprehension, but... was it truly wise to allow a goblin into your Royal Guard?”

  With a tilt of her golden trident, Lemon gestures to the other side of my throne. There, a little green goblin girl sits on the floor beside me. An oversized spear much larger than she can reasonably wield is slung haphazardly over her small shoulder as she picks at one of her nostrils with a dirty finger.

  No, it wasn’t wise at all! Why is there a goblin in my throne room?! It’s weird that you even let this happen in the first place!

  A pained wince crosses my face once again.

  It’s rare to see others of my kind outside their underground homes, but earlier this morning a pale dwarven woman came to see me—dragging a goblin along in tow—requesting that the goblin she brought along be allowed to work for me as one of my Royal Guard to make up for the ones that were injured in the tournament. I was so dumbfounded by the bizarre request, I couldn’t help but grimace at the thought. I assume the only reason she was even allowed to see me in the first place without a prior appointment was because she was a dwarf like myself. Unfortunately, Lemon and the rest of my knights took that so-called ‘smirk’ of mine as a sign that I had planned for this to happen, and promptly dubbed the goblin a fellow knight, gave it a weapon, and planted it next to the throne.

  All it does is pick its nose, screech a lot, and occasionally throw cutlery at people who make eye contact with it. It was kind of entertaining at first, but if an opportunity to pass it on to someone else ever arises, I'm definitely going to take it...

  “Lady Kokoro!” Snapping away from my goblin-related woes, I’m suddenly alerted to a knight briskly making his way toward me from across the throne room. “I have an urgent message from Wrath!”

  “Wrath...?”

  Who the hell is ‘Wrath’? Since when have I been in correspondence with such a scary-sounding person?!

  “Ah, forgive me,” the approaching knight replies, slight panic in his voice. “I don’t mean any offence by using such titles. What I meant was, I have a message for you from Sir Grave, the Warden of Surstrom Spire. Though he is still bedridden and being tended to by our medics, it seems he has regained consciousness and has requested a message of utmost importance be delivered to you immediately!”

  The Warden of Surstrom Spire...? Oh, that must be the wolfman I found washed up on the shores of Surstrom Lake. When I heard about the Spire collapsing, I thought I’d better go and check it out for myself. Of course, Lemon and the others assumed I wanted to go in order to ‘investigate’ the reasons for the collapse, but I just thought it’d be a good opportunity to skim the edges of the lake and see if any cool loot washed up. Unfortunately, the only thing I ended up finding was some hairy, naked guy who looked really beat up for some reason. I didn't think he was anyone important at the time, but I guess he must’ve been the Spire’s Warden.

  After the disappointment at finding nothing of interest along the lake, the idea of spending the night in a moving carriage instead of my own bed wasn’t a great one, so I urged Lemon to redirect us through the shortest, most direct route back to the city. Which is why we ended up taking a shortcut through the woods and finding some kind of slave camp in the middle of a rebellion. Somehow Lemon got it into her head that I wanted to turn their rebellion into a tournament—which I didn’t really have a problem with—so that’s what we did. But, of course, everything started to get a little out-of-hand after that...

  “Oh, right. That guy. What did he want to tell me that’s so important?”

  “If Sir Grave’s word is to be believed...” the anxious man continues. “Then the Wandering Calamity has returned! It was she that struck down the Spire in her rampage, and the Warden was barely able to escape with his life!”

  The what...? Should I know who that is...?

  “But that can’t be!” Lemon interjects. “That beast was single-handedly banished by Lady Kokoro herself twenty-five years ago today! After all this time, why would it have chosen to come out of hiding now!? Why would it have attacked the Spire of all things!?”

  “Who—?” Before I can question the two about it, I’m abruptly cut off by the feeling of the room shaking around me. It starts off as a low rumble at first, but gradually increases in intensity as the source of the quaking earth rapidly draws toward us in the distance, leaving rippling waves of audible destruction and fearful screams in its wake. Soon, the entire foundations of the royal palace feel as though they’re being violently throttled.

  Whatever’s causing that commotion, why does it sound like it’s coming this way...?

  Seemingly sharing the same concern, the knights guarding the entrance scramble to shut the large wooden doors as the sounds of destruction continue to rumble closer and closer, cutting the throne room off from the rest of the palace. Slamming it shut, they manage to pull the emergency barricade across just in time to hear the frantic knocking of those caught on the wrong side, pleading to be let in.

  “W-wait, unlock the door!” a voice calls through from the other side, his panicked pleading mostly drowned out by the rapidly approaching destruction. “Let me in! Let me—! N-no, wait... I can see her! She’s in the courtyard! She’s... She saw me! She saw me through the window just now! Please! You need to let me in! Please, let me—!”

  The man’s voice abruptly cuts away as the rumbling destruction quickly arrives at the door to replace him, its intensity spreading cracks along the walls and floor of the throne room, and sending showers of dusted stone down from the ceiling above. And then—

  —It stops.

  Though the sounds of confused screaming can still be heard in the distance, the rumble of quaking chaos has all but stopped, coming to an abrupt end just outside the barricaded door to the throne room.

  An anxious silence settles across the room, everybody’s full attention focused on the barricaded entrance.

  —And then there's a knock at the door.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  From the other side, the unmistakable rap of somebody’s knuckles thumps against the thick wood. The sound of their knock is loud and firm, yet strangely calm. Especially compared to the sounds of violent devastation that occurred just moments ago.

  In response, the knights gathered in the throne room quietly draw their weapons in apprehension, watching the door with bated breath. After a short pause, another set of knocks rumbles through the silence.

  Knock. Knock—

  “You can let the next one in! I'm ready to see them now!” I call back from across the room, before immediately regretting it and breaking out into another pained wince.

  Crap! Why did I do that?! I’m so used to switching my brain off during these mind-numbing royal duties, my mind went blank from the shock of the current situation and I ended up defaulting back to work mode again!

  Hearing my response and seeing the expression on my face, the panicked knights seem to regain their composure, and the ones holding the door shut give an understanding nod and step away from the barricaded exit.

  What are you doing?! Don’t listen to me! I don’t know what I’m saying! Keep guarding the door, dammit! I have no idea who or what is out there, but don’t let them—!

  The door—along with the heavy barricade placed over it—suddenly explodes in a shower of splinters, the knights holding it shut just a moment ago barely stepping back in time to avoid joining the thin flecks of wood now raining down across the throne room.

  From the other side, a looming figure steps into the room—a woman. Although ducking slightly for her head to pass beneath the height of the door frame, it doesn’t stop the lengthy black horns protruding from her scalp from carving two long gashes in the wall above it.

  Without pause, she continues through into the throne room, her heavy boots—black, like the intimidating yet oddly elegant suit she wears, and the lengthy hair falling neatly at her sides and back—crunching atop the scattered splinters of the door as she strides up the red carpet towards me. The knights standing guard on either side have no choice but to let her pass, too frozen in fear to stop her. With shaky hands, one knight manages to muster the courage to point his blade at the woman, however, all it takes to shut him down is a sharp glare from her piercing red eyes as she passes him by, and he immediately crumples to the floor, unconscious and foaming wildly at the mouth.

  I have no idea who this woman is. But whoever she is, she seems to be really good at making a mess.

  Before I can question it, Lemon steps forward with a heavy step. Slamming a golden boot into the floor for stability, she immediately launches her weighty trident from over her shoulder with full force, aiming for the sudden intruder to the throne room.

  “Demon Gluttony!” she yells as the weapon leaves her hand. A high-pitched shriek screeches out as the trident slices through the air with a blinding flash, the pressure of force from its intensity tearing cracks along the floor beneath its trajectory. However, before it can reach its target—

  A metallic clang rings out as the horned woman casually waves her hand across in front of her without breaking stride, flicking the trident out of the air with a black fingernail as if it was nothing more than a bothersome mosquito, and sending it crashing through the wall and into another part of the palace.

  Demon Gluttony...? As in Demon Queen Gluttony? I mean, now that she mentions it, she does definitely fit the description of what a demon might look like. Although, from the way people talk about them, I always imagined demons being a little less ‘refined’ than how this woman seems to carry herself. I thought of them more as wild, naked, and running around on all-fours, and not well-groomed and smartly dressed. When they showed up in Gran Torte twenty-five years ago, I was a little preoccupied with looting the ruins of the city and didn’t end up running into any to compare. Thankfully. Though, something about this woman’s face is oddly familiar. Like I’ve seen it once before a really long time ago...

  This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

  After her failed attack, Lemon turns a panicked glance back towards me, and I return her look with a pained wince.

  “Very well, my Lady...” Lemon concedes, stepping back to stand beside me again. Though I can’t see the expression beneath her helmet, her voice is unusually shaky and quiet. “My apologies... Though it frustrates me to be so powerless once again, I will have to leave this matter in your capable hands. The same as it was all those years ago...”

  What part of my bewildered grimace gave you the impression that I was capable of dealing with this situation?! I don’t even know how I dealt with it last time! Or even how you think I dealt with it! You think some little no-name pipsqueak scrounging food out of the trash in the city’s slums was the one who banished the Demon Queen those twenty-five years ago? Of course not! Have some common sense!

  Eventually making her way across the room, Demon Queen Gluttony comes to a stop a little ways before the throne. Clearing her throat, the woman finally speaks.

  “My little Trish tells me you know everything,” she says. “So tell me where my daughter is.”

  “... What?” I blink back at her, a confused wince on my face.

  “Tell me where my little pumpkin is, or I will raze your city to the ground, and slaughter every last insignificant worm that dwells here.” Her words are blunt, and her tone sharp.

  It’s happened again! Another giant, crazy woman threatening to tear the city down! We just got rid of the last one somehow, now another one’s showed up! It seems the tall tales of my so-called ‘all-knowing grandeur’ have reached the ears of a really troublesome person! I have no idea where your kid is, lady! I wasn’t even aware the Demon Queen had kids! Despite living here for over twenty years, I still have trouble finding my way around the palace! There’s no way I’m going to know where some random person I’ve never heard of is!

  The pained wince on my face only grows wider, which in turn seems to irritate the Demon Queen, judging by the way she narrows her eyes at me, a popped vein faintly showing across her forehead.

  “Fine,” she responds with a click of her tongue. “Then I’ll start with you.”

  Before I can even process her words, the woman lunges at me.

  The air itself seems to get sucked out of the room as the Demon Queen appears directly before me in an instant, her power and speed marked by the molten trail left across her path and the thunderous clap that follows her swift movements. As if a flash of black lightning had just struck the ground in front of me.

  In a single blink, the Demon Queen now stands inches from the throne, her arm pulled back with intent to strike. Thrusting it forward in an attempt to plunge her hand through my body—

  “Kiiiipiii!”

  A garbled screech from aside the throne causes the Demon Queen to pause mid-swing, her sharpened nails hovering a hair’s breadth from my chest.

  With eyes narrowed, the towering woman slowly turns to face the source of the noise. “... What?”

  “Kiiiipiii!” the goblin repeats, pointing a little jagged claw at the Demon Queen. Judging by the globs of green snot so artfully smeared across the floor, it seems my new royal knight-in-training has concluded her successful nose-picking activities, and has actually decided to do her job. Though, it looks like she got tired of holding her oversized spear at some point and chose to roll in across the floor, so she’s not even armed right now. Not that I think it would even matter in the first place if she was...

  Gluttony tilts her head to the side in response, her expression of enraged annoyance shifting to one of puzzled annoyance instead.

  “I don’t think that’s possible,” she replies to the goblin’s apparent threats. “You must be mistaking me for someone else.”

  “Kiiiipiii! Kiiiipiii!” the goblin continues, tearing off a strip of cloth from its mess of shredded dresses and offering it to the Demon Queen with apparent pride.

  “This is troubling...” Gluttony retracts her hand away from my chest to tap a black fingernail against her cheek in thought. “I never learnt goblin because it seemed pointless, but from the little I’ve picked up over the years, I understand this is something similar to a greeting, yes? Between friends and family?”

  “Pii! Pii!” The goblin continues to proudly wave the strip of clothing over her head as she prances about happily in a little circle, an assortment of metal cutlery falling from her many makeshift pockets and clattering noisily to the floor.

  “How odd...? If only Trish were here to translate for me...”

  It wasn’t even a threat! The goblin wasn’t threatening the Demon Queen, it was trying to make friends with her! Or already is friends with her? I can't tell. And it seems Gluttony can't either, judging by the confused frown on her face at the goblin's words. Though not as confused as the grimace on mine must be right now. I didn’t even realize goblins had words! Let alone a whole language. I always just assumed their garbled screeching was just meaningless noise.

  Not to mention the fact that I think I almost died just now! I can't really tell because the Demon Queen's movements were too fast for me to see but I think she just tried to kill me! Adding on the fact that one of my Royal Knights is a goblin for some reason, Lemon is still looking at me like I have complete control of this current situation, and I've had so much damn work to do lately because some idiot wanted to end slavery and I stupidly agreed to it, this has been a pretty stressful few days all things considered!

  Well, whatever.

  These kinds of things happen when you’re the Queen, I guess. Everything always seems to work out in the end anyway, and it’s not like I’m the one actually doing any work either. Most of my duties just include throwing out vague responses to questions I don’t understand, and people seem to interpret that however they want to. And in return I can have whatever I want, whenever I want it. Which seems like a pretty fair trade-off, thinking about it.

  I shrug, and shake my head with a sigh as I mutter under my breath. “Why did she have to destroy the city today of all days though...?”

  As embarrassing as it is, I was kind of looking forward to the Demon Burning Festival that was supposed to happen today. I mean, festivals are always fun. As well as parades, tournaments, and anything else that doesn’t have to do with talking to people I don’t know about things I don’t understand.

  Snapping her attention back my way, the Demon Queen narrows her eyes at me once more. “Today of all days? What do you mean by that?”

  Ah, crap. She heard me complaining about her. Well, whatever. Considering she almost killed me and threatened to tear the city apart, it’s not like she can get any more upset with me, right?

  I shrug once again. “Well, there was going to be a festival today. But we’ll probably have to cancel it, I think.”

  “A festival?” The Demon Queen raises an eyebrow. “For what?”

  “Ah, it happens every year on this day. It’s like a big celebration or something. It comes with a parade and everything too.”

  The towering woman leans her face down to mine, her glowing red eyes now staring directly into my own from a distance so close I can feel the heat of her breath against my nose.

  “Celebrating what?” she asks, her expression still fixed in an intimidating glower.

  A pained grimace spreads across my face. “It was... something important that happened twenty-five years ago. You might’ve seen the parade floats on your way into the city, maybe. The... demon-looking ones. It’s like that.”

  Ah, double crap. I did say she couldn’t get any more upset with me, but knowing about how we wheel giant parade floats in her image across the city before burning them in the centre of the plaza might just do that.

  “It’s like that... is it?”

  “Yeah...” I have no choice but to answer before the intensity of the Demon Queen’s glare. “It’s, uh... It’s called the Demon Burn—”

  “Oh my!” The towering woman immediately shoots back up to her full height, placing her hands against her cheeks in shock. “To think this city was celebrating my little pumpkin’s birthday this whole time!”

  The uncomfortable wince spreads across my face. “... What?”

  “My, my! I was so upset at missing such an important day in my daughter's life, I didn't realize you were in the middle of celebrating it!" All signs of aggression seem to disappear from the woman in an instant, her words now dripping with honey and motherly sweetness as opposed to killing intent. "And the parade floats! I did catch a glimpse of them on my way in, but I was too worried to pay them much attention. To think they were made for my daughter! My, my, how silly I’ve been! I should have noticed!”

  “...” I steal a pained glance over to Lemon, who in turn is nodding vigorously with the confused excitement of somebody watching something deeply impressive but not really understanding what.

  I don’t understand either, Lemon. So I wish you would stop looking at me like that.

  “Oh, how silly I am!” Gluttony sticks out her tongue playfully and gives herself a reprimanding slap on the forehead with the palm of her hand. “I’ve gone and made a mess of such a wonderful city on such an important day! Sorry about that!”

  The woman offers an apology for destroying a chunk of the city in the same way that someone would for accidentally stepping on your toes while waiting in line. Well, at least it’s better than the alternative. Which is destroying even more of the city instead.

  “I see, I see!” the woman exclaims, bending down to lay a gentle hand on the goblin at my side. “You must be friends with my daughter then! Is that why you recognized me?”

  “Pii.”

  “My! How wonderful!” The woman beams happily in response as she claps her hands together. “Thank you for taking care of my daughter! Perhaps you’re one of the ones she mentioned in her letter? Either way, I’m happy to hear she’s been making so many friends up here!”

  Seemingly no longer interested in the interaction anymore, the goblin grunts a garbled reply before going back to smearing boogers across the throne room floor again.

  “Hmm...” The Demon Queen taps her cheek in thought before turning my way. “So. You must know where she is then, yes?”

  A pained wince crosses my face at her question. A question I was definitely hoping wouldn’t come up again. I have no idea who or where this woman’s daughter is, but she obviously isn’t here, and I’d really rather her mother wasn’t either.

  “Uh...” As I attempt to come up with an answer, my attention drifts to the destruction of the throne room. Specifically, the damage left by Lemon’s golden trident being flicked through the wall.

  Now that I think about it, isn’t the palace kitchen that way? I really hope it didn’t get damaged too...

  Noticing my shift in attention, the Demon Queen claps her hands together in excitement.

  “Oh! That way? You’re saying she went that way, did she?”

  “Huh...? Ah, no, I’m just—”

  “My, my! East, is it? How wonderful!” Clapping her hands together once again, the woman happily twirls on her heel, ready to depart the same way she came in. “Sorry again about the mess! I’d like to stay and help clean it up but, unfortunately, I’ve only ever been good at breaking things instead of fixing them! I think Pepper takes after me a lot in that regard, don’t you think? Koffy too. Ah, that’s my eldest daughter... Oh!”

  Turning back one last time, the woman flashes me another soft smile.

  “I know!” she says. “I’ll send one of my other daughters to help out here instead!”

  —And then she leaves. Skipping her way back down the red carpet, across the floor flecked with wooden splinters and dusted stone, and past that one knight still frothing at the mouth as he convulses wildly on the floor, Demon Queen Gluttony eventually makes her exit. Leaving the throne room in silence once more.

  ...

  The silence is eventually broken by the clanking of armour as Lemon breaks out into enthusiastic applause.

  “Outstanding, my Lady! Truly outstanding! To think you were able to placate such a mindless, bloodthirsty monster with words alone! I fear the topic of your discussion completely eluded somebody as simple-minded as me, but I was still able to comprehend just how amazing a feat this was! As expected of the woman who banished Gluttony from this city all those years ago! It was just the same now as it was back then!”

  Following her lead, the other knights too begin to regain their senses, and join the excited lemon in applause.

  “Lemon...” I eventually respond with a sigh.

  “Yes, my Lady!”

  “This year’s Demon Burning Festival is cancelled, I think.”

  “Of course, my Lady! I’ll notify the people immediately!”

  “And also...”

  “Yes, my Lady!”

  “I’m going back to bed. I’ll see you tomorrow...”

  And with that, I shuffle my way off the throne, planting my feet against the fractured floor and making my way down the red carpet as the Demon Queen did just moments ago.

  “Very well, my Lady! There is still much work to be done, but I imagine such a momentous win against Gluttony would surely be very draining! Rest as long as you need, and I will take care of everything until your strength has returned!”

  “Mm. Thanks, Lemon...”

  I let out another sigh.

  I hope I still have a bed to go back to. The state of this place after all that commotion isn’t all that reassuring. And what was that the Demon Queen said about sending one of her other daughters to help clean up her mess? Having another demon sent my way doesn’t exactly inspire confidence either. Also, I really have to find a way to get rid of this goblin, because I don’t want to be treading on her boogers for the rest of my life. Also— Oh!

  Remembering something, I stop in my tracks and turn back towards Lemon.

  “Also, I’m hungry,” I tell her. “I want something sweet. Do we have cake? I want cake.”

  “Of course, my Lady!” Lemon responds. “I’ll have your finest chefs make one for you immediately! Please remain rested in your chambers, and I will have them bring it to you as soon as it is ready!”

  With thoughts of cake on my mind, I swat away the troubled thoughts today has wrought with a dismissive shrug.

  Well, whatever. Now that I think about it, being Queen isn’t so bad after all. If anything annoying comes up again, I can just deal with it when it does. Like always. And I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end anyway. Just like it did today. But most importantly...

  “I wonder what kind of cake they’ll bring me...”

  For the first time today, I feel a satisfied smirk cross my lips.