Chapter 70:
Feelings Beneath
(Lucas's POV)
"...Sweden?" I asked, the word falling from my lips like a lump of lead.
"Yes," Elizabeth answered over the phone, her tone despondent, "I'm sorry, my love."
"Don't be," I tried to soothe her, "I understand. I just wish I could go with you."
"Not this time," she said, the apology subtle in her tone, "It'll be too dangerous."
"Like Italy?" I asked, teasing her, "I was fine then."
"Lucas..." her tone was pleading.
"I know, I know," I assured her teasingly, "Thank you for telling me."
I could feel the knot in my chest tighten. I knew she had a job to do, but knowing she'd be so far away...even when she went to the Atntic, it ached in my chest being so far from her. Still, I swallowed the feeling and resolved myself. This is what she needed to do. I had to believe in her.
"Promise you'll be safe?" I asked softly.
"Of course," she answered gently, "You know I will, but...are you really asking? I should buy some bubble wrap before I leave."
"Heh, please don't," I chuckled, "I'll be good, promise."
"Hmm, we'll see," she ughed lightly, "Well...my flight leaves soon. I'll let you know when I nd."
"Okay...I love you, Ellie," I spoke with every ounce of love that I could.
There was a pause for a moment as a silence fell between us. I felt my heart grow heavy, anxious, but then...
"I love you, too," her words were dripping with honey and warmth, "Always and forever, till the end."
I felt the words resonate deeply within me as I smiled like a fool.
"Dangerous words," I warned.
"I don't mind a little danger," she replied flirtatiously, "Take care of yourself, my love, and listen to Maya, understood?"
"Yes, Ma'am," I told her, and after a few more words of affection, we hung up.
Falling back onto the couch, I stared absently up at the ceiling, the phone still in my hand. I wasn't sad, not really. I knew she had to do what she did, but I was worried. I could hear it in her tone. Something was happening.
Ever since I colpsed the other day, both Maya and Elizabeth have been acting weird. Not in the typical way that they always did. No, it was like they couldn't look me in the eye.
I tried not to think too much about it, but my mind kept coming back to it. It wasn't that they were ashamed or anything, but more that they were...afraid. I already knew that my life was hanging by a thread, and I knew that they were worried about that, but this...this felt like something different.
"Maya..." I called, unsure if I should bring it up.
"Yes?" her soft voice asked as she entered the room, "Is everything alright?"
"I...yeah," I sighed, pushing myself to sit up, "I take it you knew about Ellie leaving?"
"She did inform me, yes," Maya answered honestly, "Is there a problem?"
"No," I shook my head and gave her a warm smile, "I'm gd you two talk. I was just curious..."
Standing, I made my way slowly over to her. She watched me with a curious, concerned expression. It wouldn't be a lie to say that I was a little despondent. My mind was running, but about nothing and everything. I just...felt tired.
"Sir?" Maya asked as I suddenly rested my head upon her shoulder.
"...You'd tell me if something was wrong, right?" I asked quietly.
There was a hint of rose upon her and the smell of food she was cooking. Caramel brownies. Delicious and calming.
"Lucas..." she said my name so easily now, setting my heart wild, "What's going on?"
I felt her arms wrap gently around me, holding me close. I smiled into her, pressing myself closer.
"I don't know," I admitted, "I feel...tired."
"Would you like to y down?" she asked, but I shook my head.
"No, I'm good," I replied, turning my head to rest more easily on her shoulder, "I can't miss those brownies."
She ughed, shaking her head amusingly.
"They'd be there when you're awake," she told me, teasingly chiding.
"But they're better fresh," I countered, feigning a pout.
She ughed, but there was an unspoken feeling hanging in the air. She knew something wasn't right, and I knew that I couldn't hide it well.
"What's this really about?" she finally asked, her hand caressing the back of my head, "It's not about El going to Sweden, or the brownies. Tell me."
"I'm like a damn book," I chuckled, taking a deep breath, "Alright, well...can we talk over brownies?"
A silvery, angelic sound filled my ears as Maya ughed again.
"Sounds good, Sir," she took me by the hand and led me into the kitchen.
It smelled divine the moment I entered, the tray of brownies having been cooling for a while now.
"Sit," she ordered, motioning to the chair by the table, "I'll get us some gsses and milk."
"Thank you," I told her, taking my usual seat.
I watched her make her way around the kitchen, taking the moment to try and clear my mind. I'm sure it was only my anxiety, but I felt lightheaded. Closing my eyes, I tried to focus. Was I about to colpse again? Right after I had told Ellie I would be good?
After a moment, I felt something cold against the side of my face. Surprised, I opened my eyes to see Maya had already returned with a fresh gss of cold milk, and was holding it to the side of my head.
"Hey, thanks," I smiled, taking it from her, "Sorry if I'm a bit out of it, I-"
Maya was walking over to the tray of brownies when she gently interrupted me.
"Lightheaded?" she asked softly, to which I nodded.
"How did you know?" I asked, watching as she cut the brownies into squares.
"I've been watching you," she answered simply, "You should know this, Sir."
"Yeah..." I muttered, feeling a bit...strange, "I don't know why, but tely I've felt like I'm not myself. Like-"
"You're fading?" she inquired, almost sounding...afraid.
I tilted my head curiously, because that's exactly how I felt. She definitely knew something, but all I could do was watch as she piled the brownies onto a pte, the caramel oozing perfectly from them. My mouth was watering just seeing them.
"Is this...about me dying?" I blurted out, unable to hold it in any longer.
Maya flinched, freezing for a moment before she took a deep breath and turned to make her way back over to the table. Setting the brownies down, she was silent as she sat across from me.
She avoided looking at me, but I didn't mind. I could see it in her eyes as she struggled with the thoughts inside of her head. She was afraid. Worried.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have-" I began, but she shook her head, holding up a hand to silence me.
"No, it's okay," she assured me, finally looking up with a warm smile, "You're right. It is."
I felt the tension in my chest lessen a bit. Perhaps I had been overthinking everything. That wouldn't be anything new.
"I see..." I took a deep breath, reaching for a brownie, "Is that why...neither of you can look at me properly?"
As she went to reach for a brownie herself, her eyes went wide, but then softened.
"So, you noticed that?" she sighed, "I suppose we didn't hide it very well..."
"No, but...I'm gd," I admitted, much to her surprise, "I honestly thought it was something else."
"Like what?" she inquired, genuinely curious.
"Honestly, I don't know," I told her sheepishly, "I was just worried something was wrong, but...you were only worried. Afraid."
Silence fell over us as we took our time to take a bite of the sweet treat before us. I fell into a state of euphoria as the chocote and caramel mixed into a blissful harmony within my mouth. They were one of my favorite sweet snacks. I loved brownies.
"It's more than fear," Maya broke the silence after taking a drink of milk, "It's uncertainty. As confident as we are...there's an unknown time limit."
I washed the brownies down with my own drink of milk, taking another bite as I mulled this information over. She was right. Even I didn't know how much time I had. No one knew.
I couldn't bme them for being worried, especially after I had colpsed. In fact, I felt a little guilty. Maya had done so much to take care of me, and I was simply making light of it. That had been inconsiderate of me.
"I'm sorry..." I said softly, "I should have been more aware."
"Please, don't be," she told me, her tone gentle, "We all were just trying to ignore it, but...we can't."
In the somber atmosphere, we continued to eat, enjoying the brownies and each others company, but I couldn't just leave it like this. Standing from my chair, I made my way around the table. Maya watched me curiously confused until I stood behind her, wrapping my arms around her her in a firm, loving, warm embrace.
"Lucas..." she whispered, holding my arms to her, "You don't have-"
"I know I don't have to," I told her, "I want to. You know, you don't have to hold it in. It's okay to let it out. I won't judge you."
I could see her smile, resting back against me.
"I'll keep that in mind," she replied softly.
I held her then, holding her lovingly in my arms. I had been so preoccupied with my own thoughts that I had been oblivious to how Maya truly felt, deep down.
"I know you won't let me apologize, but..." I smiled, running my hand up along her neck, "Perhaps this...might be sufficient instead."
Caressing under her chin lightly, I tilted her head back towards me. Leaning down, I kissed her. She didn't resist, leaning back into it as she reached her hand up, gripping the back of my head. I didn't know how long the kiss sted, only that it tasted sweet. Chocote and caramel still upon our lips.
By the time I pulled away, my face was burning up from how intense it had been. I was seeing stars, or perhaps...was that just my lightheadedness?
"Honestly..." she muttered amusingly.
Standing from her chair, she turned to steady me, one hand on my chest and her other arm around me.
"Yes," she said, "That's plenty sufficient."
I smiled dumbly, resting my hands upon her waist.
"Good," I stated, drinking her in, "I should have noticed earlier."
"No," she shook her head, that smile of hers sending my heart fluttering, "We didn't want to worry you more than was necessary, but...we should have known better as well. It is you, after all."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" I excimed indignantly.
"Lucas..." she gave me that incredulous, teasing look, "You worry so much."
"Not...that much," I grumbled, blushing a bit.
"Yes, that much," she stated firmly, but then her expression softened as she looked into my eyes fondly, "But...that's not a bad thing."
I smiled sheepishly, and we kissed again. This time, I was a little steadier on my feet. I felt like I was being drawn into a velvet embrace. Her lips were soft, her body against mine was firm yet supple, giving way to my own as I leaned into her.
She held me tightly, gripping at the colr of my shirt hungrily. For the moment, all worry disappeared.
-----
(Maya's POV)
Lucas fell asleep as they watched some movies to settle down for the day. Azure curled up by his legs as she held his head in her p. She caressed his hair absentmindedly, staring at his sleeping features.
There was a pang in her heart as she watched him. Every breath he took felt like another moment longer that she could spend with him. A precious, irrepceable moment.
As much as she tried to assure Lucas that everything would be fine, and she wanted to believe it herself, she couldn't help but wonder. Her thoughts racing at the possibility, however slim, of losing him. It was a constant fight to remind herself that Elizabeth was doing everything she could to find a solution.
Maya felt a little helpless sometimes, being unable to help the search. Of course, she wasn't too upset. She had an important job of her own to do. To ensure that Lucas remained as safe and healthy as possible, but there were some things that she couldn't protect him from. Something that even Elizabeth hadn't been able to prevent.
The dwindling of Lucas's life force.
As much as she put on a brave face, it was a terrifying thought. Something unseen that she couldn't actively fight. Even Elizabeth had confided in her that she wasn't entirely sure her pn to save him would work, but she had to try.
The confidence both Maya and Elizabeth presented to Lucas was honestly just a front. Neither of them were sure it would work. Elizabeth had expined to Maya what her pn was. To create a medicine that would bolster Lucas's life. To imbue him with such energy that whatever was killing him, couldn't.
It was simple in theory, and it made sense. Lucas had given everything to allow Elizabeth to live...to regress. In a way, she was a little jealous. To have known him for so long...a love that sts for an eternity. How couldn't she be jealous?
Of course, she had found her pce within it, and she was gd that Elizabeth was willing to share. Looking down at Lucas now, Maya couldn't keep her heart from fluttering. He appeared so peaceful.
"...So cute," Maya muttered, allowing herself a small smile.
She brushed his hair gently, stroking lovingly the beautiful chestnut strands. They were soft, calming her worried heart. She couldn't fathom having wanted to harm him, let alone kill him. Yet, she couldn't deny the truth of Elizabeth's words. About how Lucas and Maya had first met in their previous lives.
Maya would do anything for her sister, and if she had stayed longer with her parents...well, The Ptinum Lotus would have had its deadly rose. A thorn that bit anything they ordered her to.
The thought chilled her very blood. To be under their control...
"What a nightmare I had lived..." Maya shuddered as she thought about it. She was grateful she didn't remember it, and couldn't fathom how Elizabeth had survived all these years with those memories. Memories of all the death and pain she's suffered. The cruelty of it all.
Maya took a deep breath as she contempted it, remembering a conversation that she had with Elizabeth one evening when Lucas had fallen asleep. It was shortly after Maya was accepted into their retionship. She had been curious how everything worked. After all, Elizabeth loved Lucas deeply. To think that she would share him with anyone, let alone her.
----
(Maya's Memory)
"I didn't always love him," Elizabeth had admitted with a wry smile, "At least, I had fooled myself into believing I didn't. I hated him for what he did."
They had been sitting at the wet bar in the room, Elizabeth drinking a bit of wine in a crystal gss.
"Really?" Maya had inquired, rather shocked, "I can't even imagine that with how you treat him."
Elizabeth had ughed, a sound somewhere between self-loathing and amusement.
"I lived many, many lives, Maya," she had expined, "I saw him die over and over again. I faced so many hardships, only to fail...it would have been more surprising if I hadn't come to hate him."
"I...suppose that makes sense," Maya had begrudgingly agreed, "You saw it as a curse, rather than a gift."
"Mhm, but I was a fool," Elizabeth had said, swirling her gss before taking a swig of her drink, "He entrusted me with our future. I didn't realize until he foolishly gave his life again..."
Maya recalled Elizabeth had sighed rather heavily at that, downing the rest of her drink before aiming her gss at Maya with pointed intent.
"You asked why I accept you?" she had asked, a devilish smile on her lips, "You're just like me. Willing to do what it takes to save those you love, and you love him."
"I-" Maya had begun, rather embarrassed, but Elizabeth cut her off.
"You do," Elizabeth had told her, "Don't deny it."
"I don't deny it," Maya had answered with a blush, amusing Elizabeth.
"Let me ask you..." Elizabeth had continued, turning to rinse her gss off, "You've seen how reckless he can be, but what if it was at your expense? To save you? How would you feel?"
"I...don't know," Maya had answered honestly, confused at the question, "Upset, probably? Angry that he put himself in danger, but also...happy that he'd risk himself."
"Ha!" Elizabeth had excimed, setting the gss aside, "Right? Then how do you think he'd feel?"
Maya had thought long and hard about it, a smile coming to her lips as she found the answer.
"He'd get angry," she had told Elizabeth, who nodded sagely, "But...also happy that I'm safe."
"Precisely," Elizabeth sighed, gring lovingly over at the bed where he snuggled up next to Azure so adorably, "He's a damn fool, but a loveable one. Caring for monsters like us..."
Maya couldn't argue with that, for it was true.
"I still don't understand," Maya had told her, "What does that have to do with you being okay with me?"
"Hopefully, you'll never experience it, but if you do..." Elizabeth's expression changed to adoration as she gazed upon Lucas, "A fool who loves you ignores all danger to save you...how would that make you feel?"
"Oh!" Maya excimed, covering her mouth as she blushed deeply, finally realizing the reason for Elizabeth's question.
"Heh, felt your heart flutter?" Elizabeth had asked, and Maya nodded, "Of course, we don't want him to be in such a situation. I once hated him until his sacrifice reminded me how much I loved him."
Elizabeth let out a loving sigh, her eyes completely enraptured by Lucas's sleeping visage, only briefly gncing at Maya as she finished what she was saying.
"You're no different from me," Elizabeth had told her, "I vowed never again. So, together...let's create a world in which he never has to be put himself in danger like that again."
Maya could agree to that, and their night ended as Maya went off to think about what she had said.
(End of Maya's Memory)
----
(Continuing Maya's current POV)
That night had changed so much for Maya, but Elizabeth had been right. Nothing compared to a fool putting himself in danger to save her. Risking everything to pull her back from the brink...if she hadn't been his before, she was in that moment and forever after.
"What a damn fool..." Maya whispered fondly, shaking her head at Lucas resting in her p.
He shifted under her, turning over as his eyes fluttered open slightly. Azure compined with a low half-growl, half-meow.
"Who's a fool?" he asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes as he smiled boyishly.
"You," Maya answered immediately, barely containing her own smile, "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"No," he shook his head, reaching to pet and scratch Azure behind the ears who cooed happily, "I was already waking up. Your p is really comfortable, though. I don't want to get up."
"Then don't," she told him, trying not to blush, "You need your rest."
"Lately I've done nothing but rest," he grumbled, stretching as he sat him, leaving Maya feeling a little disappointed, but not upset.
"Nothing wrong with that, Sir," she told him, to which he rolled his eyes pyfully.
Azure bounded down to the floor, stretching their back as Lucas watched him with a smile. Maya observed the two of them, enjoying the moment of boy and beast. A man and their best friend, or in this case...Lucas's other half.
Azure took after Lucas in many ways, mimicking him whenever he did anything. If Lucas yawned, Azure yawned. If Lucas ughed, Azure's tail was at least swishing. Whenever Lucas was curious, Azure was peaking over his shoulder with a curiosity of his own. It was honestly quite cute.
Lately, when Lucas was pying games, Azure would watch intently, mimicking Lucas's body movements whenever he made them while pying. Even though it didn't affect the game at all, Lucas had a habit of turning his body or tilting as if he was the character in the game. Azure, of course, would mimic this and smile widely, even ughing in the way that a Drake could whenever Lucas got after him for "teasing" him.
Those moments always brightened Maya's day, and seeing Azure plop his head in Lucas's p as he got scritches was a reminder of those times. She could watch Lucas py with Azure forever.
"So, what have I missed?" Lucas inquired as he made baby faces at Azure.
"Nothing much," Maya told him, "I've just been thinking."
"Anything good?" he asked, gncing at her with a bit of worry.
"Yes and no," Maya admitted, "But now I'm only thinking good things."
"Oh? Like what?" Lucas wondered.
He wouldn't have to wonder for long as she leaned in, tilting his head towards her as she pnted a loving, gentle kiss upon his lips. His eyes widened in pleasant surprise before leaning into it. As she pulled away, he had a contentedly dazed expression.
"Like that," she whispered coyly.
Azure was smiling, flying upwards as he bobbed in in the air, looking at Maya expectantly. Maya rolled her eyes with a knowing smirk.
"Yes, yes, you too," she shook her head as she pnted a kiss on Azure's forehead.
He purred happily, and Lucas wrapped his arms around Azure's neck, wresting him from the hair.
"Hey! That's mine, give it back!" he feigned offense, pretending to steal the kiss from Azure's forehead.
Azure turned things around as he tackled Lucas back against the couch, beginning to lick his face wildly, "returning" the kiss.
"I didn't mean like that!" Lucas excimed, ughing.
Maya couldn't help but giggle, hiding her mouth behind her hand. It was moments like these that made everything worth it, but it would all mean nothing in the end if they couldn't keep him safe. Keep him...alive.
"...Maya?" Lucas asked tentatively.
She realized that Azure had stopped licking him and was now staring at her with Lucas, eyes like a puppy.
"Yes?" she asked, and he reached a hand out to her.
Taking it, he pulled her to him, Azure flying out of the way so that she could rest against him more easily. She could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest, threatening to escape it.
"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?" he asked, uncannily intuitive.
"...No," she said unconvincingly.
"Mhm, sure," he chuckled, holding her tight, "I'm here right now, and Elizabeth's working on it, right?"
"...Yeah," she nodded, feeling her chest tighten, "I'm sorry, I-"
"Nuhuh," he put a finger to her lips, "If I can't apologize, neither can you."
She sulked, crossing her arms defiantly.
"You're so cute," he muttered, flustering her.
"Shut up, Sir," she retorted, which only made him ugh.
It was a pleasing sound to her ears.
"Make me," he told her smugly.
She glowered at him as he tilted her chin towards him. Pushing him back against the couch, both hands on his chest, she straddled him. He looked up at her, eyes full of trust and love.
"You..." she growled, gring at him, "Damn you."
"What did I do?" he asked, genuinely appearing confused.
"Everything," she grumbled.
"Now that's not true," he stated defiantly, "I didn't do everything. In fact, I honestly don't do much. Should I do more?"
He had this way of disarming situations rather easily with his flippant nature. She was trying her best not to ugh.
"Stop it, I'm trying to be mad at you," she said, pyfully hitting him lightly with the side of her fist.
"Again, what did I do?" he chuckled, his stupid smile so stupidly stupid.
"You worry too much. Let us worry for once," she told him firmly, trying not to be swayed by him, "So, no, you don't need to do anything more than what you are doing."
"I don't think I can stop you from worrying," he countered with that damn smile of his.
"No, but you try to take it on yourself," she choked on her words as she spoke, beginning to tear up, "Don't do that. We know what is going to happen if...if we don't..."
The tears were welling up in her eyes now as the thoughts couldn't stop, not this time. Not even his stupid smile could stop them from coming as his arms tenderly embraced her, pulling her to him as he tried his best to soothe her.
"Hey...shh, shh, it's alright," he whispered in her ears, "I know...I'm worried to. I don't want to lose this. What I have..."
The warm tears flowed into his shirt, but she couldn't stop, and he didn't mind. He was simply too kind, but she had tried so hard to not make him worry more than he already did. Both her and Elizabeth had tried to make it easier on him.
He was always thinking of those he loved. Worried for their wellbeing. Was it so wrong that they wanted to limit that? To make life easier for someone so kind? They didn't want him to worry more than he had to, but sometimes...you couldn't avoid it.
"Damn it..." Maya mumbled into his chest, "Stop being so sweet..."
"I thought you liked sweets?" he joked.
She couldn't help but ugh through the tears, pyfully hitting him again.
"I do, and that's the problem," she told him, pushing herself up to look at him.
Her heart caught in her throat as she saw that tears had formed in his eyes, but he was holding them back. He looked at her so tenderly that nothing could hold her back, and she didn't want to be held back.
"Just let me be sad," she gred at him, cupping his face in her hands, "And let yourself be sad, damn it."
The tears came unbidden as he nodded his silent understanding. She smiled through her own tears as a storm of emotion swept her away, and she carried him with her. She kissed him, the salty taste and warmth of their tears mixing into the sweetness of his breath and the softness of his lips.
The thought of potentially losing him tore at her heart in such a way that she had never felt. He was always trying to cheer her up. To lessen the pain, but...in this moment, she didn't want to lessen the pain. She wanted to savor it...and the feeling of his body beneath hers.
The pain was a reminder of what she had to do. To make sure she didn't forget. She had to remain vigint. If she grew compcent, she would never forgive herself. She asked him to just let her be sad, and he understood without another word even as it tore at his gentle heart to see her so broken up. He was one who wanted to always comfort those around him, especially those he loved.
He had difficulty accepting when there were things he just couldn't help with. Sometimes, he just had to let things be, and for him to let himself feel those very same emotions. She was giving him permission to feel sad as well. To let all the anxiety out in that moment. Safe in her arms, and her safe in his.
The way he held her so gently, tenderly, and with a warmth unlike any other kept her tears flowing. She was happy to have found such a feeling of love and belonging in this world. Something she would protect with every fiber of her being.
Even in such a moment like this, he made sure she knew that he was there. That she was safe, and she returned the gesture by holding his head as tenderly and lovingly as she could. Elizabeth was right. She would do anything for those she loved, and she loved him.
This world couldn't take him from her. If it did...she vowed she wouldn't stop until everything was drowned in ash and blood.
-----
Nikushimi