ERIC

  Eric stared in disbelief at the dragon trap.

  Two bodies lay in the closed device, now more soup than solid. Red ooze spattered the walls, lumps of flesh trailed across the floor. A head lay at his feet, eyes glazed over. It stank of bile and entrails. Rose retched and turned away.

  Eric bent down to inspect the enchanted-looking helmet affixed to the decapitated victim. ‘Damned adventurers,’ he muttered.

  Rose’s eyes were in a wide panic. ‘We killed them! What do we do!?’

  Eric stood up and scratched his chin. ‘We don’t do anything. They’re adventurers. Everyone expects them to go into a dungeon and not come out again. That’s two more we don’t have to worry about.’

  ‘But they’re dead! They’re people too you know!’

  Eric chuckled to himself. ‘Don’t you worry, look at those footprints.’ He pointed to the trail leading away from the bloody mess. ‘One of their party members survived, so it’s not a total party kill. They’ll have taken blood samples for a resurrection.’

  ‘Really? You’re sure?’

  ‘Positive. But I’m curious why they’re here in the first place. How did they know about the dragon?’

  ‘Same way we did?’

  ‘No, we heard it directly from Lord Egglewort. Someone’s been spreading rumours.’

  ‘Old Ted?’

  ‘Maybe...’ Eric sniffed the air. There was a hint of... inanimate magic. It was there before, but it was stronger now. He needed to get away from the smell of guts. ‘Something’s not quite right Rose, follow me.’ His nose led the way, through the passages, slowly, carefully. Sniffing the rocks and ground. His heart pounded in his chest. It wasn’t a dragon, he was sure. Further, deeper into the caverns.

  Until it led to the main chamber.

  The large beam of light still struck a glinting chest at the centre, surrounded by hordes of motionless skeletons and decomposing bodies. The perfect trap.

  Rose let out a sigh. ‘So no dragon then?’

  ‘Shh,’ Eric hushed.

  Rose obeyed.

  He crept towards the chest, stepping over the scenes of death at his feet. Closer and closer. The box was before him, adorned with gems and gold.

  He picked up a discarded sword.

  ‘What are you doing?’ said Rose. ‘I thought you said we weren’t thieves?’

  ‘I said sshh!’

  This had to be it.

  Eric opened his Sack of Clutching and rummaged around. The vial he was looking for appeared in his hand, cool and smooth. Inanimate-Be-Gone, his own recipe. He dribbled half of it onto his sword, then stowed the rest in his belt.

  He lunged, sword swinging down. It hit the wood with a solid clunk.

  ‘Arrrrrghhh!’ screamed the chest. ‘Bleeding hells!’ It tumbled away, quivering. Blue steam emitted from where the sword had landed.

  Eric raised his sword again.

  ‘I yield I yield!’ The chest pleaded, its lid lolling open. A few gold coins rolled from its mouth and tinkled onto the stone floor. ‘Ach, that stuff burns! What is it? Am I going to die?’

  ‘It’s only a bit of repellent to keep us safe. You’ll be fine in a moment.’

  The mimic nodded its lid thankfully as it groaned. ‘Why’d you go and do a thing like that?’

  Rose stood at the ready, claw outstretched from her now-chugging backpack. ‘What is it exactly?’

  ‘This here is a mimic. I know his smell anywhere.’ Eric stood up and patted the mimic on the lid. ‘He’s a magical being. He can turn into any inanimate object he likes.’ Eric saw what a mimic’s original form looked like once. He pushed the thought away. Why did they need that many teeth on their tentacles?

  Rose edged towards the creature. ‘Are you sure he’s safe, Eric?’

  ‘Positive.’ Eric smiled at the mimic. ‘We’re not a threat. I know mimics, they ain’t so bad.’

  The chest smiled back. ‘That’s right, we’re not.’

  Rose tentatively patted the creature on the lid too. It purred with satisfaction. ‘Oh, sorry. I’ve just… never met a mimic before.’

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  ‘I wasn’t going to eat you,’ said the mimic. ‘Honest.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’ said Eric. ‘What about all these bodies?’

  ‘I was only defending myself! I can’t live in peace with all these adventurers blundering around. When I’m a chest they can’t resist shoving their filthy hands in me, then they get aggressive when I tell them to get lost. Although they are rather tasty.’

  Eric nodded and discarded the sword. He crouched down beside the chest and lay a hand on its warm wood. It felt soft in a way that wood wasn’t supposed to be. ‘Sorry about that, but I had to be sure. You’d bite us otherwise.’

  The mimic hesitated. ‘I was only going to bite you a little bit. What are you doing here, anyway? You don’t look like adventurers.’

  ‘We’re looking for a dragon,’ said Eric. ‘Pest control. But it doesn’t seem like there is one.’

  ‘That’s what all these adventurers keep coming in for,’ said the mimic. ‘I overhear them talking about it, before I kill ‘em of course. What’s that all about?’

  Eric shrugged. It was curious indeed.

  ‘What’s your name, friend?’ asked Eric.

  ‘I’m Larry,’ said the mimic. ‘And you are…?’

  ‘I’m Eric, and this here is my apprentice, Rose.’ He gestured a thumb towards her. ‘From Beast Be Gone, Pest Control.’

  Larry rocked back upright and bounced towards Rose. The bottom of the wooden chest thumped as it hit the stone floor. ‘Well you’re not adventurers, so you’re alright in my book.’

  Rose patted Larry again, who wiggled with joy at her touch.

  ‘So, do you reckon you can get these adventurers to keep out of my house? They make an awful mess, even if they are delicious. You could tell everyone you’ve slain this dragon and you’ll look like a hero. I’ve still got a few years left on the lease, I can’t really afford to live anywhere else.’

  Eric became lost in thought. He fiddled with the his stubble. There was something going on here. The job wasn’t done. ‘I don’t think that will do it,’ he said, determined. ‘Someone’s been spreading rumours to get people going on this quest.’

  Rose looked at Eric with a knowing smile. ‘It’s got to be Old Ted. He knew everything about the dragon.’

  Eric nodded. ‘I thought his house looked too nice. I bet someone’s been paying him off handsomely. But who?’

  ‘We’d have to ask him.’

  ‘That won’t do, he’ll deny it. We need to catch him in the act, get some proof.’

  ‘And how are we supposed to do that?’

  Simultaneously they both looked at Larry.

  ‘Me?’ said Larry, who shuffled away.

  Eric crouched to Larry’s level to where he assumed his eyes were, somewhere around the keyhole area. ‘You’d be the perfect undercover agent, Larry. You could pretend to be his desk, then listen in and find out what he’s been up to.’

  ‘Ha! No chance.’

  ‘What if…’

  But Larry had already started hopping away, clomping over the dead bodies, some of which made a satisfying splat.

  Rose and Eric shared another look, then ran after him.

  Rose yelped and tripped over a loose skull. Her robot arm whizzed into action and propped her back up. The thing seemed to have a mind of its own.

  Eric reached the exit to the chamber and looked left and right. But only emptiness echoed down the corridor.

  Rose caught him up. ‘He can’t have gone far, he can only hop.’

  ‘He would have shifted forms. He could be anything now.’ Eric breathed in deeply. He would have to rely on his nose again. But the smell wasn’t there anymore. He sniffed, the air only held the tang of blood.

  Rose rifled through her backpack and took out a small orb. She shook it until it emitted a high pitched whine. Faster and faster she shook, her face tight with concentration, before tossing it in the air. The mechanical claw protruding from her bag snatched it between its two pincers, keeping it spinning. The orb burst into a ball of white light above her and the tunnel became as bright as day. She pointed at the ground. ‘Look, Larry squashed those dead bodies and left a trail.’

  Sure enough, a square stamp of blood clung to the floor. One stamp after another, leading left down the passageway. ‘Let’s go!’ She hurried off, her lamp-like orb bouncing and flickering light. It made Eric dizzy.

  Eric conceded that she had the right idea and followed along.

  They delved deeper into the mine, always keeping an eye on the ground at the rapidly thinning trail of blood. The imprints would suddenly change, from squares to circles to a thin line. Eric assumed Larry must have transformed into some kind of wheel. Fortunately, they had already mapped all the tunnels, so Eric wasn’t concerned with becoming lost. Although all the unexpected exercise was making him sweat more than during a health and safety inspection.

  The trail disappeared, along with the last of Eric’s breath. He hunched over, wheezing and panting and wishing he’d never left home. Rose seemed unaffected and instead cast her lamp around the cavern they’d found themselves in. It was barren, aside from loose rocks and stalactites.

  ‘Larry, we know you're here,’ Rose lulled cautiously, ‘Come on out, we just want to talk.’

  Silence.

  ‘That won’t help,’ Eric leant against a wall, trying to take the weight off his jellied legs. ‘He doesn’t want to be found.’

  ‘Eek! Okay, I yield again!’

  Eric leapt as the rock he’d leant on tumbled away and rolled at his feet.

  ‘Ah, there you are Larry. Just as I suspected.’

  The rock melted into a soft brown, warping so that all the pointy-bits were in the right places. Larry shook himself, now back in his treasure chest form. ‘Why can’t you leave me in peace?’

  Rose folded her arms. ‘You’re quite the coward, Larry.’

  ‘What do you expect?’ said Larry, puffing out his chest’s chest. ‘All the bold mimics end up dead. Hiding keeps you alive.’

  Rose stepped towards him with an outstretched finger and prodded him in the panelling. ‘But you won’t be alive much longer with all these adventurers coming by. We plan on stopping them, and we need your help.’

  ‘You don’t need me.’

  ‘Course we do. You can help us find information. All we need you to do is pretend to be a desk in an old man’s house and listen in on what he’s up to.’

  ‘I couldn’t do that! What if he caught me? What if...’

  Eric cut him off. ‘As far as I can tell from all those dead bodies, you can handle yourself just fine.’ He felt quite sorry for Larry. Mimics were close to becoming extinct with this adventuring craze. Their mating habits were too infrequent to keep up with the rate of slaughter, although the former was because they were too good at hiding. Mimics would often mistake real inanimate objects for a mate, leading to a lot of destroyed property and very few pregnancies.

  Larry paused in the glow of the compliment. ‘That may be. So why should I care?’

  Rose spoke fast and passionately. ‘They’ll never stop coming, the world’s full of them now. You either have to fight it or accept it, and we’re planning on fighting it.’ She winked at Eric. ‘How about this, if you help us you can come and stay in our shop until we get rid of all the adventurers. Deal?’

  Eric scowled at Rose. He wasn’t running a damned hotel.

  Larry let out a gentle hum, his lid slightly ajar. ‘Now that does sound like fun… alright, deal.’ He hopped up and down. ‘I hope your place is nice and damp though, or my allergies will be a nightmare.’

  ‘That’s the spirit.’ Rose smiled and patted Larry on the lid. ‘Now let’s go and pay Old Ted a visit.’