|| 12th of Faustil, 983 || Northshire, Edan ||

  9 Years old

  “Come out, come out wherever you are.” Lia calls, her voice playful and teasing.

  My heart races as I press my back against the rough bark of the tree. Her footsteps crunch through the forest behind me. I hold my breath, squatting low to make myself as small as possible.

  “You know I’m going to find you…” her voice sings, “I always find you,”

  Well not this time Princess Perfect.

  Her footsteps slowly draw closer, and my lungs start to burn as I keep holding my breath.

  “Little brother…” she calls, her teasing tone sounding slightly unsure for once.

  the seconds pass but it feels like hours.

  she moves deeper into the forest, still looking for me as her steps fade into the distance. I breath out slowly and carefully ease away from the tree, making sure to move silently through the bushes. She’s still calling for me, her voice getting farther and farther away. I grin proudly.

  This is it!

  I’ve finally—

  “Princess! Little Prince! Time to come inside!” Martha calls from the direction of the cottage.

  I freeze. Before I can even think about running, a hand clamps down on my shoulder. “Gotcha!” Lia’s voice rings out triumphantly.

  I turn to face her, shoulders slumping. “Fine. You win. But only cause I've got rotten luck!” I complain.

  She ruffles my hair, laughing. “I always win. You really should know better by now Sonny.”

  I scowl, pushing her hand away, but deep down, I’m already planning my next attempt. “Next time, you won’t be so lucky. I’m going to beat you one of these days, I swear it.”

  Lia just chuckles and starts walking back towards the cottage. “Oh, I’m sure you will,” she says fondly. “But for now, let’s head back in before Martha wrings our necks, eh?”

  I huff out an exaggerated sigh and follow her lead, trudging along behind her as we make our way back. As we near the cottage, golden lamplight spills through the windows, casting warm patches on the lush green grass. The familiar scent of fresh baked goods wafts through the air. I smile, knowing one of Martha’s sweet treats awaits us.

  God, I hope its lemon cake.

  As we step onto the back porch, the old wood groans beneath our feet. Lia pauses at the door for a moment before pivoting towards me and quickly smoothing down my unruly black curls. Finally, she opens the back door, and the cozy interior of the cottage welcomes us with open arms. The crackling fire in the hearth dances with a comforting warmth, casting flickering shadows along the walls.

  The sound of Martha’s voice echoes from the living room, as she speaks to someone. The muscles of my shoulders tighten when my father answers back, his voice low and clipped.

  Oh great, what is HE doing here?

  Lia grips my shoulder gently, offering me a reassuring squeeze before silently urging me forward. With a deep breath, we enter the living room and find our father, King Emerson Kaine, sprawled across one the couches like it’s his throne. His gaze is cool and commanding as he looks up at us.

  “It certainly took you long enough,” he mutters. “Sit.” He orders, gesturing to the couch opposite him. Lia and I exchange glances before silently obeying. We carefully sit down, both trying to pretend that the weight of his presence isn't choking the air out of the room.

  He shouldn’t be here.

  He hates the countryside.

  So why now?

  “Something unfortunate has happened,” he begins, his tone as flat and uncaring as ever.

  My heart stutters and that's when I finally realize why the room feels so empty right now. “Where’s Mum? She said she was coming down soon.”

  Father’s gaze drops to the floor. Seconds stretch by until he finally speaks. “She’s...I'm sorry but your mother is dead.”

  No, this must be some sick joke.

  Some cruel little test, like everything else he does.

  There's no way that's true.

  But all it takes is one glance at Lia to bring my hopes to a crashing halt. Her expression is grim and her eyes brim with tears that are moments away from making their escape. My heart drops and I feel as though I might get sick all over the dark blue rug beneath my feet.

  Come on Li.

  Tell me it's not real.

  Please...

  I force my gaze back up to my father’s, desperate for answers. “No. She can’t just be…” I stop short of the word I can’t quite say.

  Dead?

  Is she really dead?

  His expression is one of cold annoyance, the look he often gets moments before punishing me. But his eyes shift, and instead of striking me, he leans back into the couch cushions and sighs. “I understand this may come as a shock but I’m afraid this is the reality of our situation. She is gone now.”

  He talks about her like she was no one.

  Not his queen.

  Not our mother.

  Just some woman who happened to die.

  My jaw clenches as my mind floods with memories; her comforting hugs, her soothing voice, her joyful laughter. Tears well up in my eyes as I struggle to accept this new reality.

  No...She's not really dead.

  She can't be.

  She wouldn't leave me like this.

  “What happened?” Lia’s voice cuts through the silence like a knife, her tone full of blame as she stares down our father.

  “There was a riot, those upstart types fancied themselves revolutionaries and attacked my men. Those that got away, started spreading fires. She was down there at that damn bakery she loved so much. I told her to send a servant, but she wouldn't listen. I knew things were getting tense, but I never thought..." He shakes his head in disgust before letting out an angry huff, "It always seemed as though the people loved her, but when it mattered most...those animals still just let her die.'" His spits out, his face contorted with disgust.

  “How could this happen?” Lia's voice trembles with a barely contained fury. “Where were her guards? Why wasn’t she protected better?”

  Father’s eyes narrow at her, the irritation clear on his face, “It was chaos, Emilia,” he responds through gritted teeth. “The rioters overwhelmed the guards before they had a chance to react. Two of them died protecting her but...it was too late. The other two barely escaped with their lives.”

  “So, they just let her die then?” she snaps. "If they were real agents of the realm, they would have burned alongside their queen instead of running back to palace like cowards!"

  Our father’s face twists with irritation, and for a moment, I see a flicker of momentary regret beneath his hard exterior. “They did everything they could,” he murmurs, his voice barely audible. “But there were too many of them…too much chaos…She was burning before any of them could stop it.”

  Oh god.

  This is real.

  She's really...

  My eyes dart up and the disgust in my gaze mirrors his own. I speak without thinking, “And where were you?”

  “Excuse me?” he asks tightly, as if daring me to continue.

  “While she was dying, where were you?” I repeat, my voice quiet but even.

  “I was in a meeting at the palace. Not that I need to explain myself to you, Boy.” he responds through clenched teeth.

  A fire is raging within me, charring me inside and out, and when I open my mouth to speak, the flames speak instead. “Well, if you can't explain it to me then how are you going to tell the people? Huh? What excuses will you use then?”

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  She's dead.

  She's dead because of him and he doesn't even care!

  I feel a gentle hand reach over and grasp one of mine. Lia squeezes softly and for a moment it’s almost enough to douse the fire building inside of me. I know she feels it too. I can see it in her eyes that she's just as angry as I am.

  Father leans forward and stares me in the eye, daring me to look away. “Whether you like it or not, people die. If you weren’t so soft, you would understand that.” His words are cold and emotionless, as if the tragedy that had befallen our family was nothing more than a minor inconvenience. “You were not there,” he continues matter-of-factly, “Be happy for that. There’s nothing more we can do now. So, we must move on, for the good of the country.”

  I pull my hand from Lia’s grip and rise to my feet. My body shaking with emotion, the hurt and anger boiling inside of me threatening to explode. “And if I don’t want to move on?” I challenge him, my voice trembling slightly. “What then? Will you leave me to the flames as well?”

  “Sit down.” He orders, his voice full of smoke and magic. I close my eyes, but I know it's too late.

  He’s already got me.

  Damn him!

  "I should sit down," I find myself repeating almost mechanically. My body moves of its own accord, sinking back down onto the couch as if an invisible hand is squeezing my mind, making it feel as though the idea to sit was all mine.

  If I were anyone else, I wouldn’t even know the hand was there. But because I'm like him, I get to feel it and know there is nothing I can do to stop it.

  He's such a stinking cheater.

  Just once I'd like to see him end an argument without using the Influence to win.

  I grit my teeth and glare at him, frustration and disdain burning in my gaze. A part of me hates him in this moment, his iron will on my mind being the only thing keeping me from lunging at him with pure rage. I want to run, to hide, to cry…but most of all, I want to punch him in his stupid face. Instead, I just sit, doing as I'm told even as my body screams for freedom.

  Father shakes his head and leans back once more, “Your mother is gone. Stop crying and grow up. You will be king one day, and this is just the sort of pain that forges a great man. Use it.” He says with a roll of his eyes, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

  Lia’s eyes brim with angry tears beside me, “How can you be so heartless? She was our mother, and you’re sitting there talking about some crown? Do you not care at all?”

  Father’s eyes flicker with a moment of remorse, but it fades instantly. “You don’t understand,” he says, his voice devoid of compassion. “Sometimes sacrifices must be made for the greater good.”

  Lia’s voice trembles with anger as she responds, “Who cares about the greater good, our mother is dead.”

  Father’s face remains still, unmoved by her words. “You will understand one day,” he says dismissively. “For now, I suggest you both get some rest tonight. We will be returning to the palace at first light. We must show the people a strong united front. So, no more crying, understand?”

  Hate surges through my veins. I feel the determination to resist him growing stronger with each second.

  This is my body!

  My life!

  I won't do as you say, you bastard!

  I pry my hand away from Lia’s and stand, now a living flame inside. I stand over him, my voice trembling with fury. “You think I care about being bloody king? You think I want that stupid crown?” I spit, my voice rising in volume with each word. “Let it burn for all I care! Just like you did to her!”

  I don’t wait around for his magic words to control me again, instead I run out of the living room, through the backdoor and into the backyard. I finally stop running and sink to my knees in the middle of a wildflower patch, closing my eyes to shut out the light.

  It’s all too loud. The feelings, the constant buzz of my thoughts, even breathing, feels like too much right now.

  I wish everything would just stop!

  I suck in a deep breath, trying to remind my lungs how to function. In and out, in and out, until the buzzing in my head fades and for a moment everything is quiet. For a moment there is only the rhythm of my heart and the shuttering sound of each breath I take.

  It's going to be okay.

  It has to.

  When I finally open my eyes and gaze up at the sky, I notice that its empty, void of the usual wildlife flying overhead. That’s when I finally see the dark black bird lying motionless on the ground in front of me. I scan the garden, where several other creatures are still and unmoving.

  This is because of me.

  I did this to them..

  Guilt twists me up inside, coming from every direction. I forgot. In all my rage and sadness, I forgot. I don't get to feel things like normal people. Because of his evil blood in my veins, I have to be careful, always careful, unless I want to turn into him. I close my eyes once more, forcing myself to relax and focus as I try to release my control of the creatures, my voice coming out in a shameful whisper.

  "Let them go."

  "Let them go!"

  "Just go!"

  Within seconds, those that can are soaring into the sky, past the canopy of trees, and as far away from me as possible. not that I blame them. I sigh deeply and stare up at the clear blue sky. I imagine for a moment turning into a bird and flying away as well. Away from everything pinning me down to the ground, everything turning my insides to iron and smoke.

  Suddenly, a hand grips my shoulder and for a moment I fear I may have summoned him with my thoughts. I glance up and relax a little when I see that it's Lia looking down at me. A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth, but her silver eyes hold an ocean of sadness, the same ocean that’s drowning me right now.

  She sits down in the grass beside me, looking up at the sky along with me. We stay like that for a fleeting moment, neither of us willing to break the silence, to give life to the new reality we are both forced to live in now.

  One that no longer includes Mum.

  “Sonny…” her voice is soft, far softer than it usually is. “We can’t stay here forever.”

  “I don’t care.” I say, with more confidence than I’m used to. “I don’t want -”

  “It doesn’t matter what you want. Eventually we must return home, you know that.” she reminds me in an annoyed voice.

  I bite the inside of my cheek until I taste blood.

  Our home is an immense golden palace in the middle of the Kainesbourough, surrounded by towering iron gates that not even the most skilled person can climb over. Anyone with eyes can see it for what it is. a cage. A golden cell. Anything and everything but a home.

  “I don’t want to go back.” I finally respond, breaking the silence.

  “We have to. That’s where we are the strongest. Where our people can see us and know that we are there for them.” She states, like that is supposed to make me feel better somehow.

  Why should I care what they want?

  They let her die.

  “I said no! Why can’t we just…stay here? With Martha? She always takes care of us...” I ask, though I already know the answer.

  “Because you can’t very well learn to rule the country from a cottage in Northshire. You have a destiny. We don’t get to run away from this.”

  “I don’t care about learning to be stupid king!” My voice is loud in a way that’s embarrassing but I don’t really care. “I just...want Mum.”

  “I know.” She gently reaches a hand over and gently runs her fingers through my hair, trying to soothe the wild beast raging inside of me. “I want her back to but...we have to be careful now.”

  I can’t look at her anymore, the sadness in her eyes feels as if it’s choking me. I pull my knees up to my chest, hiding my face so she can’t see me as I begin to sob.

  Her hands gently move to my shoulder as she leans over and hugs me from the side, her arms overlapping mine. The sudden embrace catches me off guard for a moment, as I thought she would tease me for my behavior. That she’d tell me to grow up and stop being weak, like father would. But instead, she just holds me tighter.

  “Shh…it’s okay.” She whispers.

  A part of me wants to fight, to push her away, but her gesture, while confusing and new, is somehow exactly what I need right now.

  So, I let myself go. I cry, sobbing into her shoulder, allowing my emotions to take over for the first time since our father told us what happened to Mum.

  I'll never get to see her again.

  She's gone forever and there is nothing I can do to change it.

  After a few moments, the sobs finally slow and eventually stop, leaving me red-faced, exhausted, and more than a little embarrassed. I sit up and wipe away my tears with the sleeve of my shirt.

  “I’m sorry…” I whisper, my voice now rough and scratchy.

  “It’s okay…” she whispers back, not bothering to wipe her own tears. She reaches over and grasps my shoulders so I’m facing her directly. “Listen to me Sonny. We must promise each other something.”

  “Okay.” I respond quietly, still exhausted from crying.

  “We must promise that no matter what happens, we’ll look out for each other, alright? We only have each other now.”

  I stare back at her for a moment, the weight of her words thickening the air around us.

  She’s right.

  it's just us now.

  Us and Him.

  I reach up and grip her hand that’s on my shoulder, squeezing it softly, “I promise.”

  “And I know you don’t want to go back, but we have to be more careful from now on.” She begins. “Mum’s not here to protect us anymore. We have to be smart.” Her words hang in the air like a weight around my neck.

  With eyes still closed tight, I respond. “What if I don’t want to be smart? What if I don’t want to be…,” I hesitate to whisper the last word. “King.”

  I feel her begin to shake with laughter beside me. I open my eyes in annoyance and glare over at her, noticing the way she barely holds back her smile.

  I try to pull away, but she reflexively pulls me closer, “Let go, Lia! it’s not funny” I snap.

  Her eyes soften and she forces my head to lean against her shoulder once more and says, “I know it’s not funny. I’m only laughing because while I’ve been wishing to wake up a boy, you’ve been wishing to wake up a commoner.”

  My brows furrow in confusion, “Why would you want to be a boy?”

  “Well, I don’t want to be a boy, but it would be a whole lot easier if I was. If I was then you wouldn’t have to do this. I could play the part of the prince and give father what he wants, and you could have been happy. Some second son allowed to marry for love or something.”

  “Who cares what he wants…” I mutter bitterly.

  Another chuckle, but this time I lean closer. Something about her laugh in this moment reminds me of Mum.

  The thought triggers another twist in my heart, reminding me I’ll never hear Mum's laugh again.

  Was she still laughing in the end?

  Or was she screaming?

  Lia’s hand starts to gently stroke my hair as she continues, “This isn’t about him. It’s about us. About our future.”

  I close my eyes and try to imagine a future without Mum.

  A future in a cold palace ruled by a cold man.

  A future with no escape, no way back to the days when things were better, brighter.

  “What are we going to do without her Li?” I finally ask, my voice small.

  She looks at me for a moment before turning her gaze towards a nearby patch of wildflowers, her eyes focusing hard on something before she whispers, "Come."

  Just then, a butterfly with wings that shimmer in the sunlight makes its way over to us. It’s all yellow and gold, shining like a treasure up close. She reaches out, and the butterfly lands on her fingertip.

  “When will you get it, Sonny? There’s nothing we can’t do,” she says, smiling over at me. Then she lowers her hand towards mine, and the butterfly crawls over to me. It tickles a bit, making me giggle. “Especially when we stick together. Okay?” She finishes, as she smiles down at the pretty creature too.

  I used to always think Lia was more like dad.

  But maybe she's like Mum too.

  I nod, feeling all warm inside as I think about Mum.

  She would have loved this beautiful little butterfly.

  The more I smile down at the little creature slowly walking along my finger, the more it feels like some kind of present from her. As if she’s sent us something pretty, golden, and free to remember her by.

  "Now you try. Whisper with your mind this time, pull its will into yours. Go on, you can do it."

  I lift my hand slowly, before whispering in my head to the creature, as gentle as I can muster.

  Be free.

  The butterfly hesitates before finally fluttering away from my finger, dancing into the sky. Lia and I watch it go, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s thinking about Mum or if she too is dreaming of wings that will never come.