I dismissed the second message after re-reading it and then looked at the Purchasable Skill List which was still open.

  ‘Quality Possessed’. Doubting Thomas, P.I.

  “Display Qualities. Display Possessed Qualities, Display Qualities Possessed. Quality List. Display List of Qualities. Quality List. Display Quality List. Display Qualities. Display List of Earned Qualities. Display List of Possessed Qualities.”

  The last one worked, I couldn’t help the bark of laughter. “15th times the charm. What a piece of shit.”

  There was a lot to take in. The first thing that stuck out was that Duck was still looking out for me. My face twisted as my eyes watered. I… might have cried. Thankfully I couldn’t afford wasting the water so all that happened was a cringe-single tear.

  Some time after that settled, “Shit, I’m being such a baby.”

  I folded my fingers over each other, “Ducky, if you can hear me… I love you and I miss you and I’m happy that you made it to Heaven. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in it and thanks for trying with me even though I’m…” I stopped from calling myself the next words that came to mind ‘worthless heathen’, she would hate that. The corners of my eyes started to water again, so I pushed on. “And it sounds awesome up there and… thank you for helping me out when that miser angel fu- guy, went through my Qualities. I want you to enjoy it up there and not worry about me. I’m serious and you know I am, so don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I wish… I wish we had more time together, but you being in Heaven is a consolation prize I’m very happy with. Shit. I do really miss you though. Also, if you can, please tell Gabby he’s the shittiest of the four archangels and he should go ‘fuck himself’. Only if he’s near you and it’s convenient. I love you Casey.”

  I felt a wash of, what I could only describe as, love as it swept over and through me before it was replaced by the oppressive feeling of a too-large eye staring at me from above. It pressed down until I felt, what I could only describe as, a small seed of something open itself inside me and push the attention off. It went dormant again and I struggled to describe what it had felt like. The best I could guess was it being filled with the mother-of-all-second-chances. Like it possessed a second, third, fourth, and fifth chance up to a million of them. Even more than that. I tried to dig into it again, but I couldn’t even sense it anymore, much less make it do anything. I flipped a single digit above my head toward the retreating eye and I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled out, “Thanks, Duck.” I finished my prayer, “Amen.”

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  I wiped off my face and went through the list.

  Soul Seed of Redemption. Maybe that was what I had just felt? The entire question seemed like a theoretical exercise that had minimal impact on my current survival. I dismissed it. I re-read the part about Duck, but it bummed me out so I stopped reading it and moved onto the Quality I had gotten. Ren Faire seemed useful, but I needed to find a real weapon. I was glad I hadn’t spent a point on something I already had.

  I’d have to be careful of that. At best, Gabriel didn’t give a shit, that much was clear by the ‘flavor text’. At worst, he was actively trying to screw Humanity and, quite possibly, me personally as well. I doubted that I’d ever get the chance or the strength to do so, but if both of those somehow happened I would definitely pay back the favor.

  The ‘Seed of Anger’ thing. Maybe it’d help me out at some point. Regardless, based on the other feeling of a “Seed”, it seemed like something that would be activated at certain points or with certain triggers. Yeah, I might have some repressed anger issues, who doesn’t though?

  Law of Averages (Unique-Ultra-Average Rarity)

  I couldn’t get some sort of dragon shapeshifting, master of the Force, hyper-assassin, hero-bane unique Quality? My ‘Unique’, ‘ur special ‘arry’ Quality was that I was ‘ultra-average’? Ridiculous bullshit. I brought the special finger out again and jammed it into the sky, then, feeling that wasn’t enough, brought a second one from the other hand alongside to join it. It felt childish, but I didn’t care.

  Eventually, I settled down and gave it the fair shake that any information that would affect me in potentially life-altering ways deserved. With annoyed, narrowed eyes.

  “You're not the worst person I've done this for, but you definitely are the most average. I mean, really. On average, your base attributes tend to average out. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. On average? It's average. Like you, In the dictionary, under "Average" I wouldn't even have to say anything, I'd just have a picture of you. Congratulations, that makes you special, in an average sort of way.”

  “Fuck you too Gabby, Display Status.”

  Yup, Body, Mind, and Soul were all at 5. Wait. I looked over it again, and deeper this time, I didn’t see any Feats under the Mind attribute. There were other changes as well, my External Will was now at 2, and I lost a point in Internal Fortitude! It was now at 7 instead of 8.

  “Hey! What the fuck?”

  Luck was now at three, but it had started at 0 and I only saw two Feats next to it, in the Bonus Feat column.

  I re-read “Law of Averages - (Unique-Ultra-Average Rarity)” minus the useless snark from some pissy angel.

  “On average, your base attributes tend to average out. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. On average? It's average.”

  “Oh really fuck you Gabe,” I hissed between a tightening jaw. This was more of a curse than a benefit. So basically, it meant that anything too far above the average would get pulled down while anything below the average would get pulled up. That meant that while Luck was going up, a good thing, it would also be a major downwards drag on my stats until it reached parity and even then, once I reached a stat balancing point, I would have to achieve multiple Feats in quick succession or else I could lose the stat point entirely. Or stat points. Damn.

  Just because it seemed to have worked out as of this particular moment, giving me a free point in Mind, External Will, and Luck at only the cost of one point in Internal Fortitude, it could just as easily rob points and leave me with nothing. Maybe that point in Luck really had paid off for now, but there was a sick feeling in my stomach. This was the definition of a double-edged sword. That bastard angel.

  I needed to understand my stat sheet better than anyone had ever understood a stat sheet and I needed to do it NOW. God, I wish I was better at math. I needed a math skill.

  Okay, one thing I hadn’t noticed before was my level, it read 4(5). Under the ‘Earned Feats’ section there were earned Feat points in Body, Soul, External Will, and Internal Fortitude. After digesting this for a few moments my assumption was that each ‘Earned Feat' corresponded with progressing your ‘class’ or ‘set’ of levels. Five Earned Feats and then… something happened. Moving on.

  Bonus Feats? I didn’t know what those were. Re-reading through them again: Back from the Brink; Right Lady, Wrong Time; and Fortunate Son. I compared them to my other Earned Feats. All of the Earned ones seemed like… more effort on my part. Or deliberate effort at least. I dated Casey because I wanted to, dating her wasn’t like choosing to fight the wolf, or multiple of them. Fortunate Son was just lucky that I was nearby and had earned the Feat “Right Woman, Wrong Time” so early. Back from the Brink? I hadn’t been trying to activate my Will either. I hadn’t even had known that was possible.

  I wished I was better than average at math, and paused at that thought. So what if I’m average at math? Apparently that was my thing, I was average at absolutely EVERYTHING, especially so in the apocalypse. If I could calculate and figure out if there was downwards weight behind a difference in stats that would be a huge advantage. I really didn’t have any confidence in myself at that. Maybe if I ran into some math person that could be an option. Did a lower stat mean a larger downward weight or was it, ‘if lower, then raise, if higher, then lower’? The one thing I could figure out was how often was the ‘recalculation’ period? Was it a daily thing or was it a rolling period? Did it reset from each recalculation into a new time-frame or did earned Feats start some sort of timer? This would become somewhat of a moot point after a certain point and they balanced.

  Absolute bullshit as far as I was concerned. Also, potentially powerful. If someone could only get 5 Feat Points, and thus stat increases, per class or tier or whatever then that meant that I could gather more, a lot more. Instead of 7 stat gains like I should have gotten from my Feats, I had gotten 11. Luck had doubled and External Will… had also doubled. Was doubling the limit for a rebalancing? This skill might actually not be completely scuffed.

  Did I actually feel stronger and smarter? That’s always a weird question to ask yourself, but yeah I kind of did. There was just a bit more tightness in my thinking. I guess I felt a bit stronger as well. I wasn’t really in the mood to fight another pack of three wolves to test my strength. Soul… who knows. Fortitude, yeah I did feel a bit less ‘steely’ than I had been, but I tempered that with the resolve to just earn more in the stat.

  I’d have to do stuff because otherwise, my stats would drop even as I earned Feat points. After they balanced, I would have to do a series of Feats before they rebalanced themselves. Now that I was taking advantage of my slightly sharper mental edge I decided on the first test. I wouldn’t check my stat sheet for a week. Then I would see if it changed. Or at least until I definitively felt a stat go down. I was already feeling the rpg-smartphone checking itch already spreading as soon as I told myself my plan to not check.

  I buried it down and took a pad of paper from my center console, I had a few so I chose the strongest looking one. Body 5/1, five total in the stat, 1 Feat. I did the same for everything else, then dismissed the window and put the pad deep inside my bug-out bag. I copied it on the second sturdiest notepad and put the second copy into my backpacking bag.

  I could still check my Qualities though right? I grinned and rubbed my hands together. Well actually, I probably shouldn’t open the system at all so I really should go over it right now.

  “Ren Faire Skillz”, I would take that all day. It seemed like an incredibly useful Skill, I thanked Casey again for not letting Gabby get away with more of his bullshit. I needed a two-handed sword and/or a sword and shield. Actually, I’d take any one of those now that I was thinking about it. What else happened at a Ren Faire? Throwing axes? I lit up, I was actually already pretty decent at that but throwing them at a target and throwing them at a moving, living thing were entirely different. I’d take an increase in that.

  Other things you might *do* at a Ren Faire. This seemed like it was better than the Law of Averages bullshit skill that Gabby had come up with. I had started to go through it before but now that I was thinking about it, this definitely seemed like the real MVP. What else… eating turkey legs in surprisingly few bites? Sure sure.

  “Bow and arrow!” Nice. Death at a distance, I’d take that all day. What else, what else. Acting? Actually, this seemed like more of a long-term thinking thing. Aka, firmly in the domain of Future-Thomas. Next.

  Basic Competency seemed good too. Since it was wider-ranging, and wasn’t created on behalf of my dearly-ascended girlfriend, it was likely much weaker than the Ren Faire. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if Gabby had been a dickhead with this too, I was sure that there was some overlap. What’s the difference between ‘Basic’ and ‘Basic+ Competency’?

  Still, how could I tell the difference between what I knew and what I didn’t know? I’d keep an eye out, but until something really jumped out I likely wouldn’t notice for some time. Stress Thinker, Order of Operations, and Slightly Overtuned Reflexes all sounded… right on the mark. It pained me to admit that maybe Gabe was kind of accurate with this stuff. Regardless, it didn’t mean he had to be such a dick about it all.

  My eyes lit up at the next one, I had missed this one before. Still, I was suspicious, but maybe I would forgive the angel after all. I mean, hell yeah, time for some OP shit, let’s go!

  “You. Absolute. Dickhead!”

  A long-second of ethereal laughter tinkled in my head. I wasn't entirely sure that I hadn't been imagining it. I bit down the rest of the words and the anger, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction regardless. It was difficult, slotting itself just below ‘making my way back to my car while being wounded and hunted by wolves’ and ‘death-fight with three wolves’ in terms of difficulty.

  The last one was the ability I had accidentally acquired. So it was magic. Sweet. And based on that force-push or whatever, I could still use it even though I had a forbidden Affinity. So I couldn’t create fire, or lightning, or water, or wind, or harness darkness to do my bidding, so what? I could… push stuff that left me super exhausted, dissociated, and pretty nihilistic afterward. Cool.

  I did know one thing though, I needed to get the fuck out of here. I looked at my watch, it was almost morning. I could wait another day, but what if things got worse? The 24-hour reset for a ‘new day’ was somewhere around 10:30 pm. That said, there were also changes that happened at dawn and dusk, though not all the time. Maybe it was done? After the hellish bullshit of the last few days, I wasn’t ready to believe that for a damned second.